Chapter 104: The Summit of Suspicious Silliness Or, How Kazuya Became the Most Reluctant Champion of MILF Mountain

After barely escaping the Cave of Questionable Intentions with the glowing orb in hand, the group trudged their way up the final stretch of MILF Mountain. The path grew narrower, the air heavier, and the sussy vibes stronger. Even the chirping birds sounded like they were snickering.

Kazuya sighed. "I can't believe we're still doing this."

"Come now, darling," Lady Ravynne said, striding ahead with her usual confident flair. "The journey is what makes it worthwhile. Besides, don't you want to meet the legendary Cougaress?"

Sylvara snorted. "Pretty sure Kazuya just wants to survive."

"Exactly!" Kazuya exclaimed. "I've been slapped, roasted, and humiliated by slime. I don't think my self-esteem can handle much more."

"Your self-esteem?" Sylvara rolled her eyes. "What about my dignity? The shadows literally called me a rom-com crybaby!"

"Because you are one!" Ravynne teased, prompting Sylvara to smack her with her staff.

As they bickered, the orb suddenly pulsed in Kazuya's hands. A smooth, seductive voice echoed from it.

"Greetings, travelers. You approach the Summit of Suspicious Silliness. Only those who prove themselves worthy may face the Legendary Cougaress. Are you ready?"

"No," Kazuya muttered. "But do we have a choice?"

"Nope!" Ravynne said cheerfully. "Onward!"

The Stairs of Subtle Seduction

Their first challenge was a spiraling staircase that seemed to stretch endlessly into the clouds. Each step was adorned with carvings of heroic figures, all posing dramatically and accompanied by questionable captions.

Kazuya paused at one.

"'Sir Fabuloso the Swole: Known for flexing his way out of danger'? What does that even mean?"

Sylvara read another. "'Lady Thiccens, Champion of All Cakes.' …Is this a joke?"

"Focus, everyone," Ravynne said. "These carvings are clearly here to distract us."

Just as she said that, the steps began to shimmer, and holographic versions of the carvings sprang to life.

"WELL, WELL," said Sir Fabuloso, flexing his biceps. "DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO OUTPOSE ME, MORTALS?"

"Oh, for the love of—" Kazuya groaned as Lady Thiccens struck a dramatic pose, balancing an enormous cake on her head.

The trial quickly devolved into chaos as the holograms challenged the group to increasingly ridiculous tasks. Ravynne ended up arm-wrestling Sir Fabuloso (and barely won thanks to a distraction involving a strategically thrown rock). Sylvara had to bake and balance a cake while reciting poetry, which led to her nearly setting her cloak on fire.

Kazuya's task? A dance battle against Lady Thiccens herself.

"WHY ME?!" he shouted as the hologram started twerking aggressively.

The Hall of Honks

After somehow surviving the staircase, they entered a long, narrow hallway filled with what could only be described as… cursed ducks.

Each duck sat on a pedestal, staring menacingly. Whenever someone got too close, they let out a loud, obnoxious "HONK."

"Don't tell me we have to get past these things," Kazuya said, eyeing the ducks warily.

As if on cue, the booming voice from the orb returned.

"To pass this trial, you must navigate the Hall of Honks without disturbing the ducks."

"Great," Sylvara muttered. "Stealth mission. Just what we needed."

They moved carefully, stepping around the pedestals as quietly as possible. But no matter how silent they were, the ducks always seemed to know.

HONK.

"Shhh!" Ravynne hissed as Kazuya froze mid-step.

HONK.

"Stop breathing so loud!" Sylvara whispered furiously.

HONKHONKHONKHONK.

The ducks erupted in a cacophony of honks, causing Kazuya to panic and trip over his own feet. He fell forward, knocking over a pedestal and sending a duck flying.

It landed on Ravynne's head, honking furiously as she flailed. "GET IT OFF ME!"

By the time they made it through the hallway, everyone was covered in feathers, and Kazuya had a newfound fear of waterfowl.

The Legendary Cougaress

At last, they reached the summit. A golden throne sat at the center of a grand courtyard, and lounging on it was the Legendary Cougaress herself. She was every bit as glamorous and intimidating as the legends described—draped in shimmering gold fabric, with a mane of perfectly coiffed hair and a sultry smile that could melt steel.

"Welcome, brave travelers," she purred. "You have proven yourselves… entertaining."

"Entertaining?" Kazuya muttered. "We nearly died!"

The Cougaress raised an eyebrow. "And yet, here you are. Tell me, why have you come?"

As Ravynne began explaining their quest, the Cougaress seemed more interested in Kazuya, who was awkwardly trying to hide behind Sylvara.

"You there," she said, pointing at him. "What's your name?"

"K-Kazuya," he stammered.

"Well, Kazuya, you've caught my attention. Perhaps you'd like to stay here… permanently?"

Kazuya's face turned beet red. "I—uh—I—"

Sylvara stepped between them, glaring. "Sorry, but we've got places to be."

The Cougaress smirked. "Pity. But if you wish to continue your quest, you must complete one final challenge."

The Trial of the Golden Pillow

The final challenge was as ridiculous as it was absurd: a giant pillow fight.

"Yes, you heard me," the Cougaress said, tossing each of them a feather-filled weapon. "To prove your worth, you must defeat me in combat. Good luck."

The ensuing battle was pure chaos. Ravynne strategized, using her pillow to create diversions. Sylvara went full berserker mode, swinging her pillow like a warhammer.

Kazuya, on the other hand, got hit in the face so many times he lost track.

"THIS ISN'T FAIR!" he shouted as the Cougaress elegantly dodged his every move.

Eventually, Sylvara managed to land a critical hit, sending the Cougaress toppling off her throne.

"Well done," she said, laughing as she stood and dusted herself off. "You've earned my blessing—and a lifetime of hilarious memories."

The group left the summit victorious, though Kazuya wasn't sure he'd ever recover from the embarrassment.