Chapter 19

Holli stared up at the roof above her; it was lower than she'd become accustomed to and made of fabric... She quickly realised she was in a tent. There was still a chill in her bones and a dull throbbing in her head and wrist. She recalled a cave, the bitter cold, and the way her whole body ached.

She sensed a presence beside her and turned her head to look. Even that small movement hurt.

Solas was watching her from the small wooden stool he was seated upon, leaning against his staff for support. There was an emptiness to his gaze she'd never seen before. 

"You're mad," her voice rasped. 

"I am well beyond that," he replied, stone-faced and unnaturally still. 

Some part of her shrivelled up at his tone. Uncomfortable lying down for this, she tried to sit up.

"Do not move," his voice was quiet but hard. "Your body was a litany of injuries, and hypothermia nearly took you in the night."

He let out a breath.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" He asked. "Your hand still bears the mark, and you're still with us, so I suspect not."

Holli blinked, her eyes starting to sting. She didn't exactly regret what she had done, but she hated that it had made him so angry with her.

"When you are well enough, we shall begin training you for battle since you're going to be so thoughtless with your life."

Her eyes shot to his again, surprised, but she looked away quickly, unable to face him.

"I'm sorry."

"Tell me why."

"Why I'm sorry?" She asked.

"Why you did it."

It was difficult to gather her thoughts, trying to pull words from the fog in her mind.

"I thought—I thought he might know more. He might know how I could get home. And I'd already closed the Breach. I thought, I don't know, if he was going to kill someone, better me than someone useful, right? Like you, or Cassandra, or Cullen?"

The Inquisition still needed them. Especially since that monster was still out there and intended to—well, she wasn't quite sure what his plan was. Rip open the sky again? Besides, if she did die, she might have gotten to go home. It had been so long, and every day the worry for her mum grew. Candace wasn't very good at looking after herself.

"That's more self-sacrificing than I'd have thought you capable of."

"Me too, actually."

"And you think your only use was for the Breach? For someone so bright, that was an incredibly stupid thought. I'll have more to say on the matter when you're better." He cast her a look before getting to his feet. "I will have food and water brought for you. Rest; you have a fever, and there is much more healing to be done."

A fever? That explained why she still felt so shitty. That and the guilt. The entire time Solas had spoken to her, his gaze never softened, and his tone remained icy. She bit her lip and tried not to cry, staring up at the roof of the tent.

Solas stepped outside, taking a calming breath. 

"A little harsh on the poor girl, don't you think?" Dorian asked from his spot just outside the tent.

Solas cast a glance back at the closed tent flap. "I'd like her to remember this the next time she considers doing something so idiotic."

He left to have someone bring her food. He knew he was letting his hurt drive his anger, but he hadn't been lying to Dorian either. He did want her to remember his anger and his disappointment and think twice next time.

"She's awake?" Varric asked when Solas passed him.

"She is."

"Good," he said, getting up from his seat to go and speak with her. 

"Perhaps give her a few moments," Solas told him. "You can take her food to her."

Varric did so, following behind Solas as he dished her a bowl of hot broth, very slowly. It would give her some time to compose herself.

"Make sure she eats it," Solas told him. 

When Solas finally handed over the bowl and Varric could go visit Holli, he found someone else had beaten him to her. Cassandra was lecturing her, Holli staring up at the roof of the tent, occasionally nodding when Cassandra asked her a question. Usually it was something along the lines of, 'Do you realise how stupid you were?' Worded a little more harshly, but that was the general gist.

When Cassandra was done, she stormed from the tent, gaze connecting with Varric a moment as she passed by.

Holli noticed him and sat up, not without difficulty. "Your turn is it?" She asked flatly.

"I was going to, but there's quite a line of people with opinions about what you did. Doubt you need another one," he said, offering her the bowl.

She sat cross-legged on her cot, holding the bowl in her hands and staring into it.

"Not hungry?" He asked.

"Not really," she replied.

"Solas said to make sure you get it all down."

With a sigh, she made a start on it. Varric supposed she didn't want to tick Solas off any more than she already had.

"So, why'd you do it?" He asked, taking a seat on the stool. No judgement, but he was curious.

She gave a one-shouldered shrug. "Made sense at the time."

"How so?"

"Breach was closed, and he was there for me. Might as well have been me."

"When we found you, you said Corypheus," Varric said.

Holli nodded. "That was what he called himself."

"Ah shit," Varric sighed out. "What else did he say?"

"He thought he could remove the mark; he called it an anchor. He tried to remove it, but it wouldn't work."

You interrupted a ritual years in the planning, and instead of dying, you stole its purpose. I do not know how you survived or how you came to be there, but what marks you as 'touched,' what you flail at rifts, I crafted to assault the very heavens. And you used the anchor to undo my work. The gall!

Despite how sick she felt and everything that happened after, she recalled his words with vivid clarity. Not all of them, but those ones. He didn't know how she got there either. She'd hoped the creature responsible, or at least partly responsible, would know a bit more or have some inkling.

"Don't suppose he gave you a detailed explanation of his dastardly plan?"

"Not exactly, but he's going to attempt whatever he tried the first time. I don't really know what the goal was. He was going on about the Maker and the heavens and the Black City. I'm not sure, but I think he wants to become God."

Varric heaved a heavy sigh. "Yeah, that sounds like something he'd do."

"You know him?"

"Not personally. But I know a guy. I'll get in touch with him when we... figure out where we're going."

"Where are we?"

"Up in the mountains, we can still see the ruins of Haven from here. The others are trying to figure out next steps. Did you tell Cassandra about Corypheus?"

Holli shook her head. "I didn't really get a chance. She came in to yell at me, not listen to me," she replied sullenly.

"Yeah, you should prepare yourself for more of that."

"I don't know if I'm being stupid when I ask this, but... why are people so mad? I did it, didn't I? You guys weren't followed. The avalanche took out a heap of the bad guys."

"Well, let me clear that up for you. You are being stupid for asking that. How can you not know? They're fond of you, little bird. No one wanted to see you die, and you didn't even give us the chance to come up with an alternative."

"No one minded if I died that first day when they marched me up that mountain to close the Breach in the first place."

"Mostly because we had no other choice, and there was a large possibility it wouldn't kill you. Whereas what you did yesterday stopped us from being able to figure out another way, and we were forced to watch you march off into what we were certain would be your death."

He gestured for her to drink more of the broth he'd brought her.

"But you survived, both times. I'm starting to think you might actually be touched by divinity."

She pulled a face at that, making him chuckle. He stood up. 

"Now, you're going to have a few angry people come in to lecture you, I'm sure you're aware. Best move here is to apologise, act contrite, and let people think you won't do anything like that again."

"Would it have been an issue if I were an adult and made that decision?"

"Probably not. No one would have been happy about it, but they probably would have respected your decision."

She shot him a look for that one.

"Hey, don't glare at me. Teenagers aren't known for thinking things through. Look, you saved people, and you survived. That's great. Don't let it go to your head. Finish your broth, then get some more rest. You look terrible."

He left her to it, and she forced herself to keep sipping at it. She didn't just look terrible; she felt it. Dizzy and nauseous, and so very tired. She attempted another sip when a new visitor entered.

Cullen. Okay, him she could manage. He got mighty uncomfortable when women cried. He came to stand before her, anger clear on his face and in every line of his body. She just let the tears fall. It wasn't hard; she'd been sitting on the edge of it for a while now.

"I'm so sorry," she said. "I thought I was doing the right thing, and I just didn't want anyone else to die because of me."

That completely took the wind out of his sails. She set her bowl down in her lap and started wiping at her face, muttering how sorry she was over and over. She meant it, but she definitely laid it on a bit thick.

"All right," Cullen finally said. "Just... don't do it again."

He awkwardly left the tent with a muttered, Get well soon. Holli took a deep breath in an attempt to get herself under control and wiped off her face. 

"That was a bit more underhanded than I would have expected of you," Leliana said, slipping inside just moments after Cullen had left. "I hope your apologies to him were at least sincere."

Holli inwardly sighed. It was going to be a long day.