Chapter 36

Leila 

Diary Entry 

November 2, 2011

The final exams were looming, and life as I knew it was slipping away. We had already handed down the cheerleading team to a new crop of students, and the endless parties had slowed to a crawl. Occasionally, we still celebrated, but our wild nights were replaced with more subdued gatherings where we would casually throw questions at one another, trying to keep up appearances while the weight of our futures bore down on us.

All too soon, it was time for my final examination. I should have been relieved, but instead, I was consumed with nervousness. My entire future seemed to hinge on this moment. If I couldn't convince my parents to let me choose my own path for college, it would mean saying goodbye to my friends and everything I had built. The thought of losing Nancy and Diana, the only constants in my life, filled me with dread.

Surprisingly, I did well on my exams, despite the intense stress I had been under. Nancy and Diana also excelled, which was a relief, considering our chaotic lifestyles. For a moment, I thought maybe things would be okay, that we would all move forward together. But then, my dad dropped a bombshell that shattered any hope I had clung to.

True to his word, my dad had arranged for me to go to college. But instead of the freedom I had envisioned, he shipped me off to an unheard-of Christian university in Australia. It was a remote, all girls college that felt more like a prison than an educational institution. We were forbidden to eat meat or fish only vegetables were allowed. We were prohibited from leaving the campus, and the final blow: no phones were authorized. It was as if my dad had scoured the earth to find the most torturous place to send me, and he had succeeded , I hated my school honestly, I Saw them as a bunch of hypocrites that tried to bend people to their will.

I was disgusted that my life was placed in the hands of such people, that controlled my dressing and threatened me with punishment, even God gave us our freedom, why would a human feel that we should be bent to his will for what he felt was just. They were fake, a fraud, I wondered how parents couldn't see that it was pathetic really because they claimed sainthood but they things that went on in that organization would make even the devil weep, but to be honest , I didn't try poking my head, I had more than enough problems on my own to interfere in another persons problem. I counted down each semester eager for the moment the nightmare would end, did I mention I haven't gone home for three and half years but anyway it was for the best l, to me this was a kind of facility of some sort. For that period of time I kept my company tiny that is my diary and I which I endeavour to lock always, i didn't want some of my snoopy roommates digging through my stuff , In-between the diary the picture of my pregnancy scan lay in-between the pages, somehow in the depths of my soul i had this feeling that i would meet my baby again.

The isolation was unbearable. The loss of my friends and social life hit me harder than I could have imagined. While I was with Nancy and Diana, I had taken our friendship for granted, not realizing how much I depended on them until they were gone. Now, all I had were memories of our shared laughter, our secrets, and our dreams. Without them, I felt like a part of me had been ripped away, leaving a hollow emptiness that I didn't know how to fill.

I tried everything to reach out to them, to maintain some semblance of the connection we once had. But every attempt to contact Nancy and Diana proved futile. It was as if they had vanished from the face of the earth, leaving me completely alone. Eventually, I gave up, telling myself that they had moved on without me, that they were probably finding it easier than I was. After all, I had always needed them more than they needed me. Nancy and Diana were closer to each other than they ever were to me, and I had always felt like the third wheel in our trio. But even that had been better than nothing. Now, I had nothing.

Life at the college was monotonous and dreary. Every day felt like a punishment. We were required to attend chapel daily, praying for our sins and those of our parents. It was all so absurd, so utterly ridiculous, that I often wondered if my dad had set the whole thing up just to torture me. But no, this was a real college, just a remote, oppressive one, I felt constantly suffocated like I couldn't breathe. With no friends and no escape, I withdrew into myself, becoming the extreme introvert I had once been. The vibrant, exciting life I had known was gone, replaced by a dull, colorless existence.

The only solace I found was in painting. I had always loved art, but now it became my refuge, the one thing that kept me from losing my mind. I spent hours in the art studio, pouring all of my emotions onto the canvas. My paintings became my voice, expressing the pain, the loneliness, and the anger that I couldn't put into words. I was good at it, better than I had ever realized. My professors took notice, praising my work and encouraging me to pursue it seriously. It was the only bright spot in an otherwise bleak existence.

But even as I excelled in painting, I couldn't escape the memories of my past life. I thought of Max constantly. His face, his voice, his presence it all haunted me. I had never given up on the idea of being with him, even though it seemed more impossible with each passing day. I followed his life obsessively, collecting every piece of information I could find about him. His pictures were plastered on everything I owned, and I clung to the hope that one day, our paths would cross again.

That day finally came during my final year of college. I had been invited to an exclusive party by one of my classmates, a rare event in a place where socializing was practically forbidden. At first, I wanted to decline the invitation, not wanting to expose myself to the emotional turmoil that social events always seemed to bring. But then my classmate mentioned something that changed everything: Max would be attending.

My heart skipped a beat. Max. The one person who had occupied my thoughts and dreams for years. The one person I had never been able to forget, no matter how hard I tried. How my classmates had found out about my obsession with Max was beyond me, but they all knew. His pictures were everywhere in my room, a constant reminder of what I had lost, of the life I used to have.

The night of the party, I dressed carefully, wanting to look perfect. I wanted to make an impression, to show Max that I was still the same girl he had once known, even though so much had changed. As I stared at my reflection in the mirror, I barely recognized the girl looking back at me. The past few years had changed me in ways I couldn't even begin to describe. There was a sadness in my eyes that hadn't been there before, a heaviness that I carried with me everywhere I went. But there was also a determination, a resolve to take control of my life, no matter what it took.

When I arrived at the party, I was struck by how different it was from the ones I used to attend. This was no wild, raucous affair. It was elegant, sophisticated, with an air of exclusivity that made me feel out of place. But I pushed those feelings aside and focused on the reason I was there: Max.

I spotted him almost immediately. He was surrounded by a group of people, all vying for his attention. But despite the crowd, he stood out, just as he always had. He was tall, handsome, and exuded a confidence that drew people to him like moths to a flame. My heart pounded in my chest as I watched him, wondering if he would remember me, if he would even notice me.

I moved through the crowd, trying to get closer without drawing too much attention to myself. As I approached, I could hear his voice, smooth and captivating, just as I remembered. But there was something different about him, something I couldn't quite put my finger on. He seemed more guarded, more distant, as if he was carrying a burden that weighed heavily on him.

Finally, I was close enough to speak to him. "Max," I said softly, my voice trembling with a mixture of excitement and fear. He turned to look at me, and for a moment, I thought he didn't recognize me. But then his eyes lit up with a spark of recognition, and a slow smile spread across his face.

"Leila," he said, his voice full of surprise. "I didn't expect to see you here."

My heart skipped a beat at the sound of my name on his lips. "It's been a long time," I replied, trying to keep my voice steady.

"It has," he agreed, his smile fading slightly. "How have you been?"

It was such a simple question, but I found myself struggling to answer it. How could I sum up everything that had happened since the last time we saw each other? How could I explain the pain, the loss, the loneliness that had become a part of my daily existence?

"I've been… okay," I finally said, knowing it was a lie but not wanting to burden him with the truth.

He seemed to sense that there was more to the story, but he didn't press me for details. Instead, he offered me a drink and suggested we find a quieter place to talk. We ended up on a balcony overlooking the city, the cool night air providing a welcome relief from the crowded party inside.

As we talked, I felt a strange mix of emotions. On one hand, it was like no time had passed at all. We slipped back into our old rhythm, our conversation flowing easily as we caught up on each other's lives. But on the other hand, everything had changed. We were different people now, shaped by our experiences, by the choices we had made.

At one point, I found myself staring at him, trying to reconcile the Max I had known with the Max sitting in front of me. There was a sadness in his eyes that mirrored my own, and I wondered what had happened to him, what had caused that pain, I also saw pain and stark loneliness in his eyes, suddenly he glanced in my general direction, my heart raced as I waited for him to recognize but I realized he seemed perplexed, he didn't know who i was.dissapointment coursed through me but determination made me not to falter, he opened his mouth as if to say something to me but what could he possibly have to say to me? Was it something good? Something bad? The suspense was killing me.

But before he could speak, we were interrupted by someone calling his name. It was one of his friends, urging him to come back inside. I saw the conflict in his eyes, the reluctance to leave, but in the end, he gave in maybe he did recognize me but couldn't place where but the day he saved me on that roof was the day i intertwined his life with mine weather the fates agreed or not.