099. Homecoming, 3

(Rose)

We spent the night in a fortified room. Even though the last few nights were calm, we're still a little afraid of what might come.

The good thing is that we were able to help ourselves with the best leftovers in town. It included a luxurious house to stay the night, and the bed is surprisingly comfortable. I didn't really want to share a bed with her but it was the most sensible choice.

At least she's quiet and I prefer it that way.

Morning came as quietly as the night was. There are no birds to hear at all. Nothing but the calm wind. It feels strangely peaceful. We wake up and set ourselves ready. We leave the house as tidy as before, almost clean, as if we had been guests.

Neither of us wants to loot anything. What we will carry is just necessities and travelling equipment.

The horses are still there, and calm. They act very serene, as if they truly weren't concerned about anything anymore. It's strange she says.

I tell her that we lost count of how many strange we already encountered. She smiles.

We didn't found any compass, but I did find a map before. We know how to find our way with the sun and we can't get lost with a map. At least if we find where we are first.

The map is strange too. We don't recognise much the countryside. We see London, but it looks different. I think it's more on the west than it should be. Ann thinks that the scale is off and it's too big.

There is so much things to read on this map we have a hard time finding the name of the town. The paper is old and a bit greasy, but we found where we are.

And though it isn't on that map, I know where we'll go. It will be a long journey though. But I have to go home...

I know she's waiting for me there. I need to see her again.

I must go home...

Ann doesn't know the full extent of my wish to go home, but she isn't bothered by it. She has nothing else to do, nowhere to go, and would like to travel with me for a while.

Because it's safer probably, but I'm smart enough to understand that it's not the only reason. It's for the same reason that she helped me, because she appreciates me.

It still feels a bit odd to me, but who am I to refuse her help and company?

We ate a little. Mostly dried food. She found some cans and preserved. Wine too, but I don't like the taste of wines. She kept the bottle for later.

No luck for any medical supply. My wounds will have to stay clean a while longer. Hopefully they don't look like gangrene or infections are developing. I'm impressed by my body resilience actually. I even almost don't feel pain anymore. I still have strange itches on some of my missing phalanges though. And the more I move them, the more it hurts.

We leave. Ann holds the reins of my horse too. I just have to keep my balance over the horse's movements.

We go at a slow pace at first, and Ann increases the speed every now and then, when I get accustomed to it.

We follow a dark stony road. It's a bit too hard for the horses she says. We go on the side of it. We go through the scenery, through the land. Everything is so quiet, it's disturbing.

We pass by the remnants of some cars on the road. I've never had the chance of driving one. The one we pass by are wrecks however. Long abandoned. Some trees are growing inside some of those. Or giant mushrooms. That's quite funny to look at, but hard to comprehend.

Maybe there truly was a war? How could a country turn so silent in just a few days?

We pass by other roads and bridges, but everything is still and quiet. It's as if we are the last two people on the island. Well, that surely is impossible, even if a war had struck the country.

We go over the horizon, and see a few towns in the distance from time to time. We keep going, all day long. It's a long and very quiet journey. We make a few stops for me to rest a bit, eat, proceed with the necessities and finally to camp. When it becomes dark and we're all tired, we mount camp.

Ann built a curved, round tent very quickly. I've never seen anything like it but it sure is convenient. She ties the horses to a tree while I set the sleeping bags. I've never seen that kind of thing before either. Well, that's what is written on the bag that hold them. It's easy to figure how they work, but it feels really strange. These cloths are odd.

R - Where did you found these?

A - In a house, in a box labelled camping gear.

I wonder who made these things. We make a fire and we eat a little. We go to sleep. These bags are uncomfortable and too warm. We end up sleeping on top of them with a pair of blankets.

~

Once you finally leave your hometown, you discover things you never heard of before, even when it still is the same country. The world is full of wonders.

And we live in a time of wonders and innovations. New materials and craftsmanship are blooming through the world, at such a rate that countryside people like me cannot truly follow.

And I still am among the wealthiest, knowing there is electricity and tap water in my house. I wonder what kind of new thing could already be common in the households of other countries? Maybe they use more machines already. To help with the cleaning it would be nice. Washing linen is so tiring.

While our horses are trotting at a good and steady pace, I'm left with nothing to do but daydream and be careful with how I ride.

I think about what doesn't matter like that, to avoid thinking about what truly worries me...

How will be my home when I finally return?

Where will she be? How is she?

I'm worried about her. About them...

I hope they're alright, but I'm truly worried. Because I don't know what might have happened to them since I left, and since we entered troubled times...

I hope they're alright... I hope I will find her soon...

My heart aches a lot when I think about her, because I miss her. Because I'm reminded of the last time I thought I might have lost her...

I'm reminded of that time when I felt the world disappear before me...

If she's gone... My life will end.

I suffered that fear once. I survived the loss of her once... I'm not certain I could survive it a second time.

I must go home, and I'm scared to death that she won't be there anymore, again. If that happened...

I don't want to think about it...

But it's hard to focus on anything but my worries when all we do is ride easily through empty countryside.

I need a rest. And to easy my mind with something else, to stop thinking about my worst fear. Homecoming is the wish that helped me survive the worst nights, and the worst fights.

But now I have apprehension too.

I call All, I need a rest. A pause. At the next town she says. Signs on the road nearby are encouraging, it's close.

We reach it one hour later and I don't feel so good. The town looks like the others. Abandoned in haste with some mindless destruction here and there. Traces of explosions or fissures bigger than cows ripping the ground apart on some places. Things we don't understand around here are legion, and we begin not to focus on it anymore.

We focus on what we can actually comprehend, like basic needs, and our goal.

I feel nauseous. I take a small walk in a park while Ann takes a look around for medical supplies and anything useful.

The park is more quiet than a cemetery. I wonder how cemeteries are now, given that change.

There are some pink flowers I don't know here and there, sprouting through the streets. It's pretty, but unsettling.

If flowers bloomed in the middle of the streets, does it mean...

I don't want to think about it. I need to stop thinking about it. About my fear. About everything. I need to stop thinking. It feels like Victoria is whispering to me again, trying to turn me insane.

I'm holding my head as I sit, trying to calm down. The demon is not back, I'm just panicking that's all.

Relax, you're alright. You're fine now.. You will make it. You will be alright.

I can't manage to convince myself. I need help, I can't calm down.

I miss her... I'm scarred. What if she's gone? What will I do? Look for her again? Kill myself? I'm not sure...

Ann suddenly tells me that I don't look so well. For a second I wanted to get violent, but the impulse faded quickly, faster than usual. I don't lie.

R - I'm afraid.

She finds curious that I'm afraid now that nothing threatens us. I explain myself. I'm scared now as I fear something might have happened to my sister at home. I'm worried. It's eating me.

She asks if there is something she could do to help me. I tell her then, if she can help me change my mind, help me relax or thinking about this fear no more, she would be welcome.

She carries what must be medical supplies in an orange case. Finally disinfecting properly my wounds could ease my mind from my worries, since I will probably scream from pain for a while. I'm not overjoyed.

But it's surely the best thing to do now if I want to survive all this.

I must look sad. Ann looks at me with a motherly smile. She comes and kiss my forehead beside falling bandages. I'm surprised. She's trying to be reassuring.

~