CHAPTER/18

The police approved everything and left. I needed to say something, but what? Or did I even need to say anything?

"I don't understand what you're trying to do?" I could tell from his raised eyebrows that he was surprised by my words. What did he expect me to say? Did he think I'd let him put himself in danger right before my eyes?

"What do you expect me to do?" This time, I was the one surprised by his loud voice.

"I don't understand you!" Without saying another word, he opened the door and left. Why was he so angry? I was doing the right thing; staying with him would only put him in danger. If only I could figure out what he was trying to do! My nerves were wrecked as I tried to sleep. My eyes resisted closing, but eventually, I couldn't hold on any longer and surrendered to sleep.

The morning sunlight woke me up. When I opened my eyes, I saw Büşra fast asleep in the chair next to me. I debated whether to wake her up when a knock came at the door. The doctor had arrived for the morning check-up. The sound woke Büşra too. She straightened herself up and came over to me, an expression of sorrow I couldn't quite understand on her face.

"If you could sit up a bit, I'll check your wound," the doctor instructed. I straightened up, and he examined my stitches, changed the dressing, and covered the wound with a fresh bandage.

"Your wounds are healing well. I'm prescribing some medication, including vitamins you must take daily, ointments for your wound, and painkillers for when needed. You'll be discharged today. Get well soon."

A huge smile spread across my face. Finally, I was getting out of here.

"When can we leave?" Büşra was the one who asked, but I was curious too.

"As soon as the discharge paperwork is done, you can leave immediately."

"Thank you." As soon as the doctor left, Büşra started dancing, and I joined her with a big smile.

"We're getting out of this boring place! My dear sister, I couldn't take another day here even for you." Of course, I knew she didn't mean that.

"It's not like I asked you to stay with me!"

"Sure! It would've been better if Furkan stayed, wouldn't it?" Her expression fell after she said that. I couldn't understand her mood swings anymore. It was time to ask what was going on.

"Something's bothering you! You've been acting strange since you woke up. Do you want to tell me?" She shook her head no and came closer to me.

"It's probably just fatigue. Come on, my butterfly, it's time for you to fly away from here. Let's get ready." Without pressing further, I got ready, knowing she'd tell me eventually—or I'd make her tell me.

After handling the discharge paperwork, we got in a taxi and went home. As we left the hospital, I looked around for Furkan, but he wasn't there. The man who hadn't left my side for a second at the hospital wasn't here now. "Do you really need to ask?" my inner voice said. I had to agree. After my outburst yesterday, he'd likely misunderstood.

I slumped onto the couch and glanced around. I realized how much I'd missed my home. Memories of everything I'd been through came rushing back, and I couldn't help but frown. Büşra came over and hugged me.

"What's wrong, my dear? Does your wound hurt?" I looked at her with gratitude and returned her embrace.

"Where is he, Büşra?"

"He left." One word. Past tense. Had time really passed? How could such a simple verb carry so much weight? My frown deepened.

"Why?" I knew I had hurt him, but I had no choice. Staying with him would mean constant danger for him.

"I don't know, dear. He left quickly. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me to stay by your side, then he left."

I straightened up where I was sitting.

"He left because of me." Büşra looked at me, confused.

"What do you mean?" She seemed more puzzled now, pulling her knees up and wrapping her arms around them.

"We fought!" Her jaw dropped at my words.

"You're kidding!" I sighed deeply, exasperated.

"Yes! But I was right." She burst out laughing, and her sudden mood swings were starting to confuse me too.

"Just tell me properly! You're driving me crazy with curiosity."

"Or you're going to die laughing." I rolled my eyes and continued.

"The police said it wasn't safe for me to stay alone, and while I was thinking about what to do, Furkan suddenly said, 'She'll stay with me.'"

With every sentence, Büşra's surprise mirrored my own when it happened.

"What?"

"I was just as shocked, but I couldn't accept it. Büşra, I'm already in trouble. Staying near him would only put him in danger! You understand, right? And then he just left without saying anything."

At first, she didn't know what to say, staring at me. Then, as if trying to change the subject, she spoke.

"He must have his reasons. Come on, let me prepare something for you to eat. Your medication time is coming up."

After the silence, we both went to the kitchen. I sat down at the table while Büşra opened the fridge.

"Ugh, there's nothing left!" She closed the fridge door and sat next to me.

"Well, I've been away for a while. That's probably why. We can just order something."

She shook her head disapprovingly and widened her eyes in mock anger.

"No way! You need to eat healthy. I'll go grocery shopping."

"Don't bother yourself." She rolled her eyes.

"It's no bother. I'll go quickly. Or, if you're feeling up to it, come along. You'll get some fresh air."

She had a point. I was tired of lying around.

"Alright, besides, I don't think I can stand being cooped up anymore."

We both got ready and headed out to the market. As we turned the corner, someone got out of a car in front of us. I wasn't expecting to see Emre, but there he was. He approached us and started talking.

"How are you?"

I was starting to get annoyed. Why was someone so insistent when they weren't wanted?

"What are you doing here?" His face fell, but he tried to hide it with a smile.

"I was worried about you." I just rolled my eyes.

"Are you joking?"

"Come on, Büşra. Let's go." I grabbed Büşra's arm to make her walk, but Emre, undeterred, kept talking behind us.

"Merve, I know you haven't forgiven me yet, but please don't do this. Don't turn your back on me. I'm so sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me immediately, but at least give me a chance."

"Are you done?" Despite his efforts to keep his composure, my words visibly hurt him.

"It's not over, and it won't be! Don't you see what state I'm in? Why, why won't you give me one more chance? Didn't I deserve it? How quickly did you forget me? You used to love me like crazy."

The more I tried to act indifferent, the more it irritated me.

"Enough! I've listened to you enough. If you're done talking, leave and never come back!" His anger was obvious from the way he spoke. Did I care? Of course not! As if he wasn't the one who betrayed me, and now he was begging for forgiveness.

"I'm leaving, but don't forget, I will never leave you. I made that mistake once, and I have no intention of making it again. I'll do whatever it takes to win you back, and you, my love…" I couldn't let him continue.

"What nonsense are you talking! What love! Get out of here! Do you understand? Get out!!!" With a sly smile on his face, he got into his car and left. Who did he think he was? Sometimes you just want to say something sharp, but for people like him, it wasn't worth sullying my mouth.

"Look at that ego! He's going to forgive me, and I'm his 'love'." I rubbed my face with my hands and pushed my hair back, taking a few seconds to calm myself.

"Come on, Büşra, forget it! As if what he did was normal, and now he's begging for forgiveness. I wonder what Aslı did to make him come back to me." I didn't want to take him seriously; he had no place or importance in my life.

"By the way, his girlfriend was Aslı, right?" We continued our conversation as we walked toward the market. Quite the conversation!

"Yes, his long-term girlfriend(!)." She curled her lips and raised her eyebrows. I could tell that whenever she did that, a question was coming.

"Are you upset, then?" I looked at her face, locking eyes with her to make sure I knew the answer I was about to give.

"No, of course not. I was really upset when I found out. In fact, you know I went into a pretty deep depression, but later I realized how stupid it was. I was the one who should be upset, not him. If you ask me now, I don't even hate him. He can do whatever he wants, as long as he stays away from me."

By the time we got to the market, our conversation had ended. After buying a bunch of healthy stuff, we headed back home. Büşra rolled up her sleeves to make spinach. I wasn't a fan of it, but I didn't say anything because I had to eat. My mind wandered back to him. I was really curious about what would happen next. I missed him so much. The conversation we had in the hospital was so beautiful. He spoke as if he would never leave me. I had been tired of wondering if I was misunderstanding everything. I love Furkan. Do I have to accept it? Do I need to prove it? I wish saying and living those two words were as easy as speaking them. I wasn't the girl of his dreams. Maybe he was just acting close to me out of pity. Wait a second! A lightning bolt struck in my head; he was engaged! You're an idiot, girl! Idiot in one word! You're the one who made yourself the fool!

"Merve!" Büşra's voice brought me back to reality.

"Did you say something?" I couldn't manage to fix my sulking face, and Büşra looked at me with confused eyes.

"I've been calling you for two hours, come on, dinner's ready." I pulled myself together and went to the dinner table.

"What were you thinking about?" I answered without thinking too much.

"Furkan!" We took a bite of our food and continued our conversation.

"I'm not surprised. Of course, there's a reason for it; he wouldn't have just left otherwise." I took a sip of my water and let out a deep breath.

"Büşra, he's engaged!" As soon as I said it, the food went down the wrong way, and she coughed a few times, reaching for her water. I waited for her to calm down.

"What! What are you talking about!" Despite struggling to eat, I knew I had to, so I kept going.

"You heard me! No need to look for other reasons, he's engaged, and this matter closed before it even opened."

Büşra took the spoon from my hand, set it on the table, and grabbed my arms to make me face her.

"Did Furkan tell you?" I shrugged.

"No, he said she's his fiancée." She frowned, clearly not understanding.

"Well, explain this properly! Who is his fiancée?" I sighed deeply.

"Rümeysa! That day when I went to Furkan's house, we met, and she told me they were engaged."

"Merve, there's no such thing, that girl is clearly lying." Hearing her words gave me hope, and I listened to her without interrupting.

"Remember when we went to eat dessert at that café? You bumped into that Rümeysa girl, and she was rude to you." As soon as she reminded me of that day, I nodded in acknowledgment.

"Well?" She continued, and I listened carefully.

"That day when I went back to get my wallet, I overheard their conversation. Furkan told her he couldn't go through with it, that he only agreed because his mother wanted it, but when he realized Rümeysa thought he felt the same way, he told her it wouldn't work. Rümeysa didn't accept it, of course, and blamed you, asking if he loved you. Furkan didn't answer, and if you remember, I asked him those same things that night we played our little game."

I nodded in acknowledgment, and she went on.

"I found out that he was staying there, watching from behind the wall and everything." I was shocked by what I heard. While I was thinking one thing, it turned out the events behind my back were completely different.

"And you're just telling me this now?" She rolled her eyes and took a sip of her water.

"As if we had time to talk, so many things have happened." I knew she was right, so I didn't push the matter further.

"Okay, if Furkan isn't engaged, why did that girl say that to me?" Büşra shot me a look that said, "Are you dumb?"

"Do you think? Of course, she lied to get rid of you." My mind was full of questions.

"Then why didn't Furkan want Rümeysa?" Büşra sighed in exasperation.

"Ay, Merve! Sometimes I think you do it on purpose. My friend, of course, he left her because he loves you." Although her words made me smile, I immediately turned back into my old, bitter self.

"I don't know, Büşra, what he said yesterday was really strange."

"Actually, it wasn't strange, or maybe it was. I don't know, I have no idea why he left."

I shrugged and continued eating. After finishing, I took my medicine, moved to the living room, and lay down. The doctor had said that my stitches were aesthetic and would dissolve on their own. He gave me an appointment for the following week and told me I could go outside without much strain. I had been stuck in the hospital long enough. I needed to make up for it, right? When Büşra came to me, I looked at her like a kitten and grinned innocently.

"What do you want?" Her grin widened.

"How about we go out? Don't object right away, you know the doctor allowed me to go for a walk." She nodded in agreement.

"Okay, my little bird! Just don't look at me like that!"

I scrunched my face at her words.

"My little bird? No way." A small laugh escaped her lips, and I couldn't help but think how beautiful she was.

"Come on, get up, or I'll call you 'sick' and tickle you." We ended our conversation and went upstairs.

"Büşra? How long has it been since you've gone home? How do your parents not say anything? How are you managing?"

We continued talking as we got dressed.

"When it comes to school, you know how meticulous they are. They think I went to Ankara for university. Of course, they didn't catch my lie because they think I went with Ebru. I've handled everything online, and they said I can register whenever I want, as long as it's before the deadline. So, as you can see, I'm the one who outsmarted them."

I laughed out loud at her last comment, but then my face fell.

"So, are you really going to Ankara?" She came up and gave me a big hug.

"Don't get sad! Look, I'm already in a terrible mood because we'll be apart. Don't bring it up." I hugged her back, and we parted.

"Okay, okay! Besides, school just ended, there's plenty of time until it starts, so let's get ready now."

I opened the wardrobe, looking for something to wear. I chose a sleeveless white top and blue jeans, and tied my hair in a tight ponytail. Once we were ready, we put on our shoes and went out. When I looked at Büşra, her swinging red hair caught my eye. She looked amazing in her white sleeveless shirt and white jeans.

"Where are we going?"

"Come with me." We walked to the beach, bought something to eat from the kiosk, and sat on the rocks, watching the sea.

"Come on, tell me about Furkan." It was Büşra who broke the silence.

"What do you mean?" I raised my eyebrows at her words. "When did you fall in love?"

"I've never really thought about it. I guess I don't know either, I honestly don't know exactly when I fell in love. It was strange, I found myself thinking about him without even realizing it. Even in completely unrelated situations, he would pop into my mind and I'd smile. When his smile crossed my mind, a smile would form on my face, my heart would tighten and my stomach would cramp… It was such a different feeling. A lot of times I feel like I don't deserve him, maybe because I haven't seen him much or we haven't talked much, we never really talked, but still, I've grown this love for him inside of me to the point that I can't imagine my life without him. The idea of us being together feels both very close and at the same time so distant. So, you could say I'm in a terrible situation. Even though I have all these complicated emotions, I love him, I love loving him, I even love the inner battle he fights to not talk to me and avoid looking into my eyes. In short, I love him."

I looked back at Büşra, whose eyes were shining as she looked at me, and responded the same way. "Merve, you're head over heels in love! I don't know what more to say about that."

We both fell silent and started watching the sea. Büşra took out her phone and started doing something, I didn't mind. The sound of the sea was so calming, I closed my eyes and wanted to relax. What I had just said kept going through my mind. The smile on my face, my heart tightening, and the cramp in my stomach returned. I really loved these feelings. A hand brushed against my arm, and I opened my eyes. When I saw Furkan in front of me, I froze for a moment, but of course, it wasn't him holding my arm. When I looked at Büşra, I saw her grinning mischievously.

"I'm going to get some water, do you want some, darling?"

"No." When Büşra walked away, I was confused about what to do.

"Can I sit?"

"Sure."

He sat down facing the same direction as me, looking at the sea. When I looked at him, his hands were resting on his knees, and his head was tilted back. When he took a deep breath and swallowed, my eyes involuntarily fell to his Adam's apple as it moved up and down. His eyes were closed, and I never thought I would be able to study him like this. It felt like every breath he took was for me, and as he inhaled, I felt more at ease. With him, I was able to experience two emotions at once. It was strange, but I saw him as an angel, someone who had managed to stay so pure and clean in this world.

"Merve!" His calling my name brought me out of my trance. I waited for him to continue without saying anything. As he opened his eyes and looked at the sea, he continued talking.

"I never asked you if you wanted to stay with me. I know what I said sounds ridiculous, even wrong, but I made a promise to you, a promise to protect you. You have nowhere to go, I can't leave you alone, so please accept, we won't be alone, I have a foster sister, her name is Esma, and she'll be coming with us too."

I raised my eyebrows, he was speaking too quickly.

"She's coming?" He turned to face me.

"Yes!" I shook my head to collect my thoughts.

"Are we going somewhere? I don't understand!" The more I tried to understand what he was saying, the more confused I became.

"I couldn't stay with my mom, I didn't tell her about all of this. So, I rented a place, you, me, Esma, and even Büşra could come." I wasn't sure if he realized what he was saying, but I didn't like him making decisions like this without consulting me.

"Furkan, I don't understand, really, you're renting a place, planning everything, then just making a decision and telling me like it's normal, what do you expect me to say?" He fidgeted and took over the conversation.

"You're right, but no matter what I do, you don't accept it. I want you to stay with me, I can't leave you alone. Merve…"

As the conversation went on, all my feelings shifted to anger.

"Why? How well do you even know me? Why are you putting yourself in danger for me? Why do you pity me? Don't pity me!" By the end of my sentences, my voice started trembling. Damn it, I hated being pitied!

"Merve, you need to listen to me!" I stood up and started walking away, angrily ranting at Furkan.

"I don't get it, why, why, why did you stay at the hospital, why did you go to the cemetery, why did you tell Rümeysa no? Why? Why?"

Furkan's words made me stop in my tracks.

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!"