Missing an emotion

You just woke up and saw hundreds of messages and missed calls from many people.

What happened? You went through your phone and saw the article and then below it is a video of Gong Jiho punching the reporter.

Jiho? What is wrong with him? Why would he do that!?

You hissed and searched for his number, about to call him when all of a sudden, he barges into your room as if he was pushed inside.

You sharply raise your head and met with his emotional gaze.

Slowly, you place the phone down and subtly fixed your sitting posture.

Jiho cleared his throat and steadily walked to you, "How are you doing?"

"I am okay." You replied without meeting his gaze.

He hunkered down on the stool beside your bed, "Did …Did you see the article?"

You nod.

"You must have felt violated but don't worry, Inha and I managed to handle it." He assured.

You finally look up at his handsome face, wanted to say something mean but your heart instantly melted when he meets your gaze.

You swallow, turning your head away as you speak, "Violence is not the only way to handle things."

"That is luxurious coming from you. I mean, you once put a knife to my brother's throat remember?" He teased.

You roll your eyes and faces him with a frown, "Are you here to joke? Do you think I am a joke? Do I sound funny?"

"Even though you are sick, you are still cranky." He muttered but just enough for you to hear.

"Cranky?" You chuckle in disbelief, "Okay, I get it. It must be hard for you to see my face, to act like you care for me, isn't it? It must be hard for you to be with a woman when you already in love with another."

Jiho felt flattened with confusion, "What are you even saying?" His head finally clicked, "I understand, after what you saw last night between me and Hana, you must think I …"

"There is nothing to think about." You cut him, "I know that you hate me so much Gong Jiho. You absolutely loathe me."

"What are you even saying?" He questioned, "why are you saying all this?"

"Because I found out that you were actually the one who saved me that day fifteen years ago." Tears well up in your eyes as you struggle to calm yourself,

"I kept wondering how it was possible for a human to feel nothing, and how I was the only one whose touch could be felt by you. I asked you countless of times what the cause was but you said nothing. All along, you have been hating me, cursing me for your condition."

Jiho fell silent and that was enough to prove your argument.

You scoff softly, "You are not even denying it. It's fine. I get it. If not because of the contract we signed and the fact that you are already my project partner, I would have ended this marriage deal with you right here right now. If only you had told me the truth, I would never have done it, because I would rather fight my battles alone than do it with a man who will forever hate me."

"Are you done?" His eyes turned red, "All you do is talk, you never allow the other person to speak."

"I don't want to hear your lies!" You snapped, "You love Hana so much, I know it. You hate seeing me because it reminds you of your condition, I know it!"

Jiho shakes his head in frustration, "You really are selfish."

His words stung. You tightly clutch the bedsheet, "Yes, I am selfish. I am disloyal, I am a liar, I am a curse to everyone around me. I cause destruction and I bring harm. I am unworthy." The tears flow down your cheeks. You use the back of your hand to wipe them away as you sniffed. "From today onwards, you and I don't even have to be friends. We have nothing between us. I will help cure your condition and get out of your hair."

"Well done, I would truly appreciate that." He plastered a smile, "I would want nothing more than that."

He angrily gets to his feet, "You know what? You are not wrong. I hated you so much that I used to curse you even in my dreams. And I loved Hana so much that I would have easily gave her my life if she'd wanted. But you will never understand my pain Ari, you will never know how it feels to kiss the woman you love and not feel anything. To touch the woman you love and feel nothing. YOU WILL NEVER KNOW!!" He barked, "So stop playing the victim, it's getting a bit old."

"My life only got ruined because you didn't tell me the truth." You yelled back, "If you had, I would never have loved Joon."

"Are you sure about that? I am pretty sure a part of you has always had doubts about it but you turned a blind eye. You used to avoid me back then, as if you knew the truth. You were reluctant of knowing the truth because you didn't want to have a reason to leave Joon, because you loved him blindly, am I wrong?" His question sent shivers down your spine.

"I …" you couldn't find the courage to speak. Perhaps, a part of you knows that Jiho is telling the truth.

"Ah, at least you have the conscience to accept it." He said in a disappointed tone, "Now that you've learned the truth, this is your attempt to back out from taking responsibility for my condition? Do you think I will let you get away with it?"

"I have no plans whatsoever to do that. I will cure you and then leave." You answered.

"Cure me and then leave?" He scoffed, "What makes you think that is all I need from you?"

You couldn't believe your ears, "What else do you want? Money? Fame? The company?"

"Everything." He said, taking a step forward, "I want to experience all the things I missed out on for fifteen years… everything!"

Before you can make sense of what Jiho meant. He suddenly leaned, cupped your face and brings his lips crashing against yours.

You were baffled and tried pushing him away but he wouldn't budge. The guy thrusted his tongue deftly into your mouth, kissing you deeper.

You finally managed to push him away and yelled, "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?"

"Why?" He smirked, "Are you angry? You should be. Do you feel miserable? You should be. You want to pay me back for my condition right? You should offer me your body then!"

Revolted and hurt by Jiho's words, you didn't think twice before slapping him hard across the cheek.

Your sudden move puts him in shock for a brief moment. You have never seen him so angry before. Without saying anything, he stormed out of the room, leaving you petrified at your own actions.

You break into tears with no restraint and bawled your eyes out.

Jiho was still standing by the door and listening to you cry torched his heart in flames. He hated himself for losing control and for hurting you the way he did.

He stood there till you finished crying, got cold water from the vending machine and returned inside the room with it.

Seeing him with your swollen eyes and puffy face frustrates you even more.

He settled down with a sigh and handed you the water. "Have it, you need it to cool off."

You snatch the bottle from his hand downed the entire chilled water in a single go.

You squeeze the bottle tightly in your grip, "Why are you back? You wanted to see me miserable right? Well here I am, I am miserable. I am pathetic, I am…"

"Sorry."

His sudden intervention made you pause. Despite being so angry, Jiho's word 'sorry' completely made your rage dissipate.

He regretfully puts his head down, "I am sorry, I was an asshole. I shouldn't have forced myself on you, i shouldn't have hurt you, I shouldn't have …said all those things. I am so sorry Ari." He finally meets your gaze, "You should slap me again, you should hit me because an apology is not enough to make you feel better. I am so sorry."

You exhale shakily, "You are right, an apology is not enough to make me feel better Gong Jiho. You said the only way to help you is if I give you my body, right? Fine, I will give you my body, do as you please with me but …when our one year contract ends, I want to have nothing to do with you."

"Is that what you truly want?" He asked, staring deeply into your gaze - his heart pounds, hands slightly shaking, "Is this your final decision?"

You fall silent for a brief moment and then, you nodded, "Yes, that is my final decision."