CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 4 - Shopping Trip

There was no clear indicator of who had won the debate, but since nobody — not a single player — went beyond the gates, Cody felt like the winner. Sure, hundreds of them jetted off to the marketplace to gear up and would likely head into the Everwoods right after, but they didn't walk out there unarmed. That was a minor victory at least, steering them in the direction of a means of self-defense.

Right now, Cody was dealing with the hundreds of players who had crowded around him after the debate ended — his miniature political party, he supposed. Ondori hadn't been afforded the same following, but that wasn't a surprise. He was one of the ones who darted off toward the marketplace, after all.

"I'll take six others with me into the Everwoods," Cody yelled, explaining his plan. "That's seven people total — the maximum number of players that can be in a party. I'm level five right now, but I expect I'll hit level ten after a few days of grinding."

"And you want us to stay here in the meantime?" asked a tall, oafish looking fellow by the username BenchPrez. It was a fitting username, as his avatar was brawny enough to make doorways a recurring challenge in his daily life.

"Yes, I do. But if you're feeling suicidal and decide to leave, at least make sure you're armed and in a full party. Remember the rules. Also, stay off the main road — keep to the small paths near Odes."

"What can we do while we wait?" another player asked.

"Odes is populated by almost half a million NPCs, and a nice chunk of those are quest-givers. Do as many quests as you can. You can still level up without going beyond the gates, but it'll be a hell of a lot safer and a good bit slower. You'll likely have more talons than people grinding in the Everwoods, though, so it's hardly a waste of time."

"You might have told people that earlier," Sax said more than a little cheekily.

"Also," Cody continued, ignoring him, "you could pick up a trade. There's hundreds of non-class skills you can grind — smithing, enchanting, alchemy, you name it. Quests will even tailor themselves to your skills after a while."

"Could've mentioned that as well . . ."

"I do need some of you to hold post at the gates, though. There's still people who didn't hear the news about their headsets, and we don't want them running to their deaths. I'm hoping some of you will volunteer."

Nobody volunteered.

Cody sighed. He figured he should've expected that; the people who were around him were the adventurous type — the ones who left the square and arrived at the gates earlier than everyone else. They were probably hoping for something more exciting than guard duty.

"I'll do it," Arty said, his voice coming out like a chirp.

Wong's meatball face took on the closest thing to a frown that it was physically capable of. "Are you sure, little bro?"

"If Mr. Hales needs volunteers, I'll proudly be one of them."

"Well, I'm not leaving you by yourself, so it looks like he's got two volunteers."

Cody smiled at them. He'd clearly stumbled into the right people on his return to Odes. Had it been Ondori or any of his sort, things might not be going as smoothly as they were now.

Well, not that they were going particularly smoothly.

"Two people. I was sort of hoping for more — a lot more, actually. Like, enough to make a blockade across the gates." Cody shrugged. "Fine. Could some of you tell the people waiting in the square, at least? They need to know, and they're the type who could be talked into watching over the gates."

Now there were volunteers. Just a dozen or so, but it was enough.

"Great. Thanks, guys." Cody nodded a few times. "Okay, this isn't a complete train wreck. Now who wants to — and I really need you to think about this before you answer — join my party and go into the Everwoods?"

And, naturally, everybody raised their hands.

"Yeah, I figured. I mean, why wouldn't risking a brutal death at the hand of forest creatures be preferred to standing guard, after all?"

Cody opened his menu with a flick of his hand and sent out party invites to Sax, Misty, and four random people within his vicinity. They accepted immediately, and their names appeared in the corner of his vision above their health, stamina, and mana bars.

"I'm sending out friend invites as well. I'll hit the friend limit before I can get all of you, but it's not a big deal. It's just to allow us some form of contact until we form a guild. I advise you all to do the same."

"Who gets to join the guild when you form it?" someone asked.

"Well, with a little bit of luck, the party will have enough money to build a hall by the time I hit level ten. Even the smallest hall will increase the guild member limit to two hundred, so a good chunk of you will be able to join it. After that, we'll continue expanding it until all of you can."

"I really feel as though you withheld some crucial information during your speech," Sax said, looking very annoyed.

"Now, does anyone have any questions for me before I head to the marketplace?" Cody asked.

Unsurprisingly, everyone raised their hands again.

Cody sighed. "Okay, just accept my friend invites and PM me your questions. I'll answer them while the party and I are on the move. For now, though, does everyone have a good idea of what they should be doing?"

"Stay in the city, do quests, grind skills," said a short, dwarfish man with a beard that fell to his knees. Gates Online allowed players to modify their builds, but their heights were nonnegotiable. That meant that this man was about three rulers high in the real world — impressive even for a carnie.

"That's it. We'll be back as soon as possible. If you feel tempted to follow us into the Everwoods, just remember the level sixteen monster I mentioned. Players have already died, and we all stand a chance of joining them. Let's stay smart, people."

Cody led his party through the great sea of noisy players and into the NPC-filled depths of Odes, following the route he planned on his map. He kept an even pace with them, making sure he didn't abuse his greater stamina.

"Why does my side hurt?" one of his new comrades asked. His username was SweatyBowls, and he was one of the few to give his avatar a body that could only be called miserably overweight. Most players, even the hellspawn like Wong and Fezzy, were probably a little afraid of putting on pounds, thinking it might make their hitboxes . . . uneconomical for combat.

And yes, it most certainly did. There were no perks to being fat in Gates Online, unless being a bigger target could be called a perk. Which it very well could be, but only in the event that one was undertaking the humbling task of being a meatshield. And in this life-or-death ecosystem, that wasn't exactly a stellar career option.

"I thought we — " Misty took a heavy breath of air " — voted against simulated fatigue and pain on the forums."

Cody nodded. "Yes, but I didn't. And since my vote counts as everyone else's plus one, you get to feel your virtual lungs beg for mercy."

"God, this sucks," said another party member, GregHamster5, his words coming out like a long gasp. Cody was more concerned with the numbers in the guy's username than he was with his discomfort. With there being so few people in the game, most usernames were up for grabs. Numbers weren't really necessary.

"Don't tell me there were four other GregHamsters?"

"No, but I — " he clutched his side like he'd been stabbed " — really like the number five. Can we take a break?"

"Sounds like a great idea," GodmeIk said in an accent that was so thickly Norwegian, one couldn't help but question if it was genuine or if he was simply trying to be offensive.

"Gotta third that idea," said BigEddy, sounding pound-for-pound as Bostonian as Milken sounded Norwegian.

Cody frowned. "You guys signed up for this hero business, you know. People's lives are at stake. The faster we get things organized, the fewer deaths there'll be. We run until your stamina is exhausted, then we rest and do it over again."

The party produced a collective groan which was impressively miserable. Cody almost humored them with a break, but he felt a little discomfort would disillusion them — help them figure out that they weren't living in paradise like they thought they were.

"Anyways, next question," Cody said, opening another private message. He had been answering them aloud to educate his party. "FritterCritter is wondering how big the world is. Well, FritterCritter, this world is roughly eight hundred miles in diameter, and the ones after it are about the same. Except for world four — that world's twice as big. Great question."

He mentally patted himself on the back for adding a speech-to-text option to the chat menus. Unfortunately, the feature didn't come with automatic punctuation, so professionalism had to be thrown out the window. Maybe a contract with Grammarly wouldn't have been such a bad idea after all.

"What's up with world four?" Misty asked. She and Sax were breathing like race horses on the last lap, but they didn't seem too upset about it.

"It's basically just an ocean. I figured — hey, why not give the players the pirate experience they always wanted from a game?"

"There's boats and stuff?" Greg asked.

"Yes, Greg, there's boats and stuff. And I overkilled the fuck out of the sailing system, so expect boatloads — pun intended — of really overwhelming nautical jargon. I'll be surprised if any of you manage to crash a catamaran into a rock, let alone get it out of a quay."

Eddy furrowed his brow. "The hell's a quay?"

"I like boats," said Melk.

"Your ancestors did too, Ragnar," Cody said.

They were forced to come to a halt as their stamina bars hit the ass end of empty. Each one of them collapsed onto the ground as though they'd been shot, gasping for air like a landed fish. After a couple minutes of this pathetic scene, they managed to suck in enough ones and zeros' worth of oxygen to start chatting again.

"You've been rather snippy this last half hour, Cody," Sax said. "Are you upset?"

Cody gave him as deadpan a stare as he could manage. "Thousands of people are potentially going to die, and I feel like I'm the only one taking that fact seriously."

"That's not fair," Misty said. "Sax and I tagged along to help you, and Arty and Wong stayed behind to let the other players know about their headsets. And what about those guys who volunteered to go to the square?"

"Yeah, I know. Sorry, I didn't mean that." Cody ran a hand through his wind-tussled hair. "I just mean — well, I'm worried about what Ondori said getting into everyone's heads. This is a game, not a place to live. You'll all want to go home eventually, I'm sure."

"Very unlikely," Bowls said.

"Not until I see the boats," Melk added.

"Yeah, can't join you there, pal," Eddy said. "But I'm with you when it comes to keeping people safe. Don't want folks dying, you know."

Cody rubbed his forehead. "Well, I guess I can work with that for now. Come on, let's get moving. I know your staminas have all hit max again."

They released a collective groan once again.

It was another twenty minutes of the painful 'run, rest, run again' cycle before they made it to the marketplace. Cody managed to get through another two dozen questions without colliding with any NPCs, but there were still a few hundred more to answer. Flatteringly enough, six of them were not-so-subtle inquiries as to whether he was single or not.

"You are pretty cute," Misty explained. "And rich."

"And soon to be eternally incarcerated for gross negligent homicide," Cody said.

"Some women would find that attractive," she retorted, and even a blind, deaf, and utterly stupid man could tell that she was the some women in that statement.

The sight of the marketplace hit them like a piano tied to a wrecking ball. Cody was desensitized to the majesty of his own creation, so he had to put himself in their shoes. That is, he had to imagine that he was a game-addicted nut allowed to freely roam a medieval shopping mall and purchase just about anything a nerd could ever want or imagine wanting.

It didn't work. He still wanted to go home.

His party scattered away like ants fleeing fire, running into the great labyrinth of stalls and tables and displays. Thankfully, they had the decency not to wander off too far.

"Can we actually eat this stuff?" Sweaty asked, lecherously eyeing a chunk of mutton on a flimsy looking stall.

"Yeah," Cody replied.

"And taste it?"

"Yes, but I swear to virtual God — "

"That'd be you in this case," Misty said.

" — that I'll hammer abs into that fat belly of yours if you waste talons on any food. You don't need to eat in Gates Online, especially not when your wallet's emptier than a porn star's nut."

"The books actually have words in them," Sax said, thumbing through a merchant's well-stocked book cart.

"Of course they do." Cody tried not to sound offended. "I literally created a universe. Did you think I'd crap out when it came to bound pieces of paper? An artificial intelligence did write them, though, so they're probably not that great."

"Why's the jewelry so cheap?" Misty asked. She stood at stall, eagerly perusing a collection of gaudy necklaces.

"Because it isn't even enchanted. Misty. Hey, Mist." He snapped his finger next to her ear, waking her from her blissful trance. "Don't waste your talons. Dying pretty is still dying."

She deflated, and Cody actually felt a little bad. Then he noticed the tacky dolphin-shaped earrings she was wearing and he felt a little less bad.

"My god — how much did those cost?"

"Just ten talons." If a puppy that had just urinated on the heirloom rug could speak, it would sound exactly like she did.

"Okay, no. No, no, no. Everyone come here. Put the fucking bird down, Greg, you don't even have a house to keep it in."

The party reluctantly assembled around him, looking intensely displeased at having been dragged from their shopping. Sax held a hardback book in his hand titled Underworld, and his lack of eye contact revealed that he had purchased it. Similarly, Sweaty was anxiously munching on a turkey leg, doing his best to pretend that Cody had turned invisible.

"What a sad sight you lot are. At least I know you're true Americans now."

"I'm Norwegian," Melk corrected him.

"That toy boat you're holding tells me otherwise," Cody said, pointing to the tiny, wooden galleon in Melk's hand. "Consumerism is a virus, people. We came here to buy sharp, pointy things, not to roleplay as knickknack collectors. Where's Eddy? Why is Eddy not in our group huddle?"

Cody zoomed in on his map and saw that Eddy had gone into a shop. The stalls were where most of the cheap, knockoff stuff was sold in the marketplace, but for higher-level players who had more cheddar, the shops inside of actual buildings were the places to go.

"Come on, guys, he's in here. Don't run off again."

A sign hung above the open doors of the shop, reading Home of Steel in handsome, calligraphic letters that had a painted sword running through them. It was a weapons shop, obviously, and one that Cody had designed himself, down to the last pleasantly creaky floorboard. At least their stray party member had good taste.

The interior was roomy and as stocked as a shop could be, boasting dozens of tall racks and tables and shelves all lined with weapons. There were maces, swords, spears, clubs, daggers, flails, axes, lances, hooks, hammers, javelins — really, just about anything that was metal and dangerous. Hell, there were even ninja stars, which he had only added to the game as a joke.

"Hey, gang," Eddy hollered at them, grinning and holding up a ninja star. "Come check this out!"

Cody hadn't programmed aging into the game, but he was certain he'd have a few more gray hairs before the day was over with. On the plus side, he'd also have some experience in dog watching. Something else to put on the resume.

"Oh, sweet," Sweaty said. "They've got nunchucks!" He proceeded to perform a very clumsy trick with the aforementioned weapon, using only his right hand as his left was still firmly gripping a turkey leg.

"It's pronounced nunchaku," Sax corrected him.

"It's pronounced we can't afford any of this stuff," Cody said. "Plus, everything in here is for level eights and higher. Come on — we're going back outside to buy some weapons you guys can actually use."

His sulky party followed him outside, and he led them to a small collection of weapon stands on the edge of the marketplace. Their rundown appearance was a subtle way to let new players know: this is where you buy your stuff, scrubs.

The stands had a good number of weapons to choose from, but not nearly as many as the Home of Steel had. It was just enough variety to offer players of every basic class the sort of weapon that stereotypically fit them — staves and wands for mages and healers, swords and shields for warriors, bows for rangers, daggers for rogues. The only question was: what did his party members want to be?

"Alright, folks, it's time for a debriefing. We're going to talk about classes and levels and all that fun, recycled RPG stuff. This'll catapult you a few light years ahead of Ondori and his crew of dipshit instant gratification monkeys, so listen up, alright?"

Finally, they seemed to be taking things seriously.

"There's five basic classes in Gates Online: mage, warrior, rogue, healer, and ranger. Yeah, real original, I know. You chose one of those at level two, then when you hit level twenty, you get to pick from five complex classes. Really, it's more like multi-classing — if you're a mage, you can double down and become a warlock, or you could dip into a warrior build and take the spellsword route. With me so far?"

His pupils nodded, thankfully still paying attention to him. He had been half afraid that some shiny bauble would steal their attention away.

"There's unique classes too, but only a few dozen players will end up with those. They're dished out by the same AI that generates quests — the Writer, I call him. He monitors and rewards certain player activity through some pretty advanced algorithms, and if someone catches his metaphorical eye, he tosses them a metaphorical bone. Not too far off from roleplay rewards in Dungeons and Dragons."

"What are some of the unique classes?" Melk asked, still holding onto his toy boat.

Cody smirked. "I think I'll keep a lid on that information for now. They're pretty powerful trump cards, so I'd rather they land in the right hands."

"Very wise," Sax said. His face was scrunched in thought, as though he were trying to figure out a puzzle.

"More like very annoying," Sweaty mumbled.

"Moving along — level-ups. Each one of them will earn you attribute points and class points. You've got six attributes: might, agility, intellect, vigor, breath, and spirit. The menu will explain what they do, so I'll just say this: careful where you put them. You don't get to reallocate any of them, so if you choose to be a mage, you should probably think hard before sinking a point into might, even if it's to equip a rare item."

"Items have attribute requirements?" Misty asked, idly fingering her dolphin earrings.

"Yes, almost all of them except the vanity and level-one items. They have level requirements too, obviously."

"Which class has the best DPS?" Sweaty asked.

"Mage and rogue for basic classes, though I'd urge you not to choose the latter. I'm sure it could be used for some clever strategies, but here's the deal: with PvP off the menu and defeating the gatekeepers as our main goal, it just wouldn't be as useful as a mage. Maybe you could pull off multi-classing with them, but even then . . ."

"I presume that warriors will be placed at the front lines in combat?" Sax asked.

"Naturally," Cody said. "They've got the most health, and they can wear the best armor. That'll be the class I choose when I get around to opening my character menu. Lead by example, right?"

"I'll be a warrior too," Melk claimed, standing a little taller.

"Yeah, me as well," Sweaty said.

Cody might've been moved by their heroic sentiments, but they still had a few layers of rose-colored cellophane wrapped tightly around their heads. For them, battle was a romantic notion — just a fun aspect of their new favorite video game. They were afflicted with the same sort of ignorance that enlistees of the first World War were. It wasn't their fault, though. Cody felt he was beginning to understand how they thought, though he was still leagues away from relating to them. After they fought their first real monster, they'd probably take up a different tune.

For now, though volunteers for the front lines were good news. It was a sure bet that they'd get scarcer as time went on.

"Thanks, guys. I bought a sword, but you can get whatever you'd like. I'd keep away from the weirder melee weapons, though — stuff you'd probably have to practice for years to be any good at using."

"What I'm hearing is: no nunchakus," Sweaty said.

"Well, those were meant to be a gag item, honestly; I can't imagine them being very useful. So no, no nunchakus."

"I would like to be a mage," Sax began, "but I feel that staves and wands are rather hackneyed. Is there, perhaps, an alternative?"

"For a level one? Orbs, I guess. There's bound to be a few of them lying around here, but I'd recommend settling with a cliché for the time being. No point in shopping for weapons you'll outgrow within the next few hours."

"Yes, of course. How silly of me." His headset betrayed his embarrassment, turning his face a touch pinker.

"I call ranger," Eddy yelled. He yanked a longbow and quiver from one of the stands. "There ain't a class cooler than ranger, sports fans."

"I'll be a mage. Pretty sure mages are infinitely cooler than rangers . . ." Greg said, taking a gnarled looking staff into his hand ". . . sports fans."

"And I want to be the healer." Misty smiled wide enough to show off all of her teeth.

"No surprise there," Sweaty said.

The smile dropped from her face. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, I mean, you're a girl. Not trying to be sexist or anything — it's just that, in my experience, females tend to enjoy being healers in video games."

"You've had experience with women?"

"Hey, that's way below the belt!"

"Right," Eddy cut in. "We got three human shields — warriors, I mean, sorry — two wizards, a ranger, and a healer. Sounds good to me. Whad'ya think, boss?"

"Yeah, that'll work," Cody said with a nod. "I recommend buying stuff from the merchants' shop menus rather than taking it from their stands, by the way. Not everything they sell is on display, so you might cheat yourself out of a better purchase on accident. Misty, get a light weapon as well as a healing wand. And Melk, you have an inventory — no need to keep carrying around the boat."

The boat disappeared from Melk's hand a few seconds later, no doubt entering one of the dozens of boxes that composed his inventory. Cody wagered the guy would keep it in there until they defeated the final boss. He seemed awfully fond of boats.

It only took a minute for the party to buy their weapons from the shopkeeper and equip them. They seemed happier than sharks in chummed water, observing their new equipment like it was ultra-rare, end-game gear rather than a bunch of cheap, level-one garbage.

Cody firmly believed that something was wrong with these people.

"How do I cast spells?" Sax asked, thrusting his staff forward a few times. Misty was trying the same thing with her little wand, but to no avail. It was rather endearing to watch.

"You don't. Not until you learn some, at least. What you're doing right there would activate the staff's primary attack if you were outside of a safe zone, though. Same thing for you, Misty, but you'll need to make physical contact with someone for yours to work. Just press it against them."

"How about armor? If I'm going to be a tank, I'd like to cover my nuts at least," Sweaty said, grabbing his groin and giving it a solid shake.

"Classy," Misty muttered.

"You won't find any armor you can wear until you hit level two."

Sax stopped playing with his staff. "What about the cowl you had on when you first met Misty and I?"

"It qualifies as clothing, not armor. Don't waste your talons on clothes, though --- not until we build a guild hall, at least." Cody flicked open his menu and eyed the clock. "Sunset's in a few hours. I'd like to get some grinding done before nightfall, so we should hurry. Let me upgrade my gear, and we'll head for the Everwoods."

He spun around and scanned the perpetually crowded marketplace for another weapons dealer. Gear fit for a level five wouldn't be in a shop, but it would be displayed at a nicer stand than the one his party had shopped at --- one without flimsy legs and a tattered canopy, that is.

It wasn't long before he found the sort of stand he was after, tucked away inside of the commercial jungle next to a dozen others. Its main table had weapons neatly laid out across its sheeted surface --- well-crafted blades that put his own battered sword to shame. A few mannequins stood at attention beside it, wearing plain, practical suits of armor.

"Show me your items," he commanded the turbaned salesman.

After selling off the crafting items he'd gotten from the tuskbear and elderspawn, his wallet fattened up to a solid one thousand and thirty-eight talons. That proved to be just enough to afford some basic armor and replacements for his sword and shield.

+ 1 [Kettle Helmet] - common headgear, LVL 5

+ 1 [Steel Sword] - common medium weapon, LVL 5

+ 1 [Steel Shield] - common shield, LVL 5

+ 1 [Mail Shirt] - common chest armor, LVL 5

Each of the items had their own attribute requirements, so he fulfilled those and vowed to invest the rest of his points --- including his class points --- on the trip to the Everwoods.

After equipping his new gear, he felt like a million dollars. That is, until his party started making fun of him.

"Is that a kettle helmet?" Sweaty asked, holding his big gut as he laughed.

"Yeah, so what?"

"You look like a counselor at a medieval fat camp," Greg said.

"Where the hell are your leggings and boots?" Ed asked. "I mean, even a pair of gauntlets would be nice. You don't look finished."

Cody looked down. He had to admit: his shit-brown, default peasant hose and little elf shoes sort of clashed with his chainmail, but he didn't look that (it) bad. Maybe a little silly, sure, but since locational damage was a thing, it made sense to armor your vitals first.

Clearly dressing smartly was an unappreciated fashion.

"I didn't have enough talons for anything else." He hated how defensive he sounded.

"We should mend this situation as soon as possible," Sax said. The smile on his face said that even he was getting a kick out of Cody's new getup. "It wouldn't do for the people to see you dressed like this."

Cody frowned at them. "Yeah, well, I'm the only one in the game with armor, so suck it."

"Wouldn't be hard --- you've got no armor in the way of your junk," Misty said, inspiring a chorus of laughter from the party.

"Let's just go grind."