Chapter 37

Leila

Diary Entry 

November 5, 2011

Flashback before the party 

When I first arrived at this remote, suffocating place, I had no intention of making friends. I didn't want to associate with anyone, let alone trust them. I had been burned too many times before. But that fateful day when I caught my roommate snooping through my things changed everything.

Amanda was not only my roommate; she was also studying the same course as me, so avoiding her was impossible. I had always been careful, keeping my distance, maintaining my privacy. But that day, I walked into our room to find her rifling through my belongings. The sight of her holding a bundle of Max's pictures sent a wave of panic through me.

"What on earth do you think you're doing, Amanda?" I demanded, my voice trembling with anger and fear. I snatched the pictures out of her hands before she could see the ultrasound scan hidden underneath. "I told you not to go through my things! I want to be left alone. What right do you have to invade my privacy like this? Don't ever do that again!"

The thought that she might have discovered my biggest secret made me dizzy. I realized right then and there that keeping the scan was a huge risk, but I couldn't bring myself to destroy it. It was ridiculous, I knew, but that little piece of paper was all I had left of my baby. No one knew about it, not even my closest friends back home. It was my burden to bear, and I intended to carry it alone.

Amanda looked shocked and mumbled an apology, but the damage was done. From that moment on, I became the subject of whispers and rumors. My already icy reputation took a turn for the worse. I went from being the cold, weird girl who kept to herself to being branded as a witch. My obsession with Max was plastered all over the school, and everyone knew about it.

Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, Max was the most eligible bachelor around. Handsome, wealthy, and the epitome of every girl's dream man, he was the subject of many crushes, not just mine. So, in the end, it didn't really matter. This was college, after all, and no one really cared about another person's business. Whatever was said to me or about me didn't bother me much. After all, compared to what I had seen and done, these kids were just pesky flies buzzing around. I ignored them, as I always had.

Despite my best efforts to push people away, some of the girls still tried to get close to me. They were drawn to my aloofness, intrigued by the mystery surrounding me. They wanted to lean on me, to draw from my experiences, but I wasn't ready to share. I needed space to think, to figure out who I was and what I wanted to do with my life.

The school itself was meant to tame wayward rich kids, to teach them discipline and morality. But in reality, it only seemed to exacerbate their issues. The restrictive environment, the constant surveillance, the forced prayers it all contributed to the development of personality complexes in many of the students. They either rebelled quietly, becoming even more detached and disillusioned, or they overcompensated, trying too hard to conform and losing themselves in the process.

I didn't fit into either category. I was neither rebellious nor conformist. I simply existed, detached from the world around me. The only thing that mattered was getting through this ordeal and getting out of here as quickly as possible.

But everything changed after that incident with Amanda. It made me reconsider my approach, my isolation. I decided that if I was going to be stuck here, I might as well try to make the most of it. Maybe even have a little fun, despite the risks. I couldn't shake the feeling that keeping to myself was only making things worse. I needed to live a little, to remind myself that there was still a world outside these walls.

That's when I heard about the party. Normally, I wouldn't have even considered attending. The parties here were child's play compared to the wild nights I used to have back home. The kids at this college were from wealthy families, but they were sheltered, inexperienced. Their idea of rebellion was sneaking out for a night of mild drinking and dancing. It was all so tame, so childish, compared to what I had been through.

But this party was different. It was exclusive, something not just anyone could get into. Amanda had managed to snag an invite from her boyfriend, and she knew I was the only one in school daring enough to sneak out with her. The risks were high we could be caught and locked in the school's literal dungeon. Yes, they actually had a dungeon, as if this place wasn't medieval enough already or maybe worst case scenario expulsion, after traumatizing both you and your parents, did I mention the food was awful, sometimes i wondered why somebody have not sued the pants off them but what do I know.

The real reason I decided to go was that Max was on the invite list. That was all I needed to hear. The thought of seeing him again, of being close to him, was enough to make me throw caution to the wind. I agreed to go with Amanda, and the plan was set. We would sneak out after curfew, meet up with her boyfriend, and head to the party together.

The night of the party, I was filled with a mix of excitement and anxiety. It had been so long since I had done anything like this, and the thought of being caught sent shivers down my spine. But the idea of seeing Max overrode all my fears. I dressed carefully, wanting to look perfect. I didn't want to stand out too much, but I also wanted to make an impression. I wanted Max to notice me, to remember me.

When the time came, we slipped out of the school grounds under the cover of darkness. Amanda's boyfriend was waiting for us in a car, parked a short distance away. As we drove off, the tension in the car was palpable. Amanda was nervous, fidgeting in her seat and glancing around anxiously. She reminded me of a younger version of myself, back when I was still naive and trusting.

Without thinking, I reached into my bag and pulled out a small pill. I handed it to Amanda without a word, and she took it gratefully, not even asking what it was. She just popped it into her mouth and swallowed it down with a swig of water. I watched her, feeling a strange sense of déjà vu. How many times had I done the same thing, trusting blindly, not asking questions? It was a sobering reminder of how far I had come, and how far I still had to go.

When we finally arrived at the party, my heart was pounding in my chest. The venue was packed, the air filled with the thumping bass of the music and the buzz of conversation. I scanned the crowd, searching for Max, and there he was tall, handsome, and surrounded by people, as always. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of him, and I knew that this was my chance.

Before I could second guess myself, I grabbed Amanda and pulled her into a brief hug. "Don't wait for me," I told her, my voice firm. "Leave when you're ready. I'll find my own way back."

She nodded, too nervous to argue, and I hurried into the venue, my eyes locked on Max. The man I had admired from afar for so long was finally within reach, and I wasn't going to let this opportunity slip away. I was determined to make him mine, no matter what it took.

As I approached, I could feel the electricity in the air, the anticipation building. Max was talking to a group of people, laughing and smiling, but when he saw me, his expression changed. His eyes widened slightly in surprise, and then a slow smile spread across his face. 

He chuckled, a sound that sent shivers down my spine. "Well, I'm glad you came. It's been a while."

"It has," I agreed, feeling a lump form in my throat. There was so much I wanted to say, but I didn't know where to start.

For a moment, we just stood there, staring at each other, the noise of the party fading into the background. It felt like time had stopped, like we were the only two people in the world. I had dreamed of this moment for so long, and now that it was here, it felt surreal.

But before I could say anything else, we were interrupted by one of Max's friends calling out to him. The spell was broken, and Max reluctantly turned to look at his friend. "I'll be right back," he said, giving me a small, apologetic smile.

I watched him walk away, my heart sinking with disappointment. This was supposed to be my moment, my chance to finally be with him. But now, it seemed like that moment had slipped away.

Determined not to let the night end like this, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I would wait for him to finish with his friend, and then I would make my move. I wasn't going to let anyone or anything stand in my way. Max was worth everything I had been through, and I was going to make him mine, no matter what.