Stealing a manual for emotions

After I told her my wish, Felix didn't hesitate a second.

"Then ya gotta break into ma home."

"Huh?"

I thought I misheard her.

"Ya didn't misheard me, bud."

I didn't mishear her.

"After all, Ya need ma book. And it ain't on my ghost, so it gotta be with my corpse. But they ain't gon burry a book, will they now? So it gotta be at home, easy as that."

"So... Why do we need your book?"

"Stupid, huh? Cuz everythin portant stands in there, obviously."

"Ah. I see."

Her Reasoning checked out. I couldn't argue with her. Not that I wanted to argue. The only thing I wanted at the moment was to actually get that book and learn more about those things. More about that laughter. So I stood up.

"Let's go then. You have to guide me to your house though."

I grabbed the deep blue coat that belonged to me, took the black beanie that also belonged to me and slipped right into my shoes. It's not like I actively tried to not make any sounds. I just dressed myself in the same normal and bland way I always did. During all of that time, Felix was floating right next to me. She observed me indifferently. Maybe she wanted to say something. But she didn't. So what do I care?

With my key in the pocket I left the apartment. Our apartment was located on the second floor of a big apartment building. It's nothing to special. The point I want to get at is the following; When I opened the door, I could look straight at the sky. And at that moment I realized how late it had already gotten.

The blackness of the night sky shone down on me, together with the moon towering above. I really took a long time just lying in bed after school it seems.

But I don't remember most of it. Everything only really started to work again as soon as Felix appeared. So I was glad. I wanted to thank Felix for bringing me out of that thought crisis, but she probably wouldn't have understood what I wanted to tell her anyway. It's not like I myself really understand either.

So, I walked to the elevator located nearby. Felix levitated next to me. I had that neutral expression on myself. Her lips were graced with the small smile which proved her feelings.

I yearned for it as well.

When we left the elevator, I went straight on, straight out onto the street. And out there was nothing really. The streets were empty. In the distance, a car could be heard. But it was distant. Too distant. It wasn't important. So we just got straight onto the streets. Normally you don't do that. After all a car could just come out of nowhere and run straight into us. But in that moment, I was sure. No car would suddenly appear. So we just kept going and floating.

It was truly a strange atmosphere. Just a moment ago we were cramped inside my room, which was located inside a bigger apartment which was located inside a bigger building. And we talked there, almost all of the time.

But right now we were only standing under the night sky and it's best friend, the moon. And everything was quiet. At least until Felix gave my instructions on where to go. But that didn't happen all too often so it was quiet most of the time.

Despite the two situations being the complete opposite of one another, everything was kinda right. The first situation was unusual, but it was a nice experience. And this second situation is unusual as well. But it is still nice nonetheless.

It took us some time. But we finally arrived at a house. It wasn't like Felix at all. That's because that house was pretty normal. Nothing about it stood out. 

"Ya gotta go through da back door, bud. That's the easy way, fo sure."

"Is it locked?"

"Nah, but it broken. Ya can easily pull aside da glass and then stick ya hand through."

When I arrived at the backdoor, it was exactly like Felix had said. The glass pane wasn't really attached to the rest of the door. I could easily remove it a bit and then stick my hand through the gap. Through that, I was able to open the door pretty easily.

I entered the house. Just then I remembered that I had no idea who was actually home. But it's not like it would change that much. It wasn't really important who would catch me. The only important thing about this is actually dodging being caught.

So I sneaked through her house. It was... surreal to say the least.

I was no expert in emotions. Heck, I wasn't even a novice... Not even close to be honest. Despite that I felt that the atmosphere was off. I figured that the daughter of the house dying would cast some sort of emotion on everyone there.

"Is it me or is there a perciular... atmosphere?"

I put my thoughts into quiet words which hushed out of my mouth only for Felix.

"Ye, completely. 'Tis what I wanted, so I'm mad happy!"

"You wanted the atmosphere to be this..."

"This sad, yea. It do be what it should, dontcha think, huh? After all, if I go ahead and die without worries, it shall have a impact. Not just on me, no, no."

Ah, yes. Didn't she mention something like that earlier?

"So, basically, I killed myself so everyone was gon be sad. Or happy, ion care as long as they do be feelin anythin."

"Aren't there... Easier ways for that? More practical ways?"

"Could be, but it's too late now anyway, huh. Either way, worked anyway. You has awakened desire, my fan awakened sadness, school was unsure what to do, so that's another dub for me."

I listened to the martyrs words and subconsciously agreed. Whether or not the method of accomplishing her goal was actually efficient or the best one available, Felix did succeed at the end.

At that point I stood in front of her room. I placed my hand on the doorknob and carefully opened the door. On the other side I saw the room in which Felix spent her time.

Felix' room was unusual, just like her. On the wall were colorful scribbles which she seemed to have created via her colored school pencils. She had written down many different words, which I remembered to have read about a long time ago. She also seemed to draw quite a bit, even though none of those drawings were any good. They weren't even decent.

"Why did you spent so much time drawing and writing on all those walls? It's neither aesthetically pleasing nor really useful in any way."

"There ain't no reason. Ion need a reason to do things. After realising that, I just did whatever I could think of. I liked doing it, so I did."

"It's no sort of visual for any company. It doesn't hold any purpose at all. Why would you spend your time for something that is utterly useless?"

"It wasn't useless for me. The opposite of what ya said is true, bud. I did it to pass some time in which I wouldn't have done anything."

"You could have used the time to actually do something useful. Like studying. Or learning more. Working out. Really anything that is useful for life."

"Ion care bout all that. It ain't fun, so I ain't havin none of it. Drawing and writing was actually fun, so I did it."

"Is that all there is to it?"

"Nah, but ya ain't ready for big talk yet, bud."

"When will I be ready?"

"Ion know. We'll see. Take the book now."

I looked around the room. There was, in fact, the very same book she was carrying around back then laying right in front of me on her bed. I slowly stretched out my hand and touched it.

It was... Natural. I had kinda hoped it to still be a bit warm, but it wasn't. Obviously. The book itself didn't look any special. It was just a normal book, not even the bookmark was anything special. Which was kinda strange considering Felix painted over almost everything else in this room.

I just took the book. It could have been taken as police evidence and been put inside a locker where it would never get out again. But it didn't. The dead girls book was in my grasp. My heart pounded faster.

With the book in the right hand and the book's owner's ghost floating on my left side, I left the dead girl's house.