CHAPTER 13: TACIT

He wrote, "Do you remember the first time we met? It was back in middle school, at the playground near your house, where I saw you playing. I couldn't take my eyes off you. You were so carefree, laughing and running with the other kids, and it was like you represented everything innocent and pure in the world."

"Every day," he wrote, "We used to play together at the playground, throwing a ball back and forth, racing on the little track, laughing and running until the sun set. I don't know if you even noticed me back then, as we were both just kids, but for me, those moments were etched in my memory forever."

"Those were the happiest moments of my childhood," he continued. "To me, you were the bright sun, lighting up my world and making even the simplest games feel like an adventure. I always looked forward to seeing you at the playground, to the sound of your laughter and the way your eyes sparkled when you won a race."

"As time went on," he wrote, "I found myself growing more attached to you. I realized that I didn't just enjoy playing with you, I also cared about you, wanted to protect you and make you laugh. But I was just a shy, awkward kid, and I didn't know how to express my feelings. So I kept silent, watching you from afar, hoping that maybe one day, you would notice me too."

Eunha was pulled back to reality as a memory of a photo came floating into her mind. She realized she had a picture taken at the playground. She quickly rummaged through her desk drawer, pulling out a small album filled with old photographs. As she flipped through the pages, her heart raced, hoping that the photo she was remembering was indeed there.

After several moments of searching, she found what she was looking for. Her fingers lightly traced over the photograph, the edges slightly faded with time. The sun shone brightly in the picture, illuminating the carefree smiles of several kids playing in the playground. In the midst of them all, Eunha could spot her younger self, and there he was standing not too far away – Sunghoon.

A flood of emotions welled up within her as she studied the image. The photo captured a moment from their shared past, a time when they were just children carefree and oblivious to the complexities of life. It held a bittersweet charm, a reminder of the innocence they had lost in the years that have passed since that day.

Eunha sat back, holding the photo in her hand, her eyes still glued to the image of the kids playing in the sunlit playground. She felt a pang of nostalgia, as if the photo had transported her back to that blissful time. But there was also a tinge of melancholy, knowing that those carefree days were long gone, replaced by the complexities of adulthood and the secrets that life had in store for them.

He wrote, "One day, you stopped coming to the playground. At first, I thought it was just a coincidence, but days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. I missed you more than I thought possible, missed your laughter echoing across the playground. I wondered why you had stopped coming, if something had happened of if you just didnt want to play with us anymore."

As Eunha read the words, a wave of memories washed over her. She vividly remembered the day her father had broken the news of her unexpected engagement to Jake. The weight of that moment came crashing back to her, the shock and dismay at being thrust into a future without her consent. The joy of childhood had been snatched away in an instant, replaced by the harsh reality of an arranged future.

She had felt the walls closing in around her, the world becoming a place of expectations and duty she had never desired. The playground, the laughter, and the carefree moments seemed like a distant dream, replaced by the cold, calculating world of adults. The memory of that day triggered a mixture of pain and defiance, a reminder of the life she had lost and the one she didn't want.

"When you transferred to our school," he wrote, "My heart leaped. I was so excited at the thought of being able to see you every day, but my happiness quickly turned to confusion. You didn't seem to recognize me, even though we had played together at the playground as kids. I tried to catch your eye, to make you remember me, but you seemed distant and preoccupied."

He continued, "I wondered what had happened to change you so much. The energetic, carefree girl I remembered had grown into a reserved, almost detached young woman. I wanted to talk to you, to remind you of our shared past, but you kept your distance, as if lost in your own world. It was like the girl I knew had disappeared, and in her place was a stranger I didn't know how to reach."

"Seeing you every day in class was a bittersweet reminder," he wrote, "Of the carefree time we shared in the playground. I longed to hear your laughter, to see your smile, but instead, I was faced with a girl who seemed detached from everything around her. It was like standing in front of a beautiful painting behind a glass wall - I could see it, admire it, but couldn't touch it, couldn't make it mine."

"Then my health took a turn for the worse," he wrote. "I couldn't attend school for a while, and my studies suffered. The teachers decided to transfer me to Class B, hoping it would help me catch up. I was devastated, not because of the change of classes, but because it meant I would be even further away from you."

"My heart sank at the thought of being removed from your class," he continued, "I wouldn't get to see you, to be close to you, every day. It felt like the walls between us were growing higher, and the distance between us increasing. I wished I could go back in time, to the carefree days of the playground, where we could laugh and play without a care in the world."

He wrote, "Recently, we had a great hang out together, and it brought back memories. It was like a glimpse of the old times. Seeing you laugh and smile made my heart flutter. It was a moment of joy in a sea of uncertainty. Maybe, just maybe, there's still a chance for me? Maybe you can remember the time we had together, and we can start over."

"After you left," he wrote, "I made my way home, but on the way, I encountered a guy named Jake. I was in a daze, my mind still reeling from the hang out we had, when suddenly, Jake appeared out of nowhere. He grabbed me by the collar, his face twisted with anger."

"I was taken aback, my mind still on you and the good times we had just shared," he wrote, "I didn't understand why Jake was suddenly so hostile towards me. He demanded to know if I knew you, asked why I was hanging out with you. His grip on my collar tightened, his eyes filled with a possessive rage."

He wrote, "Jake, with a grip on my collar, told me to stay away from you. He told me that you were his fiancé, and that I had no right to be around you. His words struck me like a lightning bolt, leaving me stunned and confused."

He continued, "I could only look at him, my mind reeling from his words. Why was he so possessive of you? Why didn't you tell me you were engaged? I felt lost, my heart sinking as I realized the complexities of the situation. The night air felt cold, and I could only stand there, feeling powerless against Jake's demands."

"In the midst of our confrontation," he wrote, "Jake and I exchanged some blows. It wasn't something I expected or wanted, but the anger and frustration boiled over. I was left bruised and wounded, and as a result, I stayed away from school for a week to recover."

He continued, "I also wanted to apologize again for not coming to school these past weeks. It wasn't my intention to make you worry or think that I had given up. I was just dealing with the aftermath of that confrontation, both physically and mentally."

He continued, "I don't like the way Jake treats you. It's like he owns you, like you're his property. But I want you to know, it's not too late. You don't have to be stuck in a relationship that makes you unhappy. You deserve better, Eunha."

"I know your family is incredibly wealthy," he wrote, "and maybe Jake is only with you because of business or money. But I'm ready to make mistakes, to commit to something real. I want to show you that there's more to life than money and obligations. I want to build something real with you, even if it means facing obstacles and making mistakes along the way."

He wrote, "I may not be from a family as rich as yours, but that doesn't matter to me. I don't care about the differences in our families. If you have any feelings for me, let's run away from this hectic life. Let's go somewhere where we can find happiness together, just the two of us. But first, I need to know if you have feelings for me, too."

As Eunha read those words, a wave of emotions washed over her. Her eyes welled up with tears, his sincere words touching her heart deeply. She felt a mixture of sadness, hope, and a longing for something more. The idea of running away was both terrifying and enticing to her, a chance to escape the burdensome life she was living. The thought of being with him, leaving everything behind, stirred something within her soul.

She clenched her fists, the letter crumpling slightly in her hand. The tears kept falling, staining the paper, as she realized the weight of his words and the magnitude of her own feelings. The battle inside her mind intensified – the fear of the unknown versus the desire for true happiness.

She muttered softly to herself, her voice barely audible, "If only he was here right now..." As those words slipped from her lips, a surge of emotions washed over her. She felt a deep longing for his presence, for his reassurance and comfort. She wished he was there by her side at that moment, to share this overwhelming mix of feelings with.

"If you don't feel anything for me," he wrote, "then it's okay. Forget about these letters, and after graduation, I won't show my face to you again. You won't have to worry about me anymore."

He continued, "For now, we can just be friends, right? We can act like none of this ever happened, like the confessions and promises never existed. Just two friends, hanging out together..."

"...but deep inside, my heart won't forget. It will continue to beat for you, hoping for something more. The thought of being just friends is painful, but if that's what you're comfortable with, I'll try my best to accept it."

He wrote, "This was all I wanted to tell you, Eunha. I hope you got these letters. They are my way of expressing my feelings, my hopes, and my fears. I want you to know how I feel, and I hope it makes some sense to you."

He wrote, "Don't worry, I'll say it all in words tomorrow too. I'll be there in person, ready to talk and share everything I've been holding inside."

"Just be there," he continued, "and give me a chance to explain it all. I can't put into words how important it is for me to talk to you face to face. I need you to hear me out, to understand what's been going on in my heart."

He wrote, "Bye for now, Eunha. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll be waiting for you."

After reading those words, Eunha finally broke down. All the emotions she had been holding in poured out uncontrollably. She sobbed softly, the tears streaming down her face as she clutched the letter tightly.

She muttered softly to herself, her voice filled with raw emotion, "It's been five years, and I still miss you, Sunghoon." The words hung in the air, carrying the weight of five years of longing and regret.

"Every day feels so long without you," she whispered, her voice tinged with both pain and nostalgia. "I never stopped thinking about you, not for a single moment."

She held the letter tighter, her tears staining the words on the paper. "I wish you were here," she whispered, her voice trembling. "I wish I could see you, talk to you, feel your presence."

She clutched the letter tightly, her tears falling softly on the paper. "If only you were alive," she whispered, her voice tinged with both grief and hope. "Everything would be different. We could've had a chance, a future together."

"I regret so many things," she muttered, her voice quivering. "I should have told you how I felt sooner, but I was too afraid. I should have spent more time with you, cherished every moment we had. But now, it's too late..."

She couldn't help but cry, the pain and remorse overwhelming her. "I miss your smile, your laugh, the way you listened to me without judgment. I miss everything about you."

Only if you were alive

— Anh Eunha