Blurred Truths

For a brief moment, I was stunned. I don't know if she has some deep-seated issues or if I just repulsed her. We were having so much fun just a few moments ago.

"Nita!" I went after her immediately and found her outside, leaning against a wall, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. Her breathing was fast and shallow. She was having a panic attack. I ran to wrap my hands around her, thinking that would help but she shuffled away from me so fast and lost her balance, landing on the floor crouched on all fours.

"Nita?" I called softly, keeping my distance. "Hey, it's just me. No cameras."

She didn't respond, she only gripped her chest harder, fear in her eyes.

I crouched a few feet away from her, "No touching, I promise. But I need you to listen okay? … Take your time, sweetie" I continued. "Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth."

She followed my instructions, while I did the same routine for her to replicate. Her breathing started to slow, and she finally looked at me with panicked eyes.

"You good?" I asked.

"No, but I will be fine" she muttered. She managed to get up and I made no attempt to help her for fear of another panic attack.

"Shall we get some coffee? There's a café across the street,"

She blinked, wiping sweat from her forehead. "okay."

We took a stroll to the coffee shop. I ordered two cups of black coffee and a sandwich. She muttered a small thanks when I slid the coffee across the table to her.

"You want to talk about it?" I asked gently. For a moment, I thought she wouldn't say anything. But then she sighed and stirred her coffee almost absentmindedly.

"When I was a teenager," she began, her voice a whisper "I was sexually assaulted. Someone tried to rape me. And since then, I … I haven't been able to handle intimate situations exactly well,"

I stared at her, my chest tightening. Anger welling inside me, I felt like I needed to punch someone and punch someone real good. "That's why you flinch whenever I touch you, Nita… I'm so sorry… Do you know who did it?"

Her eyes held mine for what seemed like forever…

*****

The Numero manor was a beautiful mansion but that night, it was dazzling. The event planners had outdone themselves. The party was to be held in the yard beside the gardens. Tents were set up to make it look like an event hall. The chandeliers sparkled like a constellation of stars, and the walls held pictures that the photographer had been able to take, one stood out for me. He had taken it while we were goofing around. Nita's laughter with her eyes closed captured my heart while I held the balloon she had thrown at me. She was beautiful.

To think that she had been hurt so badly when she was young killed me. She said she hadn't seen his face, if she had and he was still breathing, I would have killed him myself.

The guests began to arrive one after the other, some of the board members were already there, business acquaintances and my mother's friends from her charity and personal fabric business. The Williams had invited their friends and family too. It was the largest party we had ever had in this house and they all came prepared. It was a great space for networking.

Gwen was there also, but she knew the deal, we can't be seen in public together talk less of at my engagement party. It was a gathering fit for royalty and money and influence were the crown.

Nita stepped out of the main house, her face radiant but I could see that she was nervous. She fidgeted with her engagement ring on her finger as she walked down the steps to the yard. She wore an elegant gown in a deep emerald green, her hair styled in curls. I couldn't help but gape, she may not be a beauty queen but my god, was she lovely! Even my father who had eyes for no one but my mum muttered, "What a woman!"

As she walked toward me, I whispered, "You look like royalty."

She smirked. "And you look like you're about to pass out."

"Wouldn't that look good on tomorrow's headlines? The bride looked so good, groom fainted,"

I pulled Nita aside to introduce her to my cousin and best friend Sam, who was busy shamelessly flirting with one of the servers.

"Sam, this is my fiancée, Nita."

Sam froze, his eyes going wide like he had seen a ghost, "Benny?!" he exclaimed in shock.

I frowned. "Who the hell is Benny?"

Nita's smile faded. "Uh, do I know you?"

"No way," Sam exclaimed "You're marrying Benny from boarding school! How wouldn't you know her, Richard? Remember how we used to give her hell in school,"

"That's enough," Nita cut in sharply but politely.

But then it hit me. Idiot, idiot, idiot! She was Benny, the girl I had a crush on in school. How the hell didn't I know that? Then I looked closely, she didn't have the glasses anymore, that was an upgrade because gosh, that thing was huge. No wonder she hated me when we first met. I had a lot of apologizing to do. No wonder it sounded so familiar when she called me Junior. Every hint she had dropped from the moment we met rang through my ears. Benny.

I turned to her, "You're that Benny?"

Nita sighed defeatedly, "Surprise."

"Oh my God," I muttered, raking a hand through my hair. "Oh, my God!"

She turned and began to walk away and I just stood there like an idiot. Sam grinned. "This is gold."

"Shut up fool!"

The ceremony began, and both families were formally introduced. Nita was then called up by my father who officially introduced her as the Mrs Numero–to–be.

I am so fucked. When we get married, she is going to feed me poison. I stepped up beside her, she looked up at me holding my gaze, searching for something. My father droned on, something about legacy and tradition and whatnot. All I could think of at that moment was a way to make it up to the woman in front of me. Camera lights flashed everywhere but we both stood there staring at each other. Nothing else existed, the cheering, the glitz, and the glamour disappeared into the background.

*****

Later, after the party, we found ourselves in the garden. The guests had left and the event organisers were busy cleaning up.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what, Richard? What would you have done?"

"I don't know. Apologized sooner? Bought you a burger to make up for it?"

Her eyes lit up with fire, "You think what you did to me… you think a burger can make up for it?" her eyes twinkled like she was fighting tears. Did I hurt her that badly? I was just a foolish teenager.

"Nita, I am sorry. I was young, I was stupid. I wish I could take it all back and just tell you how I feel instead of being a constant jerk to gain your attention."

"and how did you feel that would justify what you did to me?"

I paused for a minute, finding the words. "I had a huge crush on you at the time. And I didn't know how to express myself. I was full of myself, I was the school's ladies' man and the one girl I had eyes for didn't even care if I existed,"

 "And that justified what you did to me? Richard, you broke me. I can forgive you for 'accidentally' spilling your ice cream on me, or throwing my due assignment in the toilet, or the gum in my hair, or the glue in my chair but tell me how can I forgive you for what you did that night? Tell me!"

"What night? Nita, what are you talking about?"

"Remember when you asked me if I knew who sexually assaulted me?"

I nodded but what does that have to do with anything. The more we spoke, the more confused I was getting.

"You did and I cannot believe that you would stand there and pretend like it didn't happen!"

She shouted and walked away in tears.