The Greatest Showman #1299

Daniel didn't expect the conversation to come back around to him. The topic circled back, and while he was momentarily flustered, he quickly regained his composure and nodded. "Yes, I always carry a dagger with me, just in case," he said confidently.

As he spoke, Daniel subtly hid his right hand behind his back, creating the illusion of holding a concealed dagger. The audience burst into laughter.

With a look of mock indignation, Graham grumbled to the crowd, "For the first time, I feel a little unnecessary here." Then, he turned to Ed, "Hey, Ed, how about we step aside for a beer and join the audience?"

Ed, always a beat slower than the rest, straightened up immediately. Before he could respond, the mischievous mole that appeared on his face sent the audience into fits of laughter. It perfectly captured the playful atmosphere of the show.

Without waiting for Ed's response, Graham continued, "Robbie, what song will you be performing today?"

"'Candy'—you already mentioned it at the beginning, remember?" Robbie replied in his straightforward manner, which only made his sharp, no-nonsense speech stand out even more.

Graham chuckled, shaking his head. "Sorry, I think my memory's starting to slow down as I get older. How about you, Robbie? You and the other two over there still look like beardless boys."

Robbie was taken aback, then shrugged innocently, "I don't know what you're talking about," trying to play along. The room erupted with laughter. After a brief moment, Robbie added, "But I have to admit, watching my daughter grow up and start calling me 'Dad'—that's something else."

Graham's eyes widened in understanding. "Yes, yes, that's what it's all about!" he said. Renly and the others couldn't hold back their laughter.

"For music creators," Graham continued, "inspiration often comes from life. I heard you wrote a song for your daughter. Will it be on your next album?"

"Yeah, it'll be on the next one," Robbie nodded. "I just wrote it recently. It's called 'Go-Gentle.'" He paused, his playful demeanor softening. "It's a way of expressing my love for her."

He looked serious for a moment before adding with a grin, "And if you're her boyfriend, you better come to my house so I can pour you some tea... and punch you in the face. The protective dad instinct is real. You wouldn't believe it—when I saw her sweet little face, I was like, 'Get away, you little punks!'"

Robbie shrugged casually, "Now, if I had a son, I'd probably be telling him, 'Stand tall, be strong, you've got this!' And I'd probably write a song for him called 'Grass/He/Mother/Pro.'"

The audience roared with laughter, barely able to contain themselves.

Robbie and Graham exchanged a confused glance. The humor was great, but the audience was in absolute chaos.

They looked over to see the space between Renly and Robbie had noticeably widened, drawing the attention of the crowd. Renly, ever the professional, gave a subtle yet hilarious mime-like action that made the moment even funnier.

Robbie, still puzzled, looked at Renly. Graham, laughing heartily, pointed at Renly. "He knows how to handle the crowd!"

The audience couldn't stop laughing, especially as Graham then segued back to the topic. "So this is your ninth solo studio album, you're happily married now with kids, and life is on track. But tell us, what's the craziest thing a fan has ever done?"

"Herpes," Robbie replied with surprising calmness.

The room erupted in laughter, and even Graham struggled to breathe between his giggles.

Meanwhile, Renly, without a word, stood up, adjusted his suit, and gestured as if to leave. His exit was comedic in itself, drawing even more uncontrollable laughter from the audience.

Robbie quickly stood up as well, jokingly throwing his hands in the air as though Renly's mere presence could be contagious. The exaggerated gestures kept the laughter rolling.

Renly returned to his seat after a polite hug with Robbie, and Graham, ever the professional, quipped, "Master Renly knows it's too late for a second round of infection."

The show's tone was clearly shifting toward bold humor, and as the jokes got more outrageous, the atmosphere became more chaotic. It was unlike anything typically seen on American talk shows.

Robbie, looking mildly exasperated, said, "You're stealing my spotlight." Then, turning serious, he made a playful gesture to keep the focus on him. The crowd couldn't stop laughing.

"And you know what?" Robbie continued, "One day, I'm going to rent a castle."

Graham gave a shrug, clearly unimpressed. "Of course, you'll rent a castle."

Robbie, not missing a beat, added, "I rented a castle for my tour rehearsals. Big room, bed, the works. I wake up, and I swear I feel like someone else is in my room."

The audience leaned in, intrigued.

"At first, I thought it was just the cleaning staff or something. But when I opened my eyes... there she was. A woman standing at the end of my bed. I had no idea how old she was—maybe twenty-eight, maybe eighteen. She had headphones on, plugged into a Walkman."

The absurdity of the situation had the audience in stitches. Robbie explained how it felt odd, and when he realized something was off, it only got stranger.

Renly interrupted, "Robbie, the crowd's waiting for the punchline."

Graham, too, raised his hand. "You took my job, Renly."

But Robbie wasn't done. He continued with the odd encounter, describing the woman's strange comments and the moment he realized things were getting seriously weird.

"She looked at me, then at the panties on the floor, and asked, 'CK's?'"

The room exploded with laughter. Robbie kept going, nonplussed. "Then she said, 'Has your little brother met the morning glory yet?'"

Graham was the first to start clapping and laughing. Robbie, with his characteristic deadpan expression, finished, "It's been a while since I had my morning glory." The audience, fully aware of the innuendo, could barely contain themselves.

In that moment, the line between British and American talk show humor was clear—there was nothing off-limits here.