Puddin'

I really would prefer to make this a serious story. Remember that last chapter? Kind of epic, you know, like a bit of a sports story almost. Unfortunately, I am merely the narrator, not the writer, so...

"I'm so glad we figured out how to make a relationship between a marshmallow and a shell work!" Marshfellow praised himself and his new paramour, Elloss Nell the boss shell. "I know you're all rough, but it's nice to try dating a stereotypically tough woman for once."

"Well, we tough types usually stick with one another, but your soft muscles, especially after that amazing performance, were so tantalizing..." Elloss whispered seductively.

That is enough of that. This is not a romance novel.

Marshfellow told me, "Lighten up, narrator. This is my novel and if I want romance, I'm going to have it."

Without readers. Wait. How are you able to hear m- Nevermind. Not even worth trying to process anymore.

"Well, time to go to the arena and meet my new opponent. I'll see ya later, baby!" Marshfellow stated jubilantly to his girlfriend.

"Come back soon!" Elloss quaintly commented.

Seriously, this is boring. At least add some drama.

Marahfellow shouted, "No! I wanna have a peaceful, happy chapter for once. Go narrate Deon if you want drama."

Maybe I will... Ooh, nevermind. Drama is about to ensue.

"What? What drama? What did you do?" Marshfellow asked angrily.

I just looked ahead a few passages. That is all.

"That is not how you properly read a book," he chastised me as if I did not know that. "If you know that, then read it properly! Stop spoiling things!"

But you guys are boring together!

Marshfellow defended, "That's good for a budding relationship!"

Whatever. This will be fun. Go ahead, marshmallow. Go to the arena. Hahaha...

"I'm going home," Marshf- What?

You cannot do that! What happened to the original script?! Writer! This is not how it is supposed to go!

"Oh, good," Marshfellow spoke, relieved. "Well, as long as everything is different, I guess I'll take my chances."

You awful, story-cheating marshmallow!

"I'm off to the arena; the wonderful arena Foz! Because, because, because, because, because of wonderful collision match-os!" Marshfellow sang in a suspiciously similar tune to a far more popular franchise. "Okay, I'm here. Who's my opponent?"

"He is! Bwahaha!" nearly screamed Gina. "Get 'em, puddin'!"

Marshfellow sighed, then plainly stated, "Stop calling me that, Gina. I already told everybody that the ultimatu-"

"Shuddup, stupid!" Gina actually screamed this time. "Dis is my puddin'!" she claimed pointing towards a pudding pack.

"Goodin' Mack, son! Dat my name, boy! Don' play wit' me 'cause I ain' a toy! What?!" hollered Gooding Mack, the winner of the next collision.

"Hey!" Marshfellow shouted. "Spoiler aler- Hold on. Didja just say I'm gonna lose?"

No, I said Gooding Mack is going to win.

Marshfellow thought for a moment, then said, "I guess somebody else will have to collide with him first. Problem solved."

It would be, but you are already registered! Hahahaha!

"Bwahahaha!" chuckled Gina.

"Ehehehe haw haw!" Gooding laughed.

"Hahahaha!" Marshfell-

What are you laughing about, loser?

Marshfellow admitted, "I just want to fit in."

The rest of us shook our heads collectively.

"See ya lata, fo'ma data! I gotta ril man, now!" Gina reveled in vengeance.

"Ooh, really? Where?" Marshfellow asked mockingly.

Gooding smiled as he stated, " Ya haf a good look wen I send dis lil' crook to cook on a cloud, so hush now, chil'!"

"Wow. You really made me miss Rillo. His rhymes were a little- Nope. You're both terrible. That would be the worst rap battle ever," Marshfellow dissed.

"You jus' jealous!" teased Gina.

Marshfellow replied snappily, " Of a woman I let go of? I'm jealous that I don't have the opportunity to do that again, I guess. Haha!"

"That can be arranged," spoke Gina sweetly.

"Hmm," hummed Marshfellow to himself, but loud enough for handsome characters to hear and narrate, "seems like a trap, but I'm curious how it ends." "Okay," he said loudly enough to be heard by the uglier characters, "let's be together again, Gina."

"Oh, my gosh! Okay!" Gina cheerfully exclaimed as she leapt into his arms. "I love ya so much, puddin'!"

Marshfellow, Gooding Mack, and I just looked at one another, completely confused.

"Uh, I wasn't bein' serious. I was bein'-" slowly said Marshfellow.

Let me guess: you were being a marshmallow.

"No!" Marshfellow cried, missing an opportunity for a typical joke of his. "I was bein' sarcastic! I'm with Elloss, remember?!"

Gina looked at Marshfellow's face, saw that he was being serious (now that she realizes that she needs to pay attention to that), and backed away from him back into the back of the arms of Gooding Back; ahem, Mack. "I was joking, too!" she yelled with her eyes closed and tears pooling to the side.

"I'm... just gonna leave now," Marshfellow announced as he escaped.

Told you it would be dramatic.

"Shut up! You said things changed!" shouted Marshfellow at me while other people were around him.

Somebody said, "Crazy alert..." while passing him by.

"Hey!" Marshfellow commanded. "Say something to these people."

"Mommy, who is dat guy talkin' to?" asked a child.

"Seriously, narrator! This ain't funny!" Marshfellow boomed.

Somebody disheveled walked up to Marshfellow, saying, "You can hear him, too?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess," nervously uttered Marshfellow, fearing his reputation falling again.

"Why does he keep spoiling everything?" queried Miss Ethel Vyric the disheveled psychic. "Well, at least that Marshfellow collider shall attain victory today. I already placed my bet!"

Marshfellow inquired, "How do you figure? The narrator said that the story was changing based on my reaction to it."

"Oh, it appears that you have not reached that part yet. Well, spoiler alert," she solemnly stated.

Marshfellow exasperated, "Finally, somebody who really says them when warranted! Go on."

Ethel elaborated on things that she should not know, darn it, "You and the narrator have yet to have the conversation when he admits that him tricking you into thinking that you could change the story included all of that fake frustration he pretended to have."

"What?!" Marshfellow belted. "Narrator! Get out here and explain yourself."

More passersby looked at the marshmallow belting into thin air.

"Must be some kind of colliding ritual," one of Marshfellow's fans surmised.

I tricked you into thinking you could change the story.

"See?" Ethel asked excitedly. "I told you!"

Marshfellow corrected her, "I heard, not saw."

Ugh, how annoying. Look, the fake frustration earlier was already written in the story. I played along knowing it would work.

"So what is this about me winning?" Marshfellow inquired.

You will not! Haha!

"Well," Ethel started, "spoiler aler-"

Marshfellow thanked, "I appreciate the spoiler alert. With that said, don't mention anymore details, please."

"Okay, then," Ethel whispered disappointedly. "But I should warn you, th-"

He said no spoilers, so be quiet!

"Alright, alright! You do not have to yell!" yelled Ethel at what appeared to be nobody.

The seventh look-at-the-narrator's-face winner commented, "Well, no nar'tor, carazy lady yell'n'; 'bout time I head home."

Wait! I am right here! Gaze upon my handsomeness! Hello? Oh, right. This is a conundrum. If I speak to people, Marshfellow does not look bad anymore; I do; socially, that is, because physically, I am magnificent. But if I do not talk, the sweepstakes contestant and I both miss out. Do I love the contest winner and I more than I hate Marshfellow? Soft decision.

"I can hear all of that," Marshfellow mentioned matter-of-factly.

Just for your eavesdropping, I am staying quiet.

"Yep. I'll haf a refun'. He neva showed," the seventh successful contestant complained as he went back through the portal.

Darn!

"That's whatcha get! Haha!" Marshfellow sneered.

Grrr! Well, at least I do not lose my next collision! Haha!

"You spoiler!" Marshfellow insulted me. "Guess that is the end of my undefeated streak."

At the arena, now in time for the next collision, Marshfellow and Elloss walked inside and did boring couple interactions not worth mentioning. Unless they were with Gairyag.

"Dis moshmello ain' got no flow, son! Dat's why I'm bouta slam 'em inna da flo'! Done!" Gooding Mack claimed.

"That doesn't make sense, but okay, then," Marshfellow harshly critiqued an artist better than he could ever hope to be. "Hey! I could do better than that!"

Whatever. The chapter is long enough.

"Let us get teddy to tumblllle! Colliders, collide!" I announced as the crowd went wild in the stands.

"Ain' no one mo' teddy dan me, boy!" proudly stated Gooding.

"Yep," Marshfellow grinned. "You're the most Teddy Roosevelt!"

"Screw you, son! That guy was rugged, you sugar nugget!" protested Gooding. He then stomped towards Marshfellow; that is just how pudding packs move.

"Geddum, puddin'!" Gina screamed.

Marshfellow responded irately, "Stop calling me that!"

"I wasn' tock'n' ta- Hi, puddin'!" Gina switched demeanor inadvertently when she addressed Marshfellow.

"Gina the cheese puff!" Gooding Mack called. "Is ya ova dis guy o' wut? 'Cause if ya ain't, I gotta- woah!"

Marshfellow slid next to his distracted opponent, then slide tackled him, and then tackled him. Then he tackle slid him, which I guess is a normal shove, toward the cloud.

"Son, brace yo'self! You gon' wan' s'm help!" Gooding thundered as he fell from the sky right towards Marshfellow.

"Love you, Gina!" Marshfellow exclaimed.

Gina shrieked passionately, "I love you, puddin'!"

"Wutda- ohhh!" Gooding Mack angrily, then painfully reacted to Marshfellow's words, then actions.

Marshfellow successfully relaunched Gooding Mack into the atmosphere.

"Boy, ya think I k'n beat a harshmellow? Course I k'n! I'm talla dan 'em if I tripped an' fell, yo'!" Gooding Mack dissed.

The crowd laughed.

I chuckled.

"Bwahahaha!" even Gina cracked up.

"Hahahaha!" Marshfellow snickered.

"Why are ya lau- Unh!" Gooding questioned before being forcefully returned into the air by Marshfellow who was effectively juggling him.

"I just wanted to fit in," Marshfellow mocked facetiously.

"Boy, if you don' quit fool'n' 'round, you ain' eva gon' see da groun'," Gooding warned hypocritically, as his distance from the ground has been increasing for most the collision.

"You talk about children a lot," Marshfellow openly noticed. "Guess you want some. Of course, the problem is... Gina! Let's have kids together!"

"Really?" Gina squealed with anticipation.

"Aauugh!" Gooding Mack grimaced as he was sent back into the air.

Marshfellow planned for another attack, but his opponent did not try to dodge the cloud. The collision was over as Gooding Mack wept over the love that he never lost because he never had it! What a loser! I miss Gairyag...

"Said a hypocrite who never had her! Haha! I won!" Marshfellow cheered for himself while insulting a handsome guy who was already down. "Elloss! Baby, what's happenin'?"

"I am going to have to end things with you," she stated fervently. "You told another woman that you l-"

"That was just to distract my opponent!" Marshfellow defended.

Elloss continued entertainingly, at least to a sadistic Narrator, "You kept obsessing over cinnamon pretz-"

"That was multiple chapters ago!" Marshfellow explained, unfortunately to a sadistic Narrator.

Elloss mentioned, "My friends saw you with that psychic lady in the park. They said that you two were talking to thin air together."

"The narrator was talking in a way most people can't hear him! Don't leave 'cause of that!" he pleaded, finally getting what he deserves.

"Wow. Alright. Well, if nothing else, I am leaving for the lie you told," Elloss spoke plainly.

Haha! I got you this time!

"Narrator, come on!" Marshfellow begged me like the ugly moron he is. "I'm debatin' on a visit to your booth at this point..."

Security! Ah, there we go. Say badbye to your relationship, buster! Hey, I think Buster Ed is finally too far to be heard.

"Badbye, relationship," Marshfellow sadly complied as Elloss walked away from the arena, newly single.

Marshfellow and Gina looked at each other sorrowfully across the aren- Oh, who cares?! Next chapter!