392. Season of night, 4

(Rose)

That life inside of me was slowly weakening.

My own body was already dead.

But that wasn't enough...

I needed to kill that life.

I needed to destroy it. To be sure, and safe.

That hatred was still lingering around what was left of my vanishing mind.

The fact that life itself had become my sworn enemy lingered as well...

As my brain had begun its collapsing cascade, it was as if the locked doors of my thoughts and powers were crumbling down as well.

And in that last moments, I was in a collapsing palace of potentials.

I didn't have much time, for it was crumbling and about to disappear into nothingness, burying everything left inside. Every wish, every thought, every ability was soon to be lost for good.

But for a moment, I could see all the doors to different futures and possibilities crumbling down, opening all their horizons to me, for a brief moment before the end.

I could rush toward one or two, and embrace them. I had a small chance to go through one of these possibilities beyond and fully, before it would be too late for anything else.

I didn't have time to think. True death was near, and hellish thoughts creeping from everywhere.

I was like suddenly waking up in a burning library of books of spells.

I had to use some to make it out alive, and face the consequences of a choice I couldn't think over right now. Instinct would likely prevail, for the best and the worst.

All the doors were open around my mind, and everything was already melting from every side.

I jumped for it.

I went to embrace the few thoughts and ideas still visible in my memories, and I carried them to the closest door open I knew was leading to the other world.

I was attempting to save and push outside as much of myself as I could, before all would be gone.

Unfortunately, the main idea that would survive me and define what I would become in the afterlife, was the one that brought me there in the first place.

That life, must die.

And so the lingering potential energies around me began to restructure around that last thought.

The door locking my humanity safely away from the world of T.I. had disappeared after my last breath.

My mind went beyond, and the energies from the other side came back in...

I went to the other side.

What was left of me did.

And soon, would return.

~

My new mind began repossessing my own body avidly.

Now that T.I was allowed to flow in freely, and carried my last will, interactions changed. Following my will, all the biological and metabolic limitations were suddenly meaningless.

They were old laws for organic life that my new self could not only chose to ignore, but also redefine if I wanted to.

And so I did.

Albeit at the time, in these first moments, the existence I had become was not self-aware yet.

It was only primal instincts articulated around the crystallised thoughts and intents I transferred. There would be a growing intelligence soon enough, but not yet anything alike a human consciousness.

I was becoming a daiûa, a demon mimicking human behaviour but not really human.

And my first and foremost primal instinct, above all others! It was to destroy finally for good that thing that still lied inside of me.

As my flesh became mine again, and even more than before, it was malleable as my will dictated. So was my womb.

Rapidly, my womb turned into a stomach.

The acidity raised inside of it, rapidly. The umbilical cord became avid of extracting the nutrients out of it instead of providing them to the parasite.

I began taking back control, and eating my enemy.

That beast fought back.

It tried to escape. The cord was cut.

But my new stomach was already beginning its last sentence.

It tried to escape through my vagina.

I grew my muscles there, and I grew all the teeth I could make out of cartilages. I chomped it, grinding it down and back inside.

Its head and arm that made it outside got caught between the cartilage teeth and muscles. It would never escape.

The ripped umbilical cord became my new tongue, soon wrapping itself around that thing, pulling it back inside, while my vaginal throat proceeded to swallow it back.

The beast could not escape. I would never allow it.

My remodelled body won.

Soon my belly was constricting it, crushing it inside that stomach, while the tongue licked and absorbed its juices back into nutrients for me.

I was feeling better already, but it didn't last.

It was dead and turned into food for me, rebuilding my broken silhouette.

I possibly grinned for a second.

But my terrified hatred did not vanish. I existed, I was built on that essential idea, now turned into a form of fundamental faith.

Life must die. Life is my enemy.

The thought didn't vanish because none other was able to replace it.

I was a stupid machine, unable to question its directive. There was no philosophy left; I was a demon.

So without any awareness, like any other disease, I began to grow, and to spread that will.

~

My hatred was far from diminishing.

Its prime target was now gone, but the thought remained unchanged and kept going, even if it was gone.

It actually felt even worse, as I couldn't keep any memories of my doings, and there was a frustration of aiming at something that was already gone.

All there was were that suffering and that wrath against the unclear notion of life itself.

I grew, nonetheless.

My roots began absorbing everything they could find.

My eyes and arms began destroying all life they could notice and reach.

There was no will behind, just my obsession now blind, oblivious to what reality and myself had become.

A software, or a primitive life form. Stupid, but powerful and dangerous.

It continued, in that daze for a long while.

Dark feathers and blood were scattered along my path, but they didn't trigger any thought.

The only thing that triggered a different thought, on a later day, was fire.

One day, I felt a vivid burn somewhere along my body.

Fire.

My pseudo awareness focused on it.

And I saw Ogre.

I recognised her. A slumbering part of myself recognised her and most of what she was to me.

That part of me came back to life in a horrifying scream, first of terror, then of pain, and then of dire hatred.

That thing was my new target to obliterate and digest, the world I had to break.

I rushed to it madly.

My whole body was now shapeless, forest looking, with lots of roots, briars and brambles, growing randomly.

There was still a human silhouette somewhere, from my own corpse, but my being was all over that shapeless thing I'd become.

I fought the living demon with all the wrath and weight I could throw at her.

An earthquake ruptured the ground as I jumped physically against it, loud enough to think of a city falling from the sky.

My whole forest looking body regrouped over my enemy with enough violence to swallow an entire square along with it, crushing it down and deep into the ground.

Ogre probably laughed. She probably tried to tell me a few more and other horribly mean things.

It didn't matter. I couldn't hear. And if I could, I wouldn't understand.

She probably rejoiced, that I had finally become like her.

Or maybe cried over her lost child.

I don't know, and I couldn't care less.

All I wanted was to crush her completely and eat her whole.

And I did.

My body was burning, all over, but my wrath was meaner.

My second tongue extended and grabbed her by the neck. Just strangling her was already a nice feeling.

I dragged that beast to my lower mouth now a tunnel filled with gizzards and teeth, made almost just for her.

I grinded her down to mush in my vagina, digesting her liquefied flesh and bones deeper inside of me, until her legs stopped twitching, and were soon ground and swallowed as well.

The pulp floating within my new stomach was rapidly digested.

Soon, that enemy was gone as well, and nothing was left.

Unfortunately, the concepts of revenge and finality had never crossed my mind. They escaped me.

I didn't feel or recalled getting any revenge on anything.

Frustrations remained. The fundamentals remained.

All that existed for that thing I was, were life, and suffering.

Life was my enemy.

The hunger remained.

Nothing had changed...

And my body began to spread again.

An aura of death would soon appear and spread further away from my body. My domain.

Like any disease, unless and until something would rise to stop it, and succeed at it, I would continue spreading...

I had become a new toxic and invasive species.

I was another monster like many others before.

Obsessed. Oblivious. Dangerous.

Trapped in the hell of my own incomplete existence as a failed human. Until something, someday, would come to put me down for good...

~