391. Creating life, 8

(Rose)

Ogre feeds me. She tells me a few more torturing words, gives me a few torturing sensations, and feelings, and then disappears.

I've noticed she's spending less and less time with me lately.

I'm not offering any resistance, because I can't, so it's probably not as fun anymore now, as it was on the beginning.

The pleasure of victor spoils fast.

My mind is a more primal blank now. It's mostly gone. I can't think with words at that time.

I only suffer in every imaginable and unthinkable way.

The only non-painful sensations in my body are the disgusting and horrifying ones.

Mainly that monster moving inside my womb. It's the worst aspect of my current existence in consciousness. Carrying a parasitic life I have no control upon. A disease I can't cure myself from. It's an abomination I'm forced to carry and let grow inside of myself, as a part of myself. I have to sacrifice my life to let that one grow from me.

It's horror. Just pure horror.

Horrifying life... Unstoppable and disgusting life...

Every monster and disease of the world are also just animals and life forms trying to live the way they are.

Humans didn't invent monsters and demons. God and nature did.

Evolution never cared for morals or suffering. So monsters exist, and now I'm here...

Every time that abomination inside of me is moving, I feel a repulsive and incredibly strong hatred.

If only I could still use any of my powers. Even the one to move an arm, I would scratch my belly till I reach that thing and kill it through exposure to the air.

I wouldn't care about dying or angering my captor. I just feel that repulsive agony against that alien inside of me.

I'm already treading far beyond the open gates of insanity. Unfortunately, they're not the ones opening the power of ambient T.I. to me. These ones have been shut down and locked a long time ago by Ogre. As she cut me from the power to move my arms, she cut off that power as well.

She rearranged my mind, my brain and my body, the way she saw fit. The way that pleased her.

For a moment, I saw black and bluish feathers around me, along with blood.

But at the time, my memory of Ana was too scrambled to understand. I couldn't remember her.

Seeing these feathers didn't trigger any response from my dying palimpsest of a brain.

Ana was somewhere outside, playing a dangerous game with Ogre.

A fight she would never win.

At some point, the tenacious bird might have decided to fly away for good, to get some help elsewhere.

I would never know.

I would never realise.

All I could notice is that over time, the frequency of rapes and torture was diminishing. The frequency and length of her presence close to me was diminishing. I was left for increasing numbers of hours by myself, alone on that ground where I couldn't move.

Meanwhile, the terror and disgust about the life I carried was growing very fast instead. It obsessively replaced all other form of pain in my mind.

I must destroy that life.

Just for my egoism. Just for myself. I hate it too much, it's unbearable. I want it out!

But I had no power over anything, even inside of my own body.

Hell appeared endless, and certainly hopeless.

Until one day, I had one sad opportunity.

~

A stormy day. She was gone.

Something moved because of the weather.

I felt rain and gravel falling onto my head.

I was able by reflex to the pain to shut my eyes and make a face.

My conscious will to move my face or anything else of my body had seen its authority shut down a long time ago.

I couldn't move anything by my own will.

But reflexes still could make my body twitch and react. I was not fully paralysed.

I understood that, and a spark of Rose's will appeared somewhere inside that mud that is me.

Though its only focus was still to bring the death to that thing, that life inside of me.

But I quickly learnt back how to move, bypassing the paralysed nervous system, and using the autonomous one instead, tricking it into moving.

I learnt to cheat how my brain now worked, to be able to move again.

I fell over on my side. I could hardly breathe. I could hardly lift my arms. I would never leave this place alive.

Close to my face were small pebbles and rubbles of various sizes.

That was the only chance I would ever have to change something now.

I painfully crawled to them, and proceed to swallow them, halfway.

Everything got stuck in my throat. I swallowed one more, beginning to suffocate.

I rolled over onto my back, trying to keep my mouth shut as my body was again, working against me.

It tried to expel these foreign bodies. It tried to live, to sustain its life and the other life inside my body.

At that time, life itself had become my enemy. It was an injustice I couldn't tolerate.

I was trying my best to suffocate, to destroy at least the one I would never withstand.

My body was pulsating, trying to escape its fate and my will.

Rose's will was stronger, no matter how sad.

I vomited, and that was my body's last mistake trying to help life at all costs.

The vomit flooded my throat, but without freeing all of the small rocks inside the pipes. Some, but not all.

The next reflex to breathe was met with a flood of acidic liquids, and they began to burn my lungs.

That awful pain wasn't the worst I went through lately, but it was still terribly intense.

I held on. I swallowed more with my lungs. I suffocated, and drowned.

I fought with everything left against my enemy, strangling it with everything left of the real me...

Rose fought as much as she could.

And eventually, I won.

Life was extinguished.

The heart of that monstrous and uncontrolled foreign body stopped for good.

The brain would follow.

And the parasite in my womb would eventually follow.

I died that day.

And though in another time I would have found it sad or terrifying, at that moment, I was relieved.

For I had won.

That unbearable life was about to die.

~