Chapter 13. "...Nope..."

Hey!

I hope -as always- that this finds you well.

Does It feel like it's been a long week, or is it just me?

I AM GOING TO SEE CAPTAIN AMERICA TONIGHT!

Needless to say, I look forward to it lol.

Maybe that is it?

Maybe my anticipation for this film has made the days seem that much longer!

UUUUuuuughhhhhh lol.

I am a bit of a nerd if you haven't picked up on that yet.

Blah lol.

You are not here for that; you are here to hear me explain/justify these old notes to some child who probably will never be. 

And that's okay, too.

Both the fact that you are here for it and that it may never happen, you know?

I am 36.

Not too old to have a child, no.

But older than I care to be.

Maybe I'll just be a cool stepdad lbvs.

There are more than enough deadbeats out there for me to replace, lol.

On that note!

I will leave you all to it. 

Enjoy.

-----

August 31st, 2018.

-----

Dear You.

Money...

Money...

Money...

I have always and will always hate money.

Watch this:

Payday!

Whooo Hoooo!

...Nope...

$700.00 bucks...

-$450.00 rent.

-$100.00 food.

-$40.00 phone bill

-$35.00 sis

-$10.00 pops.

=$65.00 left...

REALLY!!!???

-Dad.

-----

Hmm.

This one is interesting.

Back in 2018, I was...between a Home Healthcare job and Private security.

Either way, I was paid Bi-weekly.

You do the math, lol.

I wasn't making more than $12.00 an hour no matter what I was doing, and that was relatively "decent" pay for either of those jobs for someone who was not extremely experienced in either.

I had stepped away from teaching for some time, and I couldn't see myself going back anytime soon.

I remember feeling so...down. 

So useless at times.

Pulling in less than $2000.00 bucks a month in my late 20s was both embarrassing and humbling.

And I wanted a kid!? Lol.

I did figure that with some grit and the right significant other; it could be done.

I had seen couples who were making what I was or less -combined at times- with kids, you know?

Who was I to limit myself by just my financial standing?

Wise.

That's who/what I was lol.

But in all actuality, I didn't care.

I just wanted the opportunity to be every ounce of a father to a child that my own dad never was.

For ME, at least.

My other siblings seemed to garner his attention more than enough. 

Bah lol.

Such is life, yeah?

My not growing up with my father helped shape me into the person that I am today, I wouldn't change that if I could.

I would definitely be a much better parent to my child than he was to me, though lol.

I will leave you all at that, and I will let you know how the movie goes later, lol.

And If I don't see you all before then, Happy Valentine's Day, folks.

As always, and till next time, Safe travels.

Stay safe.

Stay healthy.

Stay vigilant.

-Redd. 

Ps. I also had to pay for my weekly bus pass, which was $20.00 a week, so that last $65.00 was actually $45.00 after you took away the money for the bus, lol.