Kaede Shenanigans(97)

Before going back to the Wandenreich, she went to a nearby shop and got herself some pads alongside cooking equipment because, if her guest was right, Jugram would be on her d—she didn't have one of those...on her tits...a pain in the ass.

A pain in the ass sounded so much better.

Kaede entered the Wandenreich headquarters with her usual air of indifference, hands tucked into the pockets of her uniform.

The moment she stepped inside, a familiar blonde figure was already waiting for her.

Jugram Haschwalth.

His piercing gaze locked onto her with that same stoic intensity he always had, arms folded neatly behind his back.

"Kaede," he said calmly. "Where were you?"

She groaned. Here we go again.

"Tch. What's it to you?" she said, not bothering to stop walking.

Jugram stepped in front of her, blocking her path. "You shouldn't leave without informing anyone. I am your superior."

Kaede's lips curled into a wicked smirk. "Oh? That's cute. You think that means you get to ask about my whereabouts?"

Jugram's brows twitched slightly. "I am not 'asking.'"

Jeez, of course, he had to get like that. Such a pain in the ass...actually, she wouldn't allow him there to begin with...she needed to think of a creative way to describe his continued annoyance.

She sighed, rolling her eyes before reaching into her coat pocket.

Then, without hesitation, she pulled out a handful of pads and held them up right in his face.

"Is this what you want?" she asked with a deadpan look on her face.

Well, damn.

Just to stir the pot, she looked at him and said,

"To be the man who looks through a woman's pads? To be the guy who interrogates a woman about her personal matters? Such wonderful rumors that would spread."

She did see the slight twitch of his eyes. Even if he tried to act all cool, she saw it.

Yay, she annoyed him. That was one point for the mighty Kaede.

The man exhaled sharply before looking at her and saying,

"Just... don't cause trouble."

Was he warning her? That was oddly sweet of him. Not like she was going to get caught. She had the right to visit the human world anytime she wished.

"You would have to catch me, Pad Master," she teased as she walked away, chuckling to herself.

Jugram prayed to the heavens that she would not be using this name in public. /She will./

Once there, she made her way toward a max-security prison cell.

The air was cold in the high-security wing of the Wandenreich, the area where Gremmy Thoumeaux was being held.

The guards at the entrance tensed as Kaede approached.

"Lady Kaede," one of them warned. "You should keep your distance. He is dangerous."

Oh, this wasn't her first rodeo with the child with OP powers.

She barely spared them a glance. "Yeah, yeah. I'll keep that in mind."

She, in fact, did not keep that in mind.

She pushed the door open.

The room was large but barren, save for a small table and a single chair.

Kaede put a hand on her hip and called out.

"Oi, brat. I know you're here."

It took the boy about fifteen seconds to finally appear in front of her, an eerie grin on his young face.

"Tch. What do you want, old hag?"

Kaede's eye twitched a bit, yet she didn't respond. She was young...like, if she were in the human world, she would still be in high school young.

Yet this little prick was calling her old.

She showed him a bag.

Inside were cooking ingredients.

"We are going to cook," she said with a smile on her face.

Gremmy blinked. "What." The boy looked confused.

Kaede clapped her hands together, her voice unnaturally cheerful.

"It's time to learn," she said with a smile.

Gremmy scoffed, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Don't you have better things to do?"

"Nope."

"....Old hag."

SMACK

Gremmy, despite his usual arrogance, was now standing dutifully at a kitchen counter, carefully measuring ingredients while Kaede sat nearby, watching with a bored expression.

The guards outside the room whispered amongst themselves.

"I don't believe it... That's Gremmy.

The monster. The one who could erase people from existence just by imagining it.

And he's baking... like an obedient child."

Kaede leaned back in her chair, arms behind her head.

"Oi, brat. Keep your hands steady. Don't half-ass it."

Gremmy huffed. "I could just imagine the perfect cake instead of doing this nonsense."

Kaede smirked.

"Yeah? And it'd taste like nothing."

Gremmy narrowed his eyes. "The hell does that mean?"

"It means that food made with effort always tastes better."

She motioned toward the finished product. "Now, taste it."

Gremmy hesitated, then picked up a piece and took a bite.

His eyes widened.

Stars practically sparkled in his pupils.

Kaede raised an eyebrow. "Well?"

Gremmy swallowed, then quickly forced a neutral expression.

"It's... average."

Kaede deadpanned. "Brat."

And then, just because she felt like it, she started fixing his hair.

Gremmy squirmed. "Oi! Stop that! What are you doing?!"

"Your hair is a mess. Stop whining."

Before he could argue, a voice called out from the doorway.

Jugram. Again.

Could he just, for once...not be a pain in her behind? Just this time?

"Kaede. You're needed to oversee the Sternritter initiations."

Kaede didn't even look up.

"Hop off my dick."

There was a pause.

Then—

Gremmy, still scowling, muttered.

"You don't have one of those. Want me to imagine it for you?"

— SMACK.

Another bump appeared on his head.

As Kaede walked out of the room, hands behind her head, she passed by Jugram, who gave her a long, exasperated look.

Kaede leaned back against the railing, watching the Sternritter initiates push themselves to their absolute limits. She yawned. Loudly.

A few Quincies nearby turned their heads, startled by her complete lack of enthusiasm.

All of the Schutzstaffel were present, their mere presence enough to keep the weaker recruits on edge.

Yet, she couldn't give a fuck about any of them.

All of them would be convenient power-ups or cannon fodder.

Kaede turned to Jugram with a lazy smirk.

"Pad Master, why am I here?"

A wave of murmurs rippled through the gathered Quincies. Some of them even coughed in shock.

Jugram's eye twitched. "Do not refer to me as that."

Kaede stretched her arms over her head. "Your name's too long. This one's better."

The whispers grew louder.

Somewhere in the background, Bazz-B let out a single bark of laughter.

Kaede ignored them, turning around and spotting Pernida.

The strange, shifting mass of Quincy flesh twitched and curled, its bandages shifting unnaturally.

Kaede waved. "Yo."

Pernida... did something. It twitched aggressively. She decided to take that as a wave. This hand was really nice, she even took time of her days to teach him some stuff.

Gerard Valkyrie looked about as thrilled as always, exuding an overwhelming confidence as he grinned down at the weaker Sternritter.

Meanwhile, Lille Barro—the X-Axis—stood in the distance, arms crossed, looking just as unimpressed as ever.

Kaede sighed. "At least someone gets it."

Then her eyes flicked back to the combat.

Now time to watch Bazz-B's temper go haywire.

Bazz-B stood in the center of the battlefield, another Sternritter collapsed at his feet, charred and smoking from his burning fingers.

Kaede gave a lazy applause. "Wow. So impressive. Fire hot. Never seen that before."

Bazz-B did not have the balls to say shit to her... He tried last time... ended up turned into a lollipop and wearing a ridiculous outfit.

Instead, he raised his hand, preparing to finish the poor guy off.

Jugram stepped in.

"Enough."

Bazz's face twisted in annoyance. "Oh, what, now you care?"

Jugram didn't flinch, his cold, unreadable gaze making Bazz-B click his tongue.

Kaede, however, was not paying attention.

She had her notebook open, casually writing something down.

Jugram's sharp eyes immediately caught the title.

The Balance and the Fire.

BL...

His eye twitched violently.

Kaede, sensing his stare, snapped the book shut and looked away.

"Huh? Did you say something?"

Jugram said nothing, simply rubbing his temple in frustration.

She had a bad feeling. She felt like Jugram would punish her somehow.

Nah... he didn't have the balls to do it.

Later that day.

She walked into her office, hands in her pockets, completely at peace.

And then she saw it.

A mountain of paperwork.

Her blood ran cold.

"Oh no. No. No. No. Paperwork."

She could handle a lot... Vasto Lorde Hollows, even beating Gerard, becoming friends with the literal left hand of the Soul King... Speaking of which, was the Soul King left-handed or right-handed? She wanted to know—if he was a meat-beater, which hand did he use?

Would the hand he used more be more powerful? The more OP the power, the more he used it... What would the Soul King's sperm power be? Probably something like gaining access to any kind of power that could ever exist in the whole multiverse. Since a nut basically has endless opportunity.

So he could be full-power Quincy, Hollow, and Shinigami... Sounds quite busted... Maybe could even copy abilities too.

The Soul King's nut was busted...

...She wondered if, when the Soul King was getting it on with his wife, the three realms shook under the might of the heavenly backshots...

Question to ask Yhwach later.

For now, she must escape her paperwork.

She immediately turned on her heel, attempting a smooth getaway—

And slammed right into Jugram.

She took a slow step back, looking up at him with narrowed eyes.

"...You bastard."

Jugram remained expressionless. "Finish it by tomorrow."

Kaede's eye twitched. "You're a sadist."

"Do your job."

Kaede groaned in agony, dragging herself back into her office.

"This is why I bully you."

Time Skip

After finally earning some free time, Kaede activated a Sun Gate and returned to Karakura Town.

It was snowing.

The cold air bit at her skin, but she barely noticed.

She walked down the quiet street—then stopped.

A familiar presence.

The strange Shinigami was there again.

This time, he wasn't hiding behind illusions.

So he had learned his lesson.

Instead, he was crouched in the snow, carefully shaping a snowman.

A/N...I think it's getting abundantly clear, how much Sora inherited from his mother.