5. Determination

Priestess Victorine is out at the steps of the temple, just like she was when I saw her all those months ago. The sight of her still lifts my mood a bit, but the reminder of what we need to talk about quickly drags it back into the muck.

She looks up from the basket of bread she's holding as I approach.

"Acolyte Lex," she says warmly, "I heard from the High Priestess it's time for your purge." The soft smile I usually look forward to seeing presses against the corners of her lips. "That's very exciting. Congratulations."

"Thanks," I force back and I genuinely wish I could be as happy about it as she is.

"As someone who spends a lot of time around the streets of the capital, the High Priestess entrusted me to advise you. Are you familiar with a pleasure house or club that suits your fancy?"

Hearing the word 'pleasure house' from that sweet mouth has me reeling. It takes me a moment to reply. "Uh, no. I'm not."

"Do you have any preferences?" she asks encouragingly. "There are many establishments around the capital that cater to every identity and inclination. I am sure we can find somewhere suitable for your purge."

I try to mirror Victorine's polite enthusiasm and manage a weak smile. "Uh, yeah. Women, I guess."

She doesn't need to know that Elsie was only the second woman I've ever kissed, and the first woman I've slept with. And while I'm certainly not keen on having more women tell me how bad I am between the sheets, it's not like I've ever felt anything for anyone other than a woman.

"Understood," Victorine nods enthusiastically. "I can inquire around for you. Although, actually…" her eyes light up. "One does come to mind. I've heard that there's a pleasure house called The Sapphic Succubus that caters to women who enjoy the comforts of fellow women. The service is supposed to be very high quality; they take good care of both their courtesans and their clients." Her expression falls slightly. "Although..." She pauses. "It is known to be a very high-end establishment..."

"That's fine," I reply. It's much better if Victorine isn't asking around the streets about brothels or worse, asking fellow acolytes. I don't want anyone to think I'm some kind of sex addict or something—in fact, it's quite the opposite.

No, I'll just go with this one. It sounds doable.

Victorine doesn't seem as convinced by her idea as I do.

"What I mean by that is that it's said to be rather pricey." Her thin brows narrow slightly in concern. "Will that be okay? I know you didn't have much in the way of belongings when you arrived, but I shouldn't assume…"

"How pricey?" I ask.

The meek smile on her face says it all.

She quickly lifts her hands in front of her. "I'll help you pay the fees! We want you to be safe, comfortable, and well cared for. It'll be—"

"Oh, no!" I cut in quickly. I almost want to cry again—why does she have to be so flipping kind!?! Priestesses only get a courtesy stipend; it's not like they need money when the temple provides the necessities. There's no way that Victorine would have the funds to spare. Even if she did, I'd never take advantage of her like that. Besides, I brought some money with me to the temple. I'm not going to need it, so I might as well spend it all during my purge.

"I'm fine," I say with a bow. "Really, I should have enough money. Thank you, though."

Victorine smiles. "At the very least let me send them a note on your behalf. I've heard some establishments offer discounts for those in service to a temple. I can inquire if The Sapphic Succubus has some sort of arrangement."

When she's practically glowing with compassion, it's hard to say no again—especially when I just turned down her overly generous offer of giving me her money. And all to go wild at a brothel, of all things.

Illustria had better watch out, because with a heart like that, Victorine seems ready to ascend to the heavens and become divine at any second.

"Thank you," I say and I mean it. "You're too kind, Victorine."

She presses her palms together with a smile and bows. It almost hurts how good she is.

As I wave goodbye and head back inside the temple, I clench my fists. Talking with Victorine has given me a new burst of determination—I'll do anything for the temple.

Sleep with a bunch of women? Whatever. Bring it on, I can manage it.

It's nothing but a feast before the fast, a complete indulgence of sin and glut to get it all out of your system. And surely, after seven nights of indulgence, I'll be sicker than ever of sex and never think of another woman again.

It'll prove to the temple that I'm ready to live here. And then, and only then, I'll be able to take my vows of celibacy and embrace a glorious holy life here.

I pass through the clouds of incense and make my way to the back corridors in search of the Assistant High Priestess Neryl. I'll need to fill out the form of absence, as I'll need to miss a few days of prayer and service. Depending on what she says, I'll leave tomorrow.

I'll get this over as quickly as possible and be done with it.