Chapter 2 - Balance

(The background is based on the social background that is repressive to LGBT culture.)

The night in City L was like a piece of fine silk, delicate, translucent, strewn with diamonds of every size, scattered across the sky. Wisps of cloud dusted with crystal powder drifted gently above, as if someone had carefully laid the whole scene across the heavens.

"Evan! What are you doing just standing there?"

Evander looked up at the sound of the voice and met Julius's eyes. In the days they'd been apart, Evander had felt like a drifting boat, aimless and lost, with no harbor in sight, restless, unmoored.

"Julius…"

He broke into a run, propelled by joy and relief, his face lighting up with a happiness too fierce to contain.

"I missed you so much…"

The whisper brushed against Julius's ear, and he couldn't help the curve that lifted the corners of his lips. He wrapped the person he'd missed day and night tightly in his arms.

"All right now, are you cold?"

Julius asked gently, his long lashes fluttering slightly, eyes soft and full of warmth as he gazed at Evander.

The moon hung high, stars glittered like shards of glass, and the beauty of the night sky made one reluctant to look away. But autumn had settled in fully now, and with the sudden chill in the air came the sharp bite of the season. The cold stung Evander's fair ears, turning them a faint red.

Julius's warm hand rose instinctively to cover Evander's cold ear. His body moved faster than reason could catch up. He sighed and shook his head with a helpless smile, because the moment he laid eyes on Evander, the walls he'd spent days carefully building simply crumbled to dust.

The most terrifying thing is your own instinct.

Evander's mind blanked. The moment Julius's hand touched him, the moment their eyes met, it was like something deep within his blood had awakened—rushing straight to his heart. Time seemed to stop. Even the years paused to watch them kindly, silently.

"Did you get taller again?"

Julius squinted a little—Evander really did seem taller than before. Compared to his own height just over 6 feet 2, Evander looked like he was pushing 6 feet 5.

"But you've lost so much weight…"

He reached up and gently cupped Evander's cheek. In just two short weeks, his face had grown visibly gaunter, the once-soft cheeks now slightly hollowed.

"I keep forgetting to eat lately…"

Evander's long lashes fell, half-concealing the redness at the corners of his eyes.

"…"

Julius froze. A wave of helpless ache welled up inside him. He lowered his head, inhaled deeply, then looked back up, eyes torn with pain but steady with resolve.

He, too, had spent these days apart caught in endless struggle. He had never once paused long enough to truly reflect on what they meant to each other. He'd always told himself that he saw Evander as a beloved younger brother. 

Nothing more.

But the yearning that shouldn't have existed.

The memories that haunted his dreams.

The indifference he faked.

The stolen glances in secret,

Everything that made up his twenty-five year had slipped through his chest like wind—those moments he thought he could ignore, the feelings he believed to be vague and fleeting, 

Somehow, somewhere along the way, they had carved themselves into his bones.

Julius didn't dare think about what it all pointed to. 

He couldn't.

Above them, the stars had grown sparse, and yellowed autumn leaves were lifted and dropped again by the wind, casting a chill deeper than the night itself.

And yet… he couldn't bring himself to let go.

And yet… he couldn't bring himself to give up.

"Let's go home. It's cold out."

"Okay…"

Evander looked up at Julius, and in the shifting light and shadow, his eyes shimmered like they held stars of their own. He didn't know if he truly understood Julius. He didn't know where the future might lead them.

But in this moment, none of that mattered.

Right now, his entire world was filled with nothing but Julius.

A love buried so deep it dared not be spoken,

A feeling too fragile to name,

Yet burning bright in his gaze, wordless and fierce.

The moon hung high above, and lights from the city formed a sea of warm gold below. Every flicker of brightness told a story of arms around shoulders, of silent companionship,

Of the kind of love that asks for nothing, but stays.

"Julius."

"What?"

"I'm hungry."

"There's only instant noodles at home."

Julius let out a small, helpless laugh, but his movements didn't pause. He got up from the couch and walked toward the kitchen with light, easy steps.

Evander leaned lazily against the couch, his head tilted slightly as he watched Julius's retreating figure. The soft amber light of the living room outlined Julius's silhouette in warm strokes. That straight back, that calm and capable presence—Evander couldn't help but smile.

Broad shoulders, a slim waist, long legs… Julius really was handsome.

Evander's thoughts began to drift, and he chuckled quietly to himself.

"What are you laughing at?"

Julius turned around slowly, holding two packs of noodles in his hand. His dark hair fell loosely over his forehead, his eyes half-lidded with a hint of laziness. The top buttons of his shirt were undone, revealing a pale sliver of skin that practically glowed in the warm light, unintentional allure at its finest.

"I wasn't laughing…"

Evander's voice softened, like he was trying to suppress something.

"I just think… you look really good."

Julius froze, a flush blooming rapidly from his cheeks to the tips of his ears. He cleared his throat and looked away. Evander caught that reaction and grinned, just a little smug.

"What? Am I wrong?"

Flustered by the wave of compliments, Julius rubbed his forehead and sighed, trying to sound stern.

"If you're that bored, go feed the cat."

"Got it!"

Evander responded cheerfully and bounded off to the living room. He crouched beside the food bowl, poured out the cat food, and gave the little feline—who was winding around his ankles—a gentle pat.

"Julius is so mean, huh?"

The cat let out a lazy "meow" in agreement.

The soft light played along Evander's sharp jawline as he stood and bolted into the kitchen.

"Why are you running?"

Julius paused, glancing over his shoulder—only to be met with a burst of youthful energy. Evander's smile was radiant, his long lashes fluttering like wings over his dark eyes, which sparkled like gems.

And in Julius's gaze, there was nothing but warmth.

"I can't wait to keep you company."

Evander stood firmly beside him, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Julius's hands froze for a moment. His heart seemed to skip a beat—so quick, so quiet, he almost didn't notice. He clicked his tongue softly and said nothing more.

The water in the pot had begun to boil, steam rising into the air—like the subtle, simmering tension between them. Unspoken. Undefined.

Time passed quickly. A whole year rushed by in the blink of an eye. No one remains eighteen forever, but no matter how old Evander got, whenever he looked back on his eighteenth year, there would always be that one figure.

"Tired? You flew all this way."

Julius's voice carried a trace of worry.

"Not tired. I wanted to spend New Year's with you."

"Alright, let's go. The fireworks are about to start."

The smile of a young man always shines the brightest. Under the vast starlit sky, they stood side by side, carefree and close. Amid the bustling crowd, they looked so ordinary, yet so impossibly dazzling.

The moon kissed the edge of the fireworks. The Milky Way bent low to brush against the drifting clouds. The New Year's display unleashed dozens of brilliant illusions, lighting up the sky with colors that burst like dreams. Firework after firework exploded with fearless beauty, bold, brilliant, and breathtaking, nearly eclipsing the stars themselves.

Every spark tonight felt like a miracle, too stunning to miss, fragments of dreams made real, beauty that held your breath still.

Fireworks fade quickly. 

That's why you have to watch them with someone. 

It's okay if you forget their color, their shape, 

What matters is the person standing next to you.

Evander turned his head, just a little. 

He looked at Julius whose eyes shimmered like they held galaxies, lit by the glow of the fireworks.

The lights reflected in Julius's eyes, 

reflected the most radiant brilliance the world had to offer. 

And Evander,

He was looking at his brightest light.

Julius seemed to sense his gaze and turned slightly as well. 

Their eyes met.

Maybe it was the fireworks. 

Maybe it was the romance blooming all around them, the couples leaning in close.

But for the first time, Evander clearly read the emotion in Julius's eyes

A love so full it was nearly overflowing. 

So pure, so certain.

Beneath the stars, 

Above the world,

In that moment, 

In a world so vast and unkind, 

Evander feels what forever might feel like.

"Happy New Year. Make a wish."

They had just taken a photo together when Evander heard Julius's voice brush softly against his ear.

His eyes sparkled with hope, and a quiet smile curved his lips. He lowered his head slightly, pressing his palms together in front of his chest—earnest, almost reverent.

Dear God,

Please, for the sake of my youth at eighteen, let me be greedy just this once.

First, may my brother suffer less and stay well in body and mind.

Second, may he stay true to himself and live with freedom and peace.

Third… may Julius love me too.

Julius glanced at the boy beside him and frowned, barely, but deeply. After the movie he shot with Evander was broadcast, their fame began to grow. Now, they are followed by fans just when they come out to watch the fireworks. Around them, more and more cameras began to close in, forming a circle of flashes. Something twisted painfully inside his chest, a pain so sharp it made his breath hitch and his body go still.

The future… the road ahead would only get brighter, louder, and more terrifying.

He didn't know if, when that moment came, he would still have the courage to look at the boy beside him, bright-eyed, unguarded, and burning with love, in full view of the world.

Evander turned toward him, but Julius quickly looked away and closed his eyes, unable to bear the weight in his gaze.

Because deep down, he knew—

He might never be able to face

the choice between his career future and Evander.

He could throw away everything when it was just his future on the scale. He could bet it all, fight to the bitter end.

But when Evander's career future was placed there too,

Suddenly, he lost his nerve.

Evander is only eighteen years old. He has a very bright future. If his future got affected just because of having a male partner, Julius can never allow it.

When he returned home after sending Evander off, it was already past midnight.

Julius stood alone by the window, staring into the distance. The moon hung high and luminous, cold and clear.

The ache in his chest came rushing back—relentless, suffocating.

His carefully forged armor cracked in silence.

All the love he had buried so deep,

and all the loneliness he pretended not to feel,

had already begun to seep in quiet, inevitable.

Beneath the endless stretch of moonlight,

the city below shimmered with countless lights

tiny flames that marked the joy and comfort of homes and families.

But none of it had anything to do with him and Evander.