Chapter Forty-One

Today is the worst day of my life.

I told the woman I love that I don't want to see her anymore. It was true but not in the context that I think she has interpreted it. I can't get rid of her hurt face in my mind. Seeing her like that caused something to crack within me. And I'm certain it was my heart.

Urgh! Why am I even doing this? Oh, right. It's because I'm a coward. I'm scared of her rejection. However, now that I've been thinking about that a lot. I realized what I did to her was the very thing that I didn't want her to do to me. I technically rejected her and our friendship. That was so messed up!

Justin, what were you thinking!?!?

I made it worse... or did I? Isn't this better? She hates me now so she won't make any attempts to see me again. I could already tell she had left me alone. She had not called or texted me since our confrontation. This should be good because my plan is now progressing the way it should.

But it hurts... it hurts so much.

I decided to suck it up as I drove into the yard of my apartment. It wasn't 2 am. It was only 9 pm. I already had a horrible confrontation with Claire this afternoon. I do not want to add to that by pissing Ryan off.

However, when I entered the apartment, I stopped dead in my tracks. Not only was Ryan waiting for me with a stern face, similar to what he had when I left in the morning. Diane was also by his side looking worried and sad. They were both eyeing me as if they had been waiting for me all day. As much as I didn't want another emotional wrecking confrontation. But it looked like I walked right into one.

"Kuya, you have a lot of explaining to do." Ryan was the first one to speak.

I was about to play dumb by saying "I do?". However, Diane began to speak as well.

"Ate Claire went home earlier. She looked... like a mess. She even locked herself in her room and refused to let anyone in. I asked the bodyguards about what happened earlier. They didn't hear what you two talked about. But they all saw Ate Claire crying after talking with you."

That killed all the defense mechanisms and confrontation escape plans I had. She cried? She doesn't cry. Not Claire. But I made her cry. Damn... I went far with that one. I'm so stupid!!!

"And that's the thing! We don't know what's going on. You two were fine a few days ago! Then all of a sudden, this is happening!" Ryan said with frustration.

I couldn't find my voice to say something. I lost it the moment I heard Claire cried after I said that to her. Damn... I really hurt her.

"Ate Claire is also confused with this too. She's thinking that she must have done something wrong that you are not telling. She wanted to talk to you and make amends for whatever she had done. I know she's not good at delivering what she has to say but I still wish you gave her the chance." Diane added looking very worried for her cousin.

"What we don't understand is why you are acting this way. What happened?" Ryan said, looking at me, waiting for an answer.

I only stared back at them.

"Kuya, what happened between you and Ate Claire?" Diane said, pleading with me.

What happened? Oh, I knew well what happened. I fell in love with her.

"I-I-I can't say it." is what I managed to say.

I can't let anyone know especially her.

"What? What do you mean you can't say it?" Ryan asked confusion etched on his face.

"I-I really can't say it. I shouldn't."

Both Ryan and Diane looked at me in puzzlement.

"You're so confusing!" Ryan began. "Ate Claire is leaving any time soon. All she wanted was to spend her last days here with us, especially with you. That's all she wants but you are not giving her a chance. Instead, you're hurting her."

I know and it's all I can think about.

"I know... I didn't mean to hurt her. I- I'm hurting with all of this too."

Both of them looked at me stunned.

"If you're hurting too, then why are you doing this to her? Did you have a problem with Ate Claire?" Diane asked.

"No. She's not the problem." I said.

"Then, what's the problem?" Ryan asked.

"The problem... the problem is me," I answered.

"Ha?" Both Ryan and Diane said at the same time.

"I don't get it." "What do you mean?"

Ryan and Diane both said at the same time again. Then, they began bombarding me with questions.

"What's your problem?"

"If the problem is you, why are you ignoring Ate Claire?"

"Why are you behaving like this with Ate Claire?"

"It doesn't make any sense at all."

The questions continued to put pressure on me. I couldn't think of any excuse to say. I can't. I just... I can't... I should... The reason... I... I...

"It's because I fell in love with her!"

My sudden outburst was enough to silence the two. They both looked at me in surprise. The emotions that had welled up inside of me began to burst out. I have reached my limit. My emotions are finally free-flowing like a dam that has cracked down. I couldn't take it anymore.

"I love her! Okay!" I continued to say in a raised voice. My eyes began to blur as emotions took over me.

"I developed romantic feelings for her. I know that I should not have fallen for her. I tried to ignore it but it was just too much to hold in."

Ryan and Diane only looked at me wide-eyed. Since they were not speaking, I continued my ranting as I released all of the pent-up frustration I had.

"It was too much to bear that I almost confessed to her a few days ago. I didn't want to slip up and tell her that especially since she was going to leave soon. That's why I am ignoring her. I do not want to burden her with my feelings."

I can't believe I am finally letting this all out.

"I thought ignoring her would help me kill these feelings for her. So, when she leaves, I can easily move on."

Yes... move on, from a one-sided love that was never meant to be. I laughed bitterly to myself.

"I'm so dumb. I already knew that these feelings would never be reciprocated. Like, how could she? She's into girls! On top of that, she once snatched my then girlfriend!"

I continued to laugh with bitterness as I felt tears begin to form in the corner of my eyes.

"How in the world did I fall for the woman who once stole my girlfriend!? I'm so out of my mind, right!?" I asked in a raised voice not wanting an answer.

After saying those words, I began to calm down. It felt like the thorn within me had stopped pricking me. It's still there but it wasn't as painful as before. I didn't realize how badly I wanted to tell someone about this until now.

Ryan and Diane still had their stunned faces looking at me. I can't blame them for having delays in their reaction. After all, I did spill a shocking secret none of them had expected. However, I realized that they still didn't move. They are still looking at me with wide eyes and nervous expressions.

"What?" I asked confused.

They didn't answer. I was going to ask them to say something when I realized what was going on. They weren't looking at me. Rather, they had their eyes glued on something behind me.

Oh no... it can't be.

I turned to look behind me. And in an instant, my whole body felt like ice. There standing by the half-opened door was Justine Claire Solistre.