100. Nightmare, 5

(Rose)

Ann opened the box of medical supplies and tools. I swallowed my saliva with apprehension of what is coming.

Even if the wounds are not bleeding anymore, alcohol hurts like hell on them nonetheless.

I'm almost naked because I have wounds all over my body. I've been bitten on the feet, ankles, one shoulder, both hands and wrists. I've been hurt and scratched on my head, back, tummy, hips, thighs and back of the shoulders. My left arm has teeth wounds around the elbow that are deep. The skin is ripped along the arm up to my miserable leftover of a hand.

I also have chemical burns stains all over my back and left arm. I think that's about it. The back of my head was hurt too.

Ann proceeded with cleaning all that with alcohol. I feel like I've been thrown into a fire. All my skin burns and my left arm could burst into flames at any second for all I know.

I feel a bit stunned, I don't know if I'm screaming or not but I feel very tired. I've lost control of my body for a while. I don't know what I have done and my memory is hazy. I'm sitting poorly and drenched in cold sweat.

I feel cold but my left hand is still burning me.

Ann is saying that I've been brave I think. She lifts my chin and makes me drink some water that contains pills. Antibiotics?

I feel burned out. All my joints hurt me. Ann is inspecting carefully my hand and cleaning the wounded flesh thoroughly. Now it doesn't look that repulsive anymore. Mostly flesh and skin being ripped out. The flesh is between pink and red, sensitive, but not bleeding anymore. We can see a bit of finger bones protruding from some wounds. It all looks surprisingly healthy...

The burnt skin all over these looks like healthy scabs now. I should be okay? She believes so. There's no sign of remaining infection or disease.

While she's wrapping bandages over all these, I faintly whisper that I guess I'm lucky. Ann says without looking up that she is the lucky one, and that I'm a very brave woman...

I think I cried a little, but I'm not sure why. I've never felt brave... Maybe it's not something one should judge about oneself.

My body is tightly wrapped in a new healthier layer of bandages on a lot of places. She seems to know her job. I'm impressed. I ask her.

She tells me that she's simply less afraid to act for what she wants now.

I wonder if she is less afraid because she has lost everyone she cared for. I probably thought that out loud, because she seems amused as if I'd said something very naïve.

A - I'll tell you when you get home.

She's hiding something from me. Why does she keeps smiling like that?

Something soft is touching me. Before I can realise what happened, she's sitting next to me. We'll rest a while longer before resuming the journey she says.

My heart flutters oddly.

~

When I wake up, it's evening already. I've slept for a few hours. I'm lying down on one of these sleeping bags, still in the same park. I'm alone.

I stand up. Did Ann left? Before jumping to conclusions, I go back to where we left the horses.

They're gone. I still hardly believe that Ann would go without me like that. But nightfall is coming and I'm not reassured.

I saw light in one house further down the street. That's probably it. I'm right, she's there. I find her doing something I would not have expected.

Because she lost her baby recently, perhaps it's making sense. But I feel weird having seen that. She's embarrassed too, and even apologises. I look away and tell her a bit clumsily not to worry, that she can take her time, I don't mind. I go wait outside.

I don't know where proper manners or intimacy should be set nowadays and for us two. I know that seeing her breasts bothers me..

She's still a bit flustered too when she comes outside to invite me in. We can dine at the table.

She's holding a glass of milk and obviously doesn't know what to say anymore. She can't find her words and it must be a turmoil in her mind right now.

I guess she didn't want to let it go to waste. Maybe it was hurting her. I feel very embarrassed, but I take the glass away from her hand. Without looking at her surely worried or sorrowful look, I drink it. The taste seems far more stronger now, almost overwhelming. But it doesn't feel that bad.

My heart is beating fast because I'm embarrassed. I think she was holding her hands close to her mouth as if to prevent any sound from escaping, while she looked at me drinking it.

This feels supremely weird, that moment and that mood. But warm still. Maybe too much.

We don't know what to say for a while. She then meekly thanks me.

R - Though I still feel a little embarrassed about it, I can understand why you did that.

A - I'm touched you drank it knowingly.

She even blushes like a young girl, that makes me smile.

She thanks me again, brushing a worry away from her eyes, and we resume a more casual evening.

~

We sleep in a bed upstairs and have probably both unsettling dreams.

We talk more openly about it on the next morning, while riding away from there. We're wearing new hats.

My guess was right. Her breasts hurt ber since her baby's gone. And she knows enough about the virtues of milk not to want it go to waste.

It was a weird idea, but probably I would have done the same. Who knows...

That's a strange relationship we now have. Thinking about it makes me laugh. She asks why I am laughing, a bit loudly, because the horses are trotting at a good pace now. We can't hear ourselves easily.

I tell her, amused. Because I think our friendship as it is is another strange thing to add to the unending string of oddities we encounter lately.

She thinks about it. She smiles heartily. She agrees I think.

A while later, we go on a more tranquil pace. We can talk more easily. She asks me about my home.

I did tell her at some point that I would tell her more about my story. About my odd family...

~