Did I steal your Waifu (107)

Today marked the first day Sora was coming back to school after the little cockblocking escapades.

He was just teasing Rukia, for Christ's sake—why did the man act like he was trying to take her virginity? Like, come on, he was better than this.

He wasn't trying to get it now... maybe in like a week or two, but not now.

Man really acted like if he left Sora and Rukia in a room alone, Sora would pounce on it. Truly had no faith in Sora's self-control, as if he would ever do something like that.

...He would.

Anyway, Sora was now just mildly annoyed, and Uryu was enjoying every second of it. His cousin's suffering filled him with joy like no other.

Uryu sat a few seats away, looking way too pleased. He was enjoying seeing Sora suffer—this was the first time he had ever seen something like this, and he was eating it up.

The Quincy had a satisfied, almost serene look on his face as he sat there, his glasses gleaming with barely contained amusement.

He had decided that watching the universe itself cockblock Sora was his new life mission.

For the first time in his life, he even considered drinking wine... Yeah, he was that happy.

The worst part? Sora could tell Uryu was actively enjoying this more than he had ever enjoyed anything in his entire life.

Ichigo, meanwhile, was completely oblivious to everything going on. He walked up to Sora with a hand in his pocket, nailing his delinquent look.

"Hey," Ichigo said, standing beside him.

Sora lazily turned his head, eyeing him with disinterest. "Sup?"

"I just wanted to thank you," Ichigo said, crossing his arms.

"For what?" Last he checked, he hadn't beaten Ichigo recently—though he did beat him at Super Smash Bros.

Ichigo tilted his head slightly, confused that Sora didn't get it immediately. "For saving my friends. Orihime and Chad. If you hadn't been there—"

Oh... that. Yeah, he definitely acted on instinct, yeah...

"Oh, that?" He waved his hand dismissively. "It's no biggie. They're also my friends, you know. It was the least I could do."

Uryu, as if he wanted to enjoy Sora's suffering even more, pushed back his glasses, looked at Sora with a smile, and then opened his mouth.

"Ah yes, quite the heroic act," he said before pausing dramatically. "Though, I imagine your motivation for showing up so quickly had more to do with something else rather than simple camaraderie."

Sora's gaze darkened. To say he gave Uryu the meanest of death glares would be an understatement.

He was not letting his cousin get this. He refused to let his brother get this.

'This bastard,' Sora thought, still glaring at Uryu, who seemed to be having plenty of fun.

Ichigo, meanwhile, looked between the two of them, his brow furrowing in confusion. "...Okay, what the hell is going on between you two?"

Before anyone could answer—

The classroom door slid open.

Every head turned.

Those were Gigai. He could tell. So those must be Shinigami. The fuck were they doing here? This was the human world—more specifically, Karakura Town—even more specifically, Sora's turf. The fuck were they here for?

As he turned his gaze, he was met with the sight of the Shinigami standing there.

Ikkaku. Yumichika. Toshiro. Rangiku. Renji.

So, by the order of their names, there was a bald man, a man who seemed way too interested in fashion, a middle schooler, a bimbo, and a dude with a messed-up hairline.

Renji, being Renji, immediately spotted Ichigo. "Yo, Kurosaki!"

Ichigo turned. "Huh? Renji? What the hell are you guys doing here?"

As Ichigo greeted Renji, Sora felt weird.

He felt like he was getting the meanest death stare known to man.

The fuck? What did he do to deserve this?

He turned his gaze toward the source.

It was the dude with the messed-up hairline. Renji.

Why the fuck was he looking at him like he was giving his crush backshots?

Like, come on. He gave him the look MCs usually give to the NTR antagonist.

Like, come on—he wasn't fucking the man's wife.

Sora's face scrunched up in confusion.

'What the fuck is his problem? Did I fuck his girl in a past life or something?'

The tension was palpable.

But before Sora could even begin to dissect what the hell was going on, he finally asked the obvious question:

"Okay, but seriously—why the fuck are you guys here?"

"We're stationed here for a while," said the middle schooler.

"Aizen's been keeping a very close eye on two certain people lately~" the lady with her breasts basically out added. Sora, however, did not give her the satisfaction of him looking at them.

"Wait, two people?" asked the wisest teen around.

Ichigo felt like someone was calling him dumb.

Renji nodded. "Yeah. You and him." He gestured toward Sora.

The fuck was that emphasis on the word him for?

The fuck did he do?

Sora inhaled deeply through his nose.

"Ichigo's fine. I can look after him just fine. He's a cutie patootie," Sora said with a smile.

"The hell you mean by that?" Ichigo questioned.

"You're a mama's boy."

"What the fuck would give you that idea?"

"You look like a mama's boy."

"Aren't you, too?"

"Touche."

But someone did not like the banter. The Grinch could be seen.

"Please. Like you weren't already keeping an eye on him," came the words from the hater.

"Okay, what the actual fuck is your problem?" Sora shot back, looking at Renji. Like, come on—what did he do to get spoken to like that?

"I don't have a problem," Renji replied.

"The hell you don't," Sora said. "You're looking at me like I ran over your Zanpakutō spirit in a truck and teabagged its corpse."

"The fuck kinda mental image is that?" Ichigo muttered.

Why the hell was he imagining White getting run over by the car...?

No. His Zanpakutō spirit was Old Man Zangetsu... not the Hollow. It couldn't be the Hollow.

Sora ignored Ichigo, still focused on Renji.

Renji tensed but didn't say anything, just looking away. "Forget it."

Forget it?

Nah. No shot.

Sora squinted.

Then it hit him.

The way Renji looked at Rukia.

The way Renji looked at him.

Oh.

Ohhhhhhh.

Sora leaned back, crossing his arms with the smuggest fucking grin. "No way. No. Fucking. Way."

Renji's eye twitched harder. "The hell are you grinning about?"

Sora let out a slow, dramatic gasp. "Bro." He leaned in, whispering, "Do you have a crush on Rukia?"

The room went silent.

Renji visibly malfunctioned. His entire soul seemed to crash like a Windows XP error message.

Ichigo choked. Uryu adjusted his glasses slower, which was basically his Quincy equivalent of laughing his ass off.

Tōshirō just sighed, already regretting being here.

Renji's face turned red—a special kind of red that perfectly matched his hair. "Shut the hell up!"

Sora cackled. "Oh my God, you do! You totally do! That explains everything—oh, this is amazing."

Renji grabbed him by the collar. "Say that again, and I swear to god—"

Sora, completely unbothered, just grinned wider. "What? That you've been watching me like I stole your waifu?"

As Renji's grip tightened, Sora only smiled.

"Quick reminder—my outfit cost quite a hefty penny, so unless you have 20k to spare, don't destroy it."

Sora was happy. This was fun.

A/N