Faustian bargain

After the last period I didn't go home immediately. While I had planned to go shop for some clothes with Felix, we went somewhere else before that.

I could easily enter the roof. They didn't lock it or anything. Two days back I wouldn't have doubted that in anyway. But now was different. After opening my eyes I can't help but find this worrying.

A student went to the roof a day prior. They then proceeded to kill themself by dropping down. This was only possible due to the roof. Despite that the roof was still accessible for absolutely everyone.

While that was messed up, it was also favorable for me. After all I wanted to see what Felix saw.

The roof itself was nothing but a flat surface. There wasn't really anything to stop anyone from jumping down. Though I guess there isn't really anything here that would normally lead anyone to go up here either.

It was still strange though. There is absolutely no reason to go up there besides for jumping off and killing yourself. Despite that there was still an easy way to access the roof.

"Hey, whatcha thinkin bout?"

"Why would they even have a way to the roof? There isn't anything to do here besides killing yourself. And I doubt that the school is part of some evil scheme where they want to make students kill themself."

"Huh? Well, why shouldn't they? There ain't a reason for them to lock off any way up here. Sometimes someone has to go up here to fix things I'd guess. Installing a lock on the door and handing out keys is unnecessary I'd say. After all, they could never suspect someone to actually kill themself."

"Well, the last part is true... I don't think killing yourself is something the emotionless could ever think about it. And even if they were, killing yourself probably needs a lot of emotional power, right?"

"Nah, not at all. 'Tis easy. At least for me."

"Why though? I couldn't do it myself."

"Ye, cuz now ya have ambitions. Desires. All those things. Ya have somethin ya wanna live for. I didn't have none of that. I only had the wish to change someone through my actions. And that was only possible through killing myself. If any action can change anything, that action, which ya call the strongest of emotional actions, is probably the best choice. And like I said, I didn't care bout life at that point."

I nodded silently. I was standing on the side of the roof right now. No one noticed me, apparently. But to be honest even if they did they probably wouldn't do anything. Yesterday no one did anything either. Me neither.

Standing there and looking down was an indescribable experience. I saw people but they were small. They were below me. Exactly like our mental difference, they were like ants to me.

"Ya know the story of 'Faust'?"

"No. What's that?"

"So there was this German dude. And he wrote a book, which he basically put his entire life into. And that's 'Faust'."

"He spent his entire life into writing one book?"

"Nah, fool. He wrote a bunch. 'Faust' itself is two books itself."

"...okay. What's it about?"

"So, one day this devil called Mephisto comes to this dude called Faust. He is like focused on work and always wants to know more. He never rests and doesn't really have any sort of fun in life since he always longs for more. And Mephisto offers him somethin; He'll give him everything he wants and make his life real good. Faust accepts and adds a condition of his own; If he ever were to experience somethin that blows him away, that makes him feel completion in a way he never had, if he were to feel the greatest of feelings... If all of this were to happen, then Faust would give Meph his soul on the spot."

"So, what do you want to get at?"

"Dontcha think that's kinda like our situation right now?"

"Because Faust longing for that greatest of all moments is the same as me longing for emotions?"

"Ya thinkin this bout you? Nah, I meant I'm like Faust! Ya know how the story ends?"

"I didn't even know the story until a few moments ago, so obviously not."

"Faust basically is old and has some sort of businesses he really likes. So then he tells Meph that he could call this the greatest of all moments. Then he dies."

"So Mephisto won in the end?"

"That's the interesting thing; Back in the day, those dudes argued bout that all of the time. Supporters said him saying is him admitting. But Deniers say him saying he could say isn't him saying. So the opinion of everyone was split."

"And that corresponds to you in what way?"

"Well, after feeling the 'strongest of emotional actions' like you called it, I did in fact die. So I'm kinda like Faust! I lived all my life and after experiencing the greatest moment I died."

"If one of the two of us is Faust, then it's me. You are Mephisto. You help me gain that which I long for."

"Nah, that ain't it! Ya actually want to achieve that, Faust was just cocky and added that rule cuz whynot! Ya long for it, Faust don't want it!"

"What? Of course Faust wanted it! Why would he state that extra condition if not to encourage Mephisto to bring him that great moment? He was ready to throw his life away to achieve this greatest moment, that is why he even suggested it."

"Fool! Even if that were the case, he'd still be just like me, for real! You ain't nothin like that, but I am! I'm just like Faust, for real!"

"You... May have a point, yes. But! A devil is more like a ghost! And a man is more like a man! Therefore, I have to be Faust!"

"What a lame reasoning... Well, whatever. Not important who of us is who. We be havin a 'Faustian Bargain' right now, that's the thing! So let's just go on, each of us can be Faust, huh!"

Neither of us really said anything after that.

But I wanted to be Faust.