Dear past self, you fucking idiot

"So you are only failing macroeconomics?" I asked, perusing his text books.

"You don't have to rub it in, I know I am horrible at economics," he says.

"No, am asking if you are failing other units or it's just macroeconomics?" i rephrase.

"Yeah I'm failing at everything," he says, picking at his nails.

"What about the previous units?"

"Barely passed them," 

I raise an eyebrow.

"Fine,I cheated," he confessed.

"Why am I not surprised, " I mutter to myself.

Is it because he doesn't study or because he doesn't understand?

I am tempted to ask but I refrain.

"Is this a regular exam or?"

"No I failed my midterms last week, the lecturer is giving me a make up cause coach asked,"

"What was the midterm about?"

" I don't know, maybe to test us,"

"You are joking right?" I turn to face him.

"Yeah, just joking," he says, chuckling nervously.

God help me, I don't murder this one.

"Let's start with the basics," I pull his notepad closer so I can write on it to keep a track on my thoughts.

"Macroeconomics focuses on the performance of economics - changes in economic output, inflation, interest and foreign exchange rates and the balance of payments," I read the textbook out loud.

"Basically Macroeconomics is the study of external factors that affect the economy, like inflation or unemployment, while micro deals with internal factors," I say jotting it down.

"It has seven school of thoughts and there are there types of economics and recently you were working on macro statics -"

"What are you doing?" I ask him annoyed.

"Drumming,"

"Why?"

"I..uhh.. it helps me focus?"

"What did I say finance is?"

"Fiance is.. uuuuhh…the economy..ummm ..plays a role -"

"I haven't even talked about finance," I am pissed.

"Exactly, I was about to say that," he laughs.

I glare at him.

"I don't need a fag telling me how to date a girl," Luca shouts coming down the stairs, Mark follows him and Amelia trails after them holding onto Marks hand.

"Well from previous experiences I know how to date a girl better than you," Mark says, holding Luca's shoulder.

"Don't fucking touch me," he pushes his hand away.

We move from the kitchen to the living room, Amelia rounds the raging twins and joins us.

"Amelia is not some fucking toy you can play with when you want and discard her when you feel that you no longer want her. She deserves some respect," Mark shouts.

"Don't tell me what and what not to do. It's our arrangement," Luca yells back.

"You and her arranged to fuck her cousin in her room will recording? That's bull crap.She deserves better, better than you," Mark's voice is low, almost a whisper.

"Fuck you!" Luca punches him, hard sending him to the floor.

Amelia races to Mark on the floor whose nose is already bleeding.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, thats your brother?" Caleb asks his best friend.

 Right then the door opens and in walks another gorgeous creature, Harry Davis the male hockey team captain. 

I swear hot men were born just for sports and to torture their opposite gender.

He stands by the door taking in what's going on. And the rest happens so fast I feared that if I blinked I would miss it all.

Harry drops his backpack and goes for an uppercut to Luca who seemed to have been expecting it as he delivers a blow to Harry's sides. As all are hockey players they are built and can stand their own and they prove it as they continue punching each other while Caleb tries to stop them earning some swings to his beautiful face.

"Stop it!" Amelia shouts, earning everyone's attention.

We all stare at her for a while before Harry rolls off Luca and Luca storms out of the house while Harry goes to check on Mark.

"I will check on him," Caleb says to no one in particular before leaving.

I want to yell for him to stop, we still have a lot to cover but I know he wouldn't stop let alone come back.

"Are you okay babe?" I hear Harry say.

He's gay? Well that explains why he has never been seen with a woman.

What? Jill has been catching me up on hockey news.

Amelia runs back upstairs probably to continue crying and it feels awkward to continue standing there, so I pick up my things and Caleb's books and leave for FSCH.

 *****

To: griffincaleb@gmail.com 

From: Skylarlodge@gmail.com 

Subject: Therapy.

Yes, I think so too. But doing that is going to not only ruin his career that he worked so hard for but his life too and I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing I destroyed someone else's life out there.

 *****

"I can't believe we have been within distance of each other and never even noticed," I sigh, finishing my drink.

"You have no idea how many times I have wanted to walk up to you and introduce myself, but I was afraid you would laugh me away," we pay our bills ready to leave.

"I would never have done that. Probably would have been incredulous about what you are saying but I would want to know why you think so," I sway trying to find my footing.

"You think it's okay leaving while you are drunk like that?" Greg asks.

"We are daughters of Frederick, trust me we can take care of ourselves," Alishya tells her boyfriend and we laugh as we leave the bar.

"Oh my god! Since you know the truth, that means we can hangout and know each other," Alishya stops me, her face brightening up like she just discovered the cure of cancer.

"Hell yeah!! We can even be like real sisters," I add.

We giggle like eight year old girls who happen to have been kissed on the cheek by their crush.

"Now there will be no reason for you not to come to our family dinner every Sunday at dad's restaurant," she adds excitedly.

"Restaurant?" 

"Yeah dad's a chef and owns a restaurant. I will text you the name and the time we always meet," she says.

"But I think we should also meet up before, so we like get to know each other more," I say slowly.

"Is tomorrow okay?" 

I nod at that.

"I should get home before dad gets back or he's gonna be all up in my case," she pulls out her phone.

"My friends won't believe that we were actually together, so a picture?" She adds.

The camera shows two almost alike girls, staring at the phone, eyes glazed over, smiles huge, heads almost touching.

"Bye, see you tomorrow, I will send you the picture," she has already skipped away before I can point out that we don't have each other's numbers.

I barely made it five steps before the continuous ping sound from my phone stopped me. Pulling the phone out, it's a text message.

My first thought is that it's Erik, but I cancel that thought with the rate at which my phone chimes with new messages. He is a slow typer.

Hey, it's Alishya.

Dad gave me your number. Been dying to text you.

I knew I would love you the second I met you.

Yes I love you.

Sorry, I know I am blowing up your phone but there is so much I want to talk to you about.

I will stop now before you block me:) 

She sends the picture of us. 

We look awesome. Should totally take more pictures to fill up the house. The Ones we got, we are always separate.

The messages stop. I don't reply to any of them. Not because I don't want to but because anything I can reply will definitely hurt me and I really don't want to be crying in the middle of the road but I change my wallpaper to the two of us.

9:30. My clock reads. The hospital is still open and I know for a fact that I will find doctor Harper there and that is where I go. I want answers.

Boarding a taxi I got to the hospital twenty minutes later with ten minutes to spare before he was off the clock.

I race past reception, taking the stairs to the second floor since I might get caught waiting for the elevator.

I find Maggie,Dr. Harper's assistant, busy on the computer. Going on my knees I crawl past her desk only for her to see me when I near the doctor's door.

"Hey stop! The doctor is busy,"

I get off the floor and bust into his office before she can catch me.

"Is something wrong?" Dr. Harper asks, shocked at the sudden intrusion.

"I'm sorry doctor. C'mon let's go," the assistant grabs my arm trying to pull me out.

"It's okay, Maggie. You can excuse us,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Actually you can leave. I will lock up when am done here,"

She eyes me before leaving.

"Come have a seat Skylar," He points at the chairs.

"No, I don't want to sit," I still had adrenaline coursing through my system.

"How can I help you?"

"Are you a real doctor?" 

"Yes, Skylar, I am a real doctor," he narrates to me the journey of his career and education with that calm voice of his that I appreciated before but not now.

"Did those schools teach you to give your patients the wrong diagnosis?"

At this he stands and rounds the table to where I am.

"I am sorry Skylar but I never gave you any wrong diagnosis,"

"Then what do you call leading a patient to believe she has a deadly disease?"

"I never at any point hinted that you could be sick,"

"But you never told me the truth either,"

"I so very much wanted to tell you but I let the appointments continue for the sake of my sister," he looks devastated.

"Lilian is your sister?" I asked. Never in my life would I have that my doctor was my mother's brother and my uncle.

"No, she is not. Am talking about - you don't know?"

"Know what?" I am confused now.

"Have you spoken to your father?"

"I found out today, not really ready to talk to him,"

"Well you should. And I am really sorry and I will understand if you have my license cancelled.

******

I wake up to the ringing of my phone. It's so loud, I feel about my bed for the phone and turn it off.

My head hurts and everything is so bright and noisy.

Lifting my phone I checked on who was calling and the messages left.

Ten missed calls from Erik, two from my mother, three from my dad and two from Alishya and a few texts. I ignore the rest and check Aliysha's.

Let's meet at 3pm at dad's restaurant.

He won't be around. Not sure if you want to talk to him yet.

Skysha restaurant is the name.

Skysha? My biological father owns my favorite restaurant in town!