A Duel of (Un)Epic Proportions

I had about two seconds to react before Ryuu was already swinging his sword at my face.

"WOAH, WOAH, WOAH—WAIT!" I yelped, ducking just in time to avoid being turned into human sashimi.

The crowd roared. Apparently, nothing entertained demons more than watching their so-called "Great Hero" run for his life.

Battle Strategy: Pure Panic

Ryuu pressed forward, slashing and striking with lightning speed. Meanwhile, my battle technique consisted of the highly advanced tactic known as: "Screaming and Blocking Randomly."

CLANG! Blocked one!

CLANG! Somehow dodged another!

WHOOSH! Oh crap, that was close!

Sweating profusely, I desperately swung my trusty weapon—er, I mean, my esfregão lendário—at Ryuu. He easily dodged and counterattacked, forcing me back.

"You know," he grumbled, "for someone with a legendary title, you're TERRIBLE at this!"

"No kidding!" I shot back. "In case you forgot, I work at a CONVENIENCE STORE, not a battlefield!"

Lilith, watching from the VIP box, looked way too entertained. "You're doing great, darling!" she called.

I glared at her. "I'M NOT YOUR DARLING!"

Unfortunately, that moment of distraction almost cost me my life. Ryuu's blade came dangerously close to my side, and the only reason I survived was because I tripped over my own foot and accidentally dodged it.

The crowd gasped. Someone in the stands shouted:

"OH MY DARK LORD, HIS DODGING STYLE IS GENIUS!"

…Excuse me?

When Luck Becomes Skill

I scrambled to my feet, still trying not to die, but every clumsy movement I made seemed to make me look more like an expert fighter.

I tripped? "SUCH UNPREDICTABLE FOOTWORK!"

I wildly swung my mop to keep balance? "WHAT A FLAWLESS COUNTERATTACK!"

I ducked to avoid Ryuu's punch? "EVEN HIS DEFENSE IS IMMACULATE!"

Ryuu's expression darkened. "Oh, come on! HE'S JUST LUCKY!"

But the audience wasn't having it. "SILENCE, FOOL! YOU SIMPLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND HIS MASTERFUL TECHNIQUE!"

I wanted to scream. WHAT TECHNIQUE?!

Ryuu, now completely fed up, activated his ultimate move. His sword shone with divine energy, his eyes glowed, and a powerful aura surged around him.

"THAT'S IT!" he roared. "NO MORE PLAYING AROUND!"

I swallowed hard. "Uhh… Lilith? A little help?"

Lilith sipped her wine and waved casually. "Don't worry, dear. I believe in you."

I did NOT find that comforting.

The 'Big Brain' Escape Plan

Thinking fast, I did the only thing I could. I played dirty.

Just as Ryuu lunged at me, I threw my mop handle directly at his legs. He stumbled, lost his balance, and—

THUNK.

—he faceplanted into the ground.

Silence.

Then, the audience EXPLODED into cheers.

"THE HERO WINS AGAIN! SUCH BRILLIANCE!"

Even Lilith looked impressed.

Meanwhile, Ryuu just lay there, groaning. "I hate you so much."

And the Winner Is…

I was officially declared the victor. As a "reward," Lilith jumped down into the arena and grabbed my face with both hands.

"You were magnificent," she whispered, leaning in.

Oh no. NO. NO, NO, NO—

I squeezed my eyes shut, bracing myself for impact—

But before anything could happen, Ryuu (still lying on the ground) reached out and yanked my ankle.

THUD.

We both crashed down into the dirt.

The crowd gasped. Lilith blinked in surprise.

And just like that, the match ended with me and Ryuu bickering on the ground while Lilith stood over us, shaking her head.

"…Men are so weird," she muttered.