Kung Fu And The Great Escape

BAM!

Crimson punched a Chinese masseuse so hard his slippers flew off.

Kaz was swinging a towel like a medieval flail, cracking it against unsuspecting foreheads. "BACK, DEMONS! I'LL NOT BE TURNED INTO DIM SUM!"

Kai ducked under a flying sandal and elbowed a worker in the ribs. "HOW ARE THEY SO FAST?! DO THEY TRAIN FOR THIS?!"

MJ grabbed a bottle of massage oil and flung it onto the floor. Instantly, half the workers slipped, sliding across the spa like poorly animated ragdolls. "SOMEONE GET LEON!"

Meanwhile, at the back of the hallway, the metal door finally creaked open.

And out stumbled Leon.

His robe was half-torn, his hair was disheveled, and for some reason, he was holding a steaming plate of noodles.

He looked up at the absolute war zone in front of him, then down at his noodles. "Did… did I miss something?"

Kaz tackled him instantly. "THEY SOLD YOU TO THE CHINESE BLACK MARKET!"

Leon blinked. "What? No, dude, I was just getting lunch."

Silence.

Then Kai pointed at the noodles. "Wait. Are those… complimentary?"

Leon nodded.

Crimson punched a wall. "SO THEY ONLY KIDNAP SOME PEOPLE?!"

The old Chinese man, still standing calmly in the background, shook his head. "No, no. He good customer. You bad customer."

Kaz was panting. "Because we didn't tip?"

The old man smiled. "Because you ask too many question."

Just then, three enormous Chinese men stepped out from a back room. Each one was built like a final boss.

"OH HELL NO," MJ yelled. "WHEN DID WE ENTER A JACKIE CHAN MOVIE?!"

Leon took a bite of his noodles. "Oh yeah, those are the security guys. They were real nice. They even gave me this robe."

Kaz grabbed him by the shoulders. "WHY ARE YOU SO CALM RIGHT NOW?!"

Leon shrugged. "Because I didn't get kidnapped?"

Before Kaz could strangle him, the first giant charged.

Crimson barely dodged the massive fist that shattered a wooden table on impact. "HOLY SHIT—DID HE JUST PUNCH SOLID OAK?!"

Kai jumped onto a massage bed and parkour-kicked the guy in the face. Nothing happened.

The man didn't even blink.

"Oh," Kai muttered. "We're dead."

The second giant lunged at Kaz, but Kaz—still fueled by pure panic and noodle rage— grabbed a bottle of essential oils and threw it into the dude's eyes.

"AGHHH! LAVENDER BURNS!" the man screamed, clutching his face.

Leon frowned. "Damn, didn't know he was allergic to relaxation."

MJ turned to the last giant and pointed dramatically. "I KNOW YOUR WEAKNESS."

The man hesitated. "…What?"

MJ grinned. "SPICY FOOD."

Before anyone could question him, MJ pulled out a tiny packet of chili powder (from where? No one knows) and threw it like a smoke bomb.

It hit the guy right in the eyes.

"AGHHHH! MY ANCESTORS BETRAY ME!"

THUD!

THUD!

THUD!

One by one, the giants fell, rolling on the floor like toddlers who just ate wasabi for the first time.

Silence.

Then Kaz whispered, "Did… did we just win?"

Kai shook his head. "No. We survived."

The old Chinese man sighed, rubbing his temples. "You fight well. But you still not escape."

Kaz raised an eyebrow. "Yeah? Who's stopping us now, Confucius?"

The old man just smirked and clapped his hands one last time.

The walls shifted.

The floor moved.

And suddenly… the entire spa transformed.

Secret doors opened. Dozens of hidden fighters appeared.

And at the very center of them all… stood a small, wrinkled, elderly Chinese woman holding a broom.

Kaz squinted. "Is that… a grandma?"

Leon's face went pale. "Oh, we're dead."

Crimson scoffed. "She's like 90. What's she gonna do, knit us to death?"

The old Chinese man took a step back. "That… is my mother."

The grandma tightened her grip on the broom. "You dishonor my spa."

Leon immediately threw his noodles aside. "RUN."

To be continued…