Chapter 102: The MILFlympics

The journey up MILF Mountain should have been straightforward after the grueling obstacle course, but of course, fate had other plans. As the adventurers rounded a corner, they found themselves facing an enormous golden arena adorned with banners that read:

"Welcome to the MILFlympics!"

"What now?" Kazuya groaned, rubbing his temples.

Lady Ravynne tilted her head, reading the banner. "It seems we've stumbled into a competition."

Sylvara scowled. "We don't have time for this. The mountain summit is still far away."

Before anyone could object further, a booming voice echoed through the air.

"Welcome, competitors!"

A blinding flash of light revealed a radiant woman with flowing silver hair, clad in an elegant yet intimidating tracksuit embroidered with rhinestones. She held a golden clipboard in one hand and a whistle in the other.

"I am Referee Gloriana," she declared, "and you are now participants in the MILFlympics! A battle of beauty, wit, and athleticism to determine the greatest MILF champions of all time!"

"But I'm not a MILF!" Kazuya protested.

Gloriana eyed him critically. "True, but we've got a Desperate Adventurer category. It's for, well…" She gestured vaguely at his entire being.

"Excuse me—"

"You're in," she said, cutting him off.

Event 1: The Javelin Toss (of Wisdom)

The group was herded into the arena, where the first event was already underway. Each participant was handed a golden javelin inscribed with ancient runes.

"To win this challenge," Gloriana explained, "you must toss the javelin while delivering a piece of timeless MILF wisdom."

Lady Ravynne stepped up first, spinning her javelin effortlessly. She launched it into the sky, where it sparkled like a comet.

"Always moisturize, darlings. A well-hydrated face hides all sins."

The crowd roared with approval as the javelin embedded itself into a distant mountaintop.

Sylvara followed, her throw equally precise.

"Never trust anyone who claims to be a 'nice guy.'"

The crowd's applause was thunderous.

Then came Kazuya's turn. He hefted the javelin awkwardly, trying not to look like a complete amateur.

"Uh… if life gives you lemons… uh… eat chicken instead?"

The javelin flopped onto the ground three feet away.

The crowd fell silent. Somewhere, a cricket chirped.

"Bold interpretation," Gloriana said, scribbling on her clipboard. "Zero points."

Event 2: The Flirt-Off

The next event was a Flirt-Off, where competitors had to out-charm a panel of judges made up of disinterested forest spirits.

Ravynne sauntered up to the panel, her smile dazzling. "Well, aren't you all just the cutest little saplings?" she purred, earning swoons from the spirits.

Sylvara's approach was icier but no less effective. "I suppose you're tolerable… for trees."

The spirits blushed, their leaves turning pink.

Kazuya's turn was a disaster.

"So, uh… do you… come here often?" he stammered.

The judges' branches drooped in disappointment. One even face-palmed, which was impressive given it didn't have a face.

Event 3: The Sass Gauntlet

The third event was a battle of wits where contestants had to traverse a narrow path while dodging snide remarks hurled by holographic MILFs.

"Nice boots," one hologram sneered at Kazuya. "Did you steal them from a thrift store clearance bin?"

"I—what's wrong with my boots?!" Kazuya shouted, nearly tripping over his own feet.

"Sweetheart," another hologram called, "you're not an adventurer; you're a fashion disaster."

By the time he reached the end of the gauntlet, Kazuya was a broken shell of a man. Ravynne and Sylvara, meanwhile, emerged unscathed, their sass-game unshakable.

Event 4: The Bake-Off of Destiny

"For our final event," Gloriana announced, "you will bake a dish so delicious it could charm even the pickiest eater."

The group was led to a kitchen stocked with mystical ingredients: dragon eggs, phoenix feathers, and what appeared to be enchanted butter that whispered insults at them.

Ravynne whipped up a chocolate soufflé so perfect it glowed with an ethereal light. Sylvara created a spicy curry that made the judges cry tears of joy.

Kazuya, on the other hand, somehow managed to set the butter on fire.

"How is that even possible?!" Sylvara demanded, watching the butter sprout tiny wings and fly away.

"I don't know!" Kazuya wailed, waving a frying pan at the rogue butter.

In the end, his attempt at a chicken pot pie resulted in a sentient pastry that tried to peck one of the judges.

The Closing Ceremony

After the events concluded, Gloriana gathered the competitors for the final announcement.

"And the winners of the MILFlympics are… Lady Ravynne and Sylvara!"

The crowd erupted into cheers as the two women were crowned with glittering tiaras.

Kazuya, meanwhile, received a participation ribbon that read "Nice Try" in Comic Sans.

As they left the arena, Kazuya muttered, "I'm never entering another competition again."

Ravynne smirked. "Oh, don't be such a baby. You were… entertaining."

Sylvara rolled her eyes. "Barely."

Despite the humiliation, Kazuya couldn't help but laugh. After all, the journey up MILF Mountain was proving to be the most ridiculous adventure yet—and they weren't even at the summit.