CHAPTER/11

I was shocked by what she said. But how? How could she know? Was it even possible? She was still looking at me, and I knew she expected an answer, but denying it was my best option. Wait a minute! Did she say Furkan Solmaz? How did she know him?

"You're wondering how I know him, aren't you?" Yes, but of course, I wasn't going to ask her that.

"I don't know what you're talking about! Who's Furkan?" Well done, Merve! What was that stammer when you said his name? You might as well have told her everything outright—it would have drawn less attention. She started grinning at me with all thirty-two teeth on display.

"Oh, come on, you can't even say his name properly. His name gets tangled on your tongue. I'm sure this guy is someone special to you. Come on, tell me! I'm already upset that you didn't tell me before, but if you tell me now, I'll forgive you, dear."

Büşra jumped on me and started pinching my cheeks. I guess I had no other choice. I stood up and did something I swore I'd never do in my life.

"I'm sorry, but…" I ran straight into the sea and jumped in. Ugh, it was freezing! I screamed as soon as I hit the water. Amid my small shrieks, both of them stood there staring at me, shocked. Gradually, I got used to the cold.

"What are you waiting for, Büşra?"

Melike did the same thing, throwing herself into the water, and she screamed too. Just as she stopped, Büşra jumped in, and then she started screaming. The three of us were splashing water at each other in the sea. Luckily, the matter was resolved for now. I did wonder how Büşra knew all this, but I thought it best to drop the subject rather than complicate things. After realizing we were both tired and freezing, we got out of the water. The real issue now was: how were we going to get home like this?

"So, anyone have any ideas? How are we supposed to get in the car like this?" Water was dripping from our clothes.

"I've got it!" I expected a sensible response.

"I'm really curious, Büşra. What's your brilliant idea?"

"Let's just get in wet. What's the big deal?" Was that her solution? Well, that was typical of Büşra.

"I think I have a better idea," said Melike.

"There's a store nearby. Let's go check it out. Maybe we'll find something useful." Finally, someone gave a reasonable suggestion.

"That makes sense. At least we can save the car." As much as Büşra annoyed me, I couldn't go with her idea.

"But there's one problem!" I turned to Melike again, curious about what she'd say.

"What is it?"

"If all three of us go to the store soaking wet, we'll attract too much attention. One of us should go while the others wait here." What she said made perfect sense.

"Fine, you two wait here. I'll go and check."

Leaving them behind, I went to the store. The elderly cashier saw me as I entered. It seemed like he was about to leave. He gave me a thorough once-over, then glanced outside.

"Is it raining heavily?" he asked.

"Are you talking to me?" Was the cashier talking to me?

"Yes, I'm talking to you." I shook my head to show I didn't understand.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that. What did you say?" He scratched his beard and muttered.

"I asked if it's raining outside." Seeing me wet, he must have assumed it was raining.

"No, sir, it's not raining."

Not wanting to answer any more questions, I moved further into the store. I realized he was about to leave. I started looking around, checking every shelf in the back. Eventually, I found something useful—a roll of large garbage bags. When I went to pay at the counter, I remembered I had left my wallet in the car. I placed the item on the counter.

"Sir, I forgot my wallet in the car. I'll be right back." He sighed with frustration.

"But it's late, young lady. Do you expect me to wait for you? I have to get to morning prayers." I nodded to show I understood.

"I understand, sir, but I really need this. Can't you wait just two minutes?" He seemed to be trying to figure out what was going on.

"Young lady, it's just garbage bags. Why didn't you bring your money?"

"Peace be upon you, Uncle Ahmet."

I instinctively turned toward the voice and froze. No, it couldn't be! What was he doing here? My inner voice screamed, You can't walk into the same street as him and ask this question! I ignored it.

"Peace be upon you too, son Furkan."

In that moment, my world stopped. He had seen me in this state—well, if this could be called "seeing." Our eyes met only briefly, and I silently prayed that he didn't recognize me. Please, don't recognize me!

"Aren't you coming? We're going to be late for prayers."

As words poured from his mouth, I melted where I stood. What was this? How unlucky could I be? Did we really have to meet here?

"I'm coming, I'm coming. But hurry, girl, you'd have brought the money by now."

At his words, I reflexively looked at Furkan again. This time, our gaze lingered for a second longer. The look in his eyes—the "I recognize you" expression—was undeniable. He had recognized me. Without saying a word, I ran to the car, opened the door, and grabbed my wallet.

"Did you find anything?" I ignored the girls' questions and closed the car door.

"Hey! What happened? Why are you opening the car?"

I didn't respond to either of them, went to the market, paid, and quickly left.

"Wait, you forgot your change." I stopped where I was, turned around, and said, "No need, keep it," before heading to the girls.

The girls immediately came over to me.

"Merve, what happened to you? Your face is completely white!"

Büşra cupped my face in her hands, looking into my eyes, and I just let myself look at her.

"Please talk to me, what's wrong, my friend?"

What could I say? All I wanted was her; I couldn't take it anymore, I shouldn't be doing this to myself, but, but here it was, I let the scream on my lips free.

"I can't stand it, they're suffocating me. What is this? Büşra, I feel like I'm dying, and, and she looks at me, you know? That's when I forget, everything, everything, I forget, it feels heavy, say something, don't stop."

While pouring out everything inside me, I was also shaking Büşra's shoulders. I stopped because I had no more words, and stopped shaking her, my strength drained away, and then Büşra hugged me tightly.

"I understand you, cry, if it'll help you, cry, my dear. What kind of situation are you in?"

She placed her hands on my face again, turned me to face her, and looked into my eyes as she spoke.

"Calm down, my dear, I promise I will do everything I can, these tears will stop."

Büşra hugged me again, I said nothing, what could I say? I wiped my tears, sniffled, and started to speak.

"Anyway, let's go and spread the trash bags in the car." Büşra came and took my hand.

"What are you doing?"

"I took trash bags to spread in the car, come on, help me spread them, don't look at me like that, I already said everything clearly to you, I might die of embarrassment! Aaa come on, let's go!"

We spread the bags and sat down. They didn't come at me during the ride, I parked the car when we got home, thankfully we made it back safe and sound without anything happening to the car. The three of us went to my house, we showered and changed, since I was the first to shower, I made hot chocolate while waiting for them to finish. I thought it would warm us up. When they came downstairs, we went to the living room and sat.

"Come on, drink your drinks and let's go to bed, where are you going at this hour?" Neither of them nodded before taking a sip of their drinks.

"I'm fine with that."

"Me too." When Melike confirmed with Büşra, Büşra turned to her with sparkling eyes.

"Wow, we really get along. At this rate, I'll invite you all the time." I deliberately lowered my voice.

"Oh no! Melike, you're doomed. Büşra won't let go of what she's got."

We finished our drinks with laughter, after showing them to their rooms, we went to bed. Before falling asleep, I thought of her again. The two times our eyes met. I had a lot to tell my mom and dad when I went to see them.

…

The sun had risen for others again. Lately, I really wished I didn't have to say hello to a new day. I quickly got up, went to the bathroom, took care of my business, and got ready. Since I was going to the cemetery, I wore black jeans and a black shirt, left my hair loose, and when I saw the headscarf hanging from the closet, I grabbed it and threw it on the floor. I needed to get those clothes out of my room immediately. Even though I knew how sad it would make my family, I was going to do it. I went to the kitchen and prepared breakfast, then went to wake the girls up. I jumped on Büşra.

"Get uuuup. Büşra. Get uuuup." She immediately jumped up in fear and started screaming, of course, with her jump, I fell to the ground.

"What? What happened? Where?" Holding my stomach on the ground, I laughed loudly, and when she regained her composure, she looked at me laughing on the floor, then came towards me, slowly starting to get scared.

"Yooou! So this is a game, huh? Come here." She came to me and started tickling me.

"Hahahaha. Okay. Hahahaha. Please. Ahahaha."

"Anyway, I'm really hungry, I hope you've prepared breakfast." She said, leaving the room before finishing her sentence. The best thing to do was wake Melike up, so I went to her room and called her. She immediately woke up, wow, was there such a person?

"Get up, we're having breakfast."

"Okay, I'm coming." I went to the kitchen and filled the teacups. The quiet breakfast was, of course, interrupted by Büşra.

"Do you want me to come too?" I shook my head negatively.

"Do you want me to go alone today? You won't be upset, right?" As much as I wanted her to come, I wanted to be alone with my family.

"Of course, darling, why would I be upset? Go, if you need me, you can call me."

"Okay." We sipped our tea and continued with breakfast.

"By the way, thank you so much. I really don't remember ever having this much fun in my life. Even though we've gone through some weird stuff, let's celebrate our carefree day."

I had completely forgotten about the day event, but when Melike mentioned it, we started clapping. After finishing breakfast, we cleared the table together, placed the dishes, opened the door, and went out. I headed to the road to get a taxi.

"Enough, my first task is to get a driver's license, then buy a car. I'm sick of riding taxis."

"You're right, you already know how to drive."

Büşra had already gone home, and Melike and I were waiting for a taxi. When the taxi stopped, we got in, gave the address, and continued. Melike got off at her stop. I said goodbye to Melike, now I was alone. When we reached the cemetery, the taxi stopped, I paid the fare and got out, my feet felt heavier with every step. As I approached my parents' grave, I was losing myself. No matter how much I tried to get used to it, I couldn't when I came here. I felt so alone next to them; it shouldn't have been like this, right? Well, now you're here. I knelt down and began to speak.

"Hello, mom. Hello, dad. Look, I've come, I brought my diploma just like I promised. The thing you wanted most was to see me graduate. You know, I worked so hard to get this diploma, that annoying principal, what was he going to do? He was stubborn and wouldn't give it to me, but thankfully, Hasan Hoca stopped him. You can't imagine how much I wanted you by my side. Anyway, I don't want to upset you with bad things. I wonder, are you with me now? I think you are. Don't ask me how I know, I just want you to be with me. Actually, I need to make a promise to myself, I need to pull myself together, because I know that the more I lose myself, the more you'll hurt even from there. Do you remember, mom? One time I fell while playing in the street, and you came running in a panic. I had asked you if you saw me. You said, 'No, I was sitting in my room when I felt a pain in my heart, and I knew something happened to you, so I ran.' I know that you can feel it when I'm upset, so I won't be upset. I miss you so much, this feeling is indescribable, your absence is always with me, I feel so lonely. Mom, dad! I know you're surprised when you see me. You're wondering what happened to me. Don't worry about it. I was going to tell you, but I don't think you want to hear it. Just know this, the hand that did this to you will certainly pay for it. Now, dad, if you allow me, I'll have a private conversation with mom."

I walked towards mom's side and lowered my head a little more, my tears flowed endlessly.

"Mom, I have something to tell you, there's someone, not just anyone, someone who's unlike anyone I've ever known. How should I put it, it's like a gift. She made me love life, made me love to smile. She too has lost her father, she has a mother named Zehra, they live together, she studies literature, tall and dark-skinned, very handsome, her name is Furkan, Furkan Solmaz, there's something else, she's in a relationship, you're not mad at me, right? How was I supposed to know she was in a relationship? I fell for her at first sight. Oh mom, do you know what this is like? You know how we always see the moon when we look at the sky every night? Well, I love the thought that we might both be looking at the same moon."

I stopped because I realized I had exhausted myself too much, the words wouldn't come out anymore, sobs started to come one after another, I leaned against the grave, straightened my knees, wrapped my hands around them, and tilted my head back, closing my eyes. A little silence would help. I replayed the good memories with my mom and dad in my mind. I didn't notice how long I had been in that position, but when I got up, my neck was stiff. It took me some time to get back to myself.

"I'll come again, for now, goodbye, mom, goodbye, dad, I love you so much."

As I walked, I noticed the empty graveyard next to me, I hadn't noticed it when I first arrived. What was this cemetery dug next to my family's? I moved closer and looked at the small board at the head. What I read made my eyes widen in horror.

"Merve Yılmaz 23.06.2024"