five

I was one of the first students to rush out the school doors as the final bell rang. I was practically running as I looked behind me in search of Chris.I even ignored Alex when I saw him waving at me; instead, ducking down and rushing away. My phone pinged a few seconds later as I rushed home; I didn't bother looking at it.At home, I finally shut the door behind me, and locked it. Finally, I let out the breath I'd been holding in since the afternoon.I'd spent the last four classes, completely distracted by Chris. It was as if the scene was on an endless loop in my head, no matter how much I wanted to forget about it.When my phone rang, I immediately picked it up upon noticing Alex's name on my screen.'I kissed Chris.' I told him as a greeting.The line on the other line was silent. When it was silent for more than necessary, I checked my phone to see if the call had disconnected. 'Alex?''Why?' Alex asked after a moment, his voice strained.I sighed, 'I don't know. I don't know why I did it. I don't know what's wrong with me.''I'm almost outside your house.'I stood up, peeping open the door a little. I kept my foot behind the door as a precaution. When I saw Alex, I grabbed his collar, and pulled him inside, immediately locking the door behind him.'You didn't see Chris on your way here, did you?'I walked to my room, Alex following behind me.'No.'I was getting some clothes to change into. When I turned, I almost jumped at Alex's closeness, 'What are you doing? Move!' I was about to push him away when he grabbed my wrist, 'Alex!'When I looked up, he had this serious look on his face that made me pause, 'I just... I can't hold it in anymore. I really tried to, but I just can't.''What are you talk-''I like you, Mia.'I blinked, then laughed, 'Oh, you always know ho-'He interrupted me halfway by kissing me. I was too shocked to do anything so I just stood there like a statue. A moment later, he pulled away, 'Mia-'That was enough to get me to move. I pushed past him, and ran into my bathroom, locking the door behind me.I heard him knocking, 'Mia! Mia, come on, open the door.'I shook my head, but stayed silent, 'I just want to talk to you, please.'I heard him sigh from outside the door, then, 'I had to let you know at least once Mia. I'm sorry. I'll wait at the park for you.'I heard his footsteps walking away, then the staircase creaking, and finally, the main door shutting as he left. Only after he was completely gone did I leave the bathroom.My feet walked me to the bed, as I clutched at something to help me sit down. My mind was reeling, spinning with thought, memories.Memories of me, of Alex, of every single moment we had spent together; I was seeing through all of it at the same time. My head hurt from the sensory overload, and I clutched it in an attempt to make it all go away.Then, finally, when it felt like I couldn't take it anymore, my mind zoomed in on one single memory. It was the day Lila, and I had met him.Lila giggled as she bumped into me on the swings. I bumped right into her, giggling as well.We were both so occupied trying to push the other away that we didn't someone standing in front of us, until Lila pushed me a little too strongly, and I went crashing into the other kid.'Lila!' I screamed, as I stood up, still not noticing the kid weeping in front of me.But, when Lila pushed past me, and headed for the other kid-I was about to scream at her again when I finally noticed the other kid clutching his elbow.'Oh my god, you're bleeding!' Lila sat next to him, as he clutched his elbow. I heard him crying, as I also sat at his other side.'I'm so, so sorry... ' I said, feeling panicked, and guilty all of a sudden.In-between hiccups, the kid mumbled, 'I just-I was just, trying, to talk-to talk, w-with you two..'Lila grabbed him, pulling him up with her, and walking over to the nearest bench. I grabbed hold of him from the other side, supporting them as we sat down on the bench.Once seated, Lila got up, telling me, 'Mia, wait with him. I'll be right back!'I nodded, not looking at her, and trying to get the kid to calm down.'Hey, okay. You know, I was once pushed by a pig, then saved by a horse. Well, he didn't technically push me, he just scared me. I was just standing there, then all of a sudden, he goes, 'Oink oink!'' I scrunched up my nose, and bunched my eyebrows to try to imitate an angry pig.The kid laughed a little seeing my face, so I took that as encouragement, 'So, I like, 'Aaaaahhhh!'' I flared my arms up in the air, moving them from side to side as if I was falling.'But, just when I was about to fall, my knight in shining fur saves me.' I turned around on the bench, and bent down to try an imitate a horse, and tried to make a sort of smug face.'So, there I was, landing right on his butt! My savior!' I smiled with all my teeth as the kid laughed at me.When the kid was still somewhat giggling, I smiled, and asked, 'I'm Mia. What's your name?''Alex,' he said in-between laughs. Just then, Lila returned with a bandage, and some ointment.She was surprised to see the kid laughing, and asked, 'Huh, what's so funny?''I was telling him about Cotton, and Oinky,' I giggled, and so did Lila.'Oh, about how much of a scaredy-cat you are?' She asked as she put some ointment on Alex's wound.I crossed my arms, claiming, 'No, I'm not!''Yes, you are!''No, I'm not!''Yes, you are!' She placed the bandage on the wound.'No, no, no!''Yes, yes, yes! She focused completely on me now that Alex's wound was all taken care of.'No!' I tackled her to the ground, as we both tried to get on top of the other. When we heard laughter above us, we stopped and saw Alex.'What are you laughing about, huh?' Lila asked him sharply from underneath me.When he noticed us both glaring at him, he sobered up quickly, and started backing away, 'Nothing. Nothing at all. I'm just going to go... 'Lila, and I shared a look, and grabbed him on each side, 'Where are you going?'The kid looked scared as he stuttered, 'H-h-home?''Not so fast.' Lila told him as we pulled him to the swings. Seating him in the middle, each of us took the ones beside him.'So, Alex, ' I put emphasis on his name, 'You said you were trying to talk to us.''W-well, I-''Alex?' Lila exclaimed excitedly, 'Is it short for Alexander?''N-no-''Why not?' Lila looked disappointed as she asked.'Because it's not the middle ages, Lila.' I said in a 'duh' tone.She stuck a tongue at me.The memory hit me deeply. I hadn't realized I was crying until I felt wetness on my cheeks.As if by some foreign force, my eyes were pulled to my window. It was hidden by the curtains-as usual.Somehow, my feet walked to the window on their own until I the curtains were right in front of me. I knew the window was open from the air pushing against the curtains.My hands reached out slowly, I could feel them shaking as I grabbed the curtain. I could feel my breathing quicken up, coming out in short bursts of air.Before I could have a full-blown panic attack, I pulled the curtains away. My heart froze as I stared at the window opposite me.I couldn't breath. All I could see was the window, and the dull furnishings inside.My eyes wandered over the dull furnishings. The once-white furnishings were now darkened by dust. It almost appeared black, as if no one had even existed here once.Memories of Lila, and I sneaking into one another's room late night flashed before my eyes. It felt like yesterday.When my eyes drifted over to her dressing table, I noticed someone sitting on the chair. All of a sudden, the air slammed back into my lungs, and I heaped in large gulps of air as I saw the figure getting up from the chair.When she turned around, I fell to the floor, losing my balance upon my wobbly legs.'No, no,' I shook my head as panic overtook me. My mind felt foggy, I couldn't think-couldn't even remember my own name as I tried to crawl backwards.Lila smiled at me as she walked towards me. With each step she took towards me, I crawled further back until I felt the bedside table blocking me from going further backwards. I got up, and rushed out my bedroom door, all the while keeping my eyes on Lila.As I ran down the stairs, my feet almost slipped. I grabbed onto the staircase handle for dear life, all the while trying to breath, and make my way outside the house. I had to get out.Outside, in the sunlight, I just stood there breathing in large gulps of air. The light was so blinding I could barely see anything in front of me.When I finally felt somewhat stable, the fog clouding my mind faded away, and I was able to think. Lila.I tried to make sense of what had just happened, but no matter how I tried, it just didn't make any sense.Slowly, I turned around, staring at the house next to mine.In the daylight, it appeared almost normal-like any of the other houses on the street. But, I knew better.This house had seen more death than this entire town had in the past seventeen years.Strangely, my feet dragged me to it. While my mind was screaming at me to run away, my heart felt calm-my breathing normal. It was as if my heart knew this place while my mind didn't.The floorboards creaked as I walked up the patio. I noticed my boots leaving behind footprints in the dust that had settled over the entire house.My hand reached out to grab the doorknob. It felt cool beneath my skin, even as the sun shone on my back. I shivered, and turned the knob, pushing the door open.What had once been my safe haven now looked like a haunted house. I didn't want to step a foot inside this place, I didn't want to touch the beige walls, and feel the dust on my hands, I didn't want to be in here.All I wanted to do was run, but it were as if my feet weren't my own.My breathing was still normal as I took in the familiar surroundings. I had spent almost ten years of my life here; I knew the place like the back of my mind.The staircase protested against my feet as I headed upstairs. It was then that I felt my heartbeat quicken up a bit. That vision of Lila walking towards me was still in my mind.But, I knew it wasn't real, as much as I wanted it to be. So, I pushed open the door to Lila's room, expecting to come face-to-face with Lila.What I was greeted by instead was even worse-a neverending silence that weighted so heavy on me that I felt as if it would swallow me whole.It felt as if no one had been in here for the past seven years. Everything was just as Lila had left it, even her clothes were still strewn on the floor-mind you, they were crawling with spiders so I took a wide step away from it.I found myself looking into the mirror. But, instead of seeing myself, I saw two girls sitting in front of the mirror.Their voices echoed in my head, as if some distant memory.'Sit still, okay.' I watched as little Lila grabbed a lipstick off of the dressing table.'Okay, but, what if your mom finds out?' I saw myself squirming on the seat, peaking my eyes open to look at Lila glaring at me.'Quiet!'I chuckled as mini-me immediately straightened up, making a zipping motion across her lips.'Good. Now, then, I'm going to start here... 'Little Lila dragged the lipstick around me lips a little too much until it was almost covering half my chin too. Then, she grabbed some blush, and proceeded to practically smack my cheeks until I looked like a tomato.'Ow, that hurts!' Mini-me protested, smacking away the brush, and Lila's hands. She accidently smacked the blush palette, and it clattered to the floor-the powders smearing every which way.Little Lila rushed off towards the broken powder, trying to put them all together, 'Oh, no. Mom's going to be!'Mini-me peaked open an eye, and noticing the mess on the floor, squeaked, 'Oh my god, I told you not to touch it, Lila!'Little Lila glared at me, 'Ugh, it's all your fault, Mia!' She tried to grab mini-me, but I ran away with little Lila chasing after me.I blinked at the memory, feeling a sadness so strong that it overwhelmed all my sense.I sat on the seat, simply staring at the floor. My eyes felt too dry to be able to cry, yet it felt as if my heart couldn't stop weeping.