The Burden of Being

When I opened my eyes, I was met by a familiar face, or figure since it was faceless. It seemed to have rotten in the devouring darkness for a while now. It probably didn't even remember its face. Its white fire had started to die out without anyone filling it. Its stone had cracked from its old age. 

'I didn't think you could find a gate in this dying state.' How long has it been activated? Was it her after my defeat, or before? Also, meanwhile, Rune did say they were stuck for a while on getting testers, it couldn't have been enough time to get it into this dreadful state.

But again what other explanation was there? There were many things wrong with it when comparing it to Rune's story. Had he lied to me? Or was he keeping part of the secret in the internal cage of guilt, knowing participating would lead to my death, but they couldn't waste any time?

That's what the dots were pointing to. But was that guy really someone who could ever betray someone? Was he hiding his real self under that personality of his? Did the real him even exist, or was he long gone, devoured by the responsibility burning deep inside his stomach, piercing him like a sharp katana?

I never liked mystery, I hated not knowing everything about someone or something. I didn't like not being omniscient. And I know where this flaw of mine came from. It all goes back to that dreaded day, the day I was abandoned by my mother. That day my hatred for humanity forged, and I was left alone with only the mysteries of this flawed world.

But then again, I guess that was one thing we had in common, that we were both failures by birth. But there was something different about us, I proclaimed the role of king and got rid of any flaw through my desire and work, meanwhile, the world had remained the same.

As mysterious as ever. Like its flaws were bound to it by some divine power for a wicked joke. Or maybe it preferred itself that way, defective of any meaning or trust. 

Well, who am I to judge it for holding a part of itself for eternity, maybe it had become precious to him, though I don't get it not wishing for perfection. I can't arbiter it while I'm doing the same thing as the one I'm criticizing so mercilessly. I too have dreaded revenge all my life, I basically revolved my life around it, as a sword to use.

How hypocritical of me, always judging everyone for wasting their life for not letting their flaws go, meanwhile I revolved my whole life against my imperfection.

...Maybe I can try living a normal life? Maybe I can let go of this disguise, and live my life as I should have.

'Would I even know how to do that, when I don't know what a typical life is.'

What if I tried being an actual human, instead of this beast I'm trying so hard to become again? Maybe just maybe... I could live among humans, as a human myself.

When I enter that gate and get out of this cursed tower, what if I just go and spend time with my human mother? After all, I regret the fact I couldn't spend time with my real mother, so why should that become the case for this mother too?

'But those are just ifs, aren't they? All dreams and possibilities, but nothing real.'

...

I looked at the dying gate, around it was only darkness, the only one that came to its funeral. The onyx walls made realizing that I was in fact inside the actual tower and not inside another infected memory.

'So it was only darkness.' From the outside, the darkness made your mind rush for ideas of what was beyond it, just to disappoint you when you arrived.

But that didn't matter when the best surprise was just in front of you.

'A way out.' It felt... too good to be real, to actually exist.

'Come out now, I figured you out.' I said while thinking this was all a hallucination, caused by the beast of the fifth floor, and going inside the gate would mean trapping yourselves in its palm.

But there was nothing, this was real, and not some evil nightmare wanting to crush my dream.

Realizing this I smiled. Destiny had finally smiled upon me, blessing me with its luck.

I walked toward the gate, my feet trembling with anxiety but also joy, as a part of me still denied the possibility of escaping. But the wish to escape was stronger in the end.

...

When my eyelids opened, the sunlight burned my eyes with its stunning appearance. I stared at it, my eyes starting to water, it was too beautiful to look away.

But I had to, or else I would have melted my eyes. But this only confirmed my escape, as I found myself in the same room I had left.

'Im out!' And with one of my skills now leveled up!

I had wished for at least two level-ups, but I can't complain when I was back in one piece.

But the question was...

'What now?' And I didn't mean what was I going to do right at the moment, as that was clear. I was going to have a long talk with Rune. But what was I going to do in the near future? Was I going to spend some time with my family, see how human life is, and maybe even try to level up? Or was I going straight into The Core?

Could I see myself serving on my own in The Core? After all, I couldn't do it as the King Of Beast, but as a lonely and flawed human. Was I going to have to take out this piece of myself with force to be able to adapt?

Or will revenge blind me?

'The Core, also the graveyard of pride. I wonder how my pride will stack up to it.'