Kiyomi's First Life

Long before Akio's father had left, and before Akio was born, Kiyomi had yet to earn her name. This is the story of how Kiyomi lost her first life.

When Kiyomi was fifteen, she ran away from home, but she had no idea where to go. Akio didn't know who his mother had been back then or how she could have ever found happiness. During the three weeks of his suspension, Akio had learned some shocking things about his mother, and he wasn't sure if he would ever dare to challenge her again.

Kiyomi: "Alright, Akio, I've had a lot of time to think about this, and I'm ready to tell you something about my past. But only if you're ready."

Akio: "I don't know if I'm ready."

Kiyomi: "I'm telling you this so you understand how anger leads to more anger. I want you to learn from my mistakes:

When I was fifteen, I ran away from home. The last words I said to my father were that I hated him. I had carried that hatred and anger inside me for so long, and in that moment, it felt good to say it out loud. But it changed nothing. It was just a release, not freedom. The big man you saw—that was my father. I'll never forget his smell or his manipulative games. I hated him then, and I still do. Because of him, I hated all men. I thought they were all like him, and it made me angry—really angry. I swore I would get back at him. But soon, it wasn't about him anymore; it was about me. No matter how much I tried to blame others, it always ended with me. Remember that, Akio. For you, too, no one is to blame but yourself. You make the choice to hate or to love, to improve your life or to make it worse. Back then, I made the wrong choice and walked that path for far too long."

Akio: "Why was it wrong?"

Kiyomi: "Because it wasn't what I really wanted for my life, even though it felt like it at the time."

Akio: "That doesn't make sense."

Kiyomi: "It sounds that way, yes. But sometimes, you lie to yourself because you want to see the good in yourself. Everyone has something good and bad inside of them."

Akio: "What does that mean?"

Kiyomi: "You don't accept yourself."

Akio: "Huh?"

Kiyomi: "Maybe you'll understand better if I keep going: Back then, I joined a women's gang. Do you know what we did?"

Akio: "Made dolls?"

Kiyomi: "No. We beat up people who owed us money. Sometimes we did it for fun, especially older, arrogant men."

Akio: "How?"

Kiyomi: "We sometimes maimed them, broke their bones when necessary, tortured them. Protection money was more like 'don't-touch-me money.' But we never killed anyone."

Akio was deeply shocked but said nothing. Kiyomi continued:

Kiyomi: "I was in that gang for over thirteen years until I met your father. He worked for the police and accused us of murder."

Akio: "I thought you said you didn't kill anyone!?"

Kiyomi: "We didn't! We were falsely accused. Your father was the one who blamed me."

Akio: "So did you kill someone?"

Kiyomi: "No, Akio. I never killed anyone. I wanted to prove to him that we were innocent. After nearly two years, the case was finally resolved. When your father first came to the gang, we fought. I attacked him just because he was a man. He defended himself, but he didn't want to hurt me. I thought it was strange. He only blocked my attacks and used light magic to blind me."

Akio: "Fire magic? Light magic?"

Kiyomi: "I'm a fire mage, but that stays between us."

Akio: "But that's illegal."

Kiyomi: "So you never guessed that, even so i used it daily? Remember the Birthday torches on the Cake?"

Akio: "I thought every Mother could do that..."

Kiyomi: "Well...We were a criminal group. I didn't care at the time. I just wanted to rebel."

Akio: "What does this have to do with me?"

Kiyomi: "I don't want you to go through what I did."

Akio: "Beeing a Rebels sounds like fun."

Kiyomi: "I only smile when I think about your father. He saved my life. He said I was already hurt enough, and he stopped fighting."

Akio: "That doesn't sound like Dad."

Kiyomi: "You don't know him the way I do."

Akio: "And I don't want to."

Kiyomi: "People can change. Your father helped me change."

Akio: "He left us. I'll never forget that."

Kiyomi: "I understand your anger. But I ran away too, and things only got worse until I met your father."

Akio: "Why thank him when you did everything yourself?"

Kiyomi: "Sometimes you need help to escape your own hell."

Akio: "You contradict yourself. First, you say we should do everything alone, and then you say we need help?"

Kiyomi: "It makes sense, even if you don't understand it now."

Akio: "So I'm the dumb kid now? You're going to call me what my classmates do?"

Kiyomi: "Who calls you dumb?"

Akio: "You're not listening to me!"

Kiyomi: "I'm telling you this so you can learn from it, but you're just shutting down. This was not Supposed to happen."

Akio: "Yeah, how do you like it when your plans fail?"

Kiyomi: "What's... What's wrong with you?"

Akio: "Why is it always me who's wrong?"

Kiyomi: "Akio, calm down. You´re overreacting."

Akio: "I'm overreacting? I'm always the one who does everything wrong!"

Kiyomi: "I must've hit a nerve. I'm sorry. I did not meant it like that."

Akio: "I don't need your apologies!"

Kiyomi: "…"

Akio: "I'm going back to my room. I need time to think."

Kiyomi: "That's okay, Akio. Take all the time you need. I'll always be here for you."

Kiyomi felt exhausted. She had been thinking too much about herself and her feelings for her husband, not how Akio might feel. She wasn't sure if telling him that had been the right decision. Making the right decisions seemed to be a family problem.