Chapter 40
The city's skyline glitters tonight, a million tiny lights mocking my inner turmoil. It's supposed to be peaceful, this quiet hour before the madness begins again, but my head is a storm. I feel like I'm being pulled in a thousand directions, and frankly, I'm starting to crack.
It's the pressure, I think. Being "The Symbol of Hope" or whatever the media calls me now… It's exhausting. People watch me, expect… everything. They expect me to be the indestructible force I once was. The man of steel, reborn into a world so different, yet so similar to my own. But I am not a god anymore, my body is weak compared to what it once was.
Izuku, bless his heart, is doing well with One For All. He's got that chaotic energy; he throws himself into everything with such fervor, it's admirable...and also makes me want to pull my hair out sometimes, my brothers the definition of reckless. Mom is also great, with her gentle nature, always hovering to make sure Izuku and I are safe. And Dad, well… he's got the same fire he always did, just directed into supporting us now. He is always trying to help, I just wish he would not try so hard sometimes. He loves us so much we can feel it.
Then there's Momo. My Momo. Just thinking of her makes my chest ache. She's brilliant, beautiful, and so damn composed. She calms the storm inside me just by being near her. When I look into her dark eyes, the world fades away. I love her, I do. I'd do anything for her. But… fuck, I hate this but.
It's Diamond. My best friend, the girl who shouldn't be more than a friend. I see her; her black hair bouncing, her blue lightning streak shining even in low light. Her laugh is infectious, and she gets me. She really understands the weirdness of my past life, the way Peter does. It's a comfort that's getting too comfortable. That damn lightning quirk of hers makes my blood buzz, and lately, it's not just from the electricity.
I'm starting to feel a guilt I haven't felt in a long time. I am in love with Momo, I also feel like I could be something more with Diamond. I just can't wrap my head around it. It's not right, it's not fair to Momo or to Diamond. Maybe I just need to distance myself, or maybe I should talk to someone. I don't know how to talk about these kinds of things, talking to peter has been the only thing that has made sense sometimes. But he is always so busy, I dont like to bother him.
Today, I had to help Marcus, Mina's older brother, deal with a toxic waste incident caused by a villain with a mind control quirk. Then Eliza, Kirishima's older sister, got stuck in a building collapse. Katsume and Alex tried using their quirks to get her out but they just made things worse, I had to use my powers to lift the entire building to make sure she had a way out. It's always something. There seems to be no end to the amount of pressure there is on my shoulders.
And it's not just the hero stuff. It's the people I feel responsible for. Seeing Riley and Ryan, the Himura twins, today, reminded me how fragile everything is. Riley is so cold, so cynical; I see a piece of myself in her struggles. Ryan, on the other hand, tries so hard to bring light, but even he has is moments of darkness. It's a reminder of the weight we all carry, and when I see them It makes me more weary of my position.
Hannah hitoshi is always watching when I visit izuku's class, I can feel her eyes on me. It's creepy to say the least, as well as Anix. He follows his sister around everywhere it's cute but also annoying. The kaminari family always welcomes me, as if I am their own son. It's too much sometimes.
I just want to breathe. To feel like I'm not constantly on the verge of shattering. I miss the simplicity of my old life, even with all the chaos. I miss just being Clark.
I need a plan. I need a break. I need… something. Right now, the only thing holding me together is the thought of Momo's smile.
I think I need to sleep now, before the world starts moving again.