The Wrath Of The Tiny Eyed Tiger

BANG!

A wooden broom slammed into the floor, cracking the tiles like a damn earthquake.

Everyone froze.

The ancient Chinese grandma stood there, hunched over, her frail hands gripping the broom like it was Excalibur. She had the face of a 200-year-old monk who had seen every dynasty rise and fall.

Her tiny, razor-thin eyes scanned the room with the precision of a trained assassin.

Kaz leaned into Crimson. "Bro, are her eyes even open?"

Crimson whispered back. "I dunno, but I feel like she sees more than us."

The old Chinese man pointed at them dramatically. "You bring dishonor to this place. Now, you will face my mother…" He took a deep breath. "Madame Zhu."

Leon scratched his head. "Wait. So you mean this is like—"

Before he could finish, Madame Zhu disappeared.

POOF.

One second she was there. The next, she was just… gone.

Crimson's instincts screamed. He barely dodged as a blur of pure, old lady rage materialized behind him.

BOOM!

The broom struck the wall, shattering the concrete like it owed her money.

Kaz screamed. "DID SHE JUST BREAK A WALL WITH A BROOM?!"

MJ shook his head. "Bro… we're fighting a damn anime villain."

Crimson cracked his knuckles. "Alright, Grandma. Let's dance."

Madame Zhu turned to him, tilting her head. "You think you can match my Kung Fu, boy?"

Crimson smirked. "Kung Fu? I don't need that. I got something better."

Madame Zhu raised an eyebrow. "And what is that?"

Crimson flashed his perfect white teeth. "American arrogance."

And with that, he swung first.

—

Crimson vs. Madame ZhuCrimson's fist shot forward like a bullet. Madame Zhu sidestepped effortlessly, her tiny eyes narrowing even furtheras if zooming in.

She jabbed forward with the broom. Crimson dodged left.

WHOOSH.

The broom shaved off a single strand of his hair.

Crimson's face darkened. "Oh hell no, did this woman just line me up?"

Kai yelled, "BRO, SHE JUST GAVE YOU A SHAPE-UP MID-FIGHT!"

Madame Zhu smirked. "You are too slow for my techniques."

Crimson narrowed his eyes. "Or maybe… you're just too short for me to hit."

Madame Zhu's wrinkles twitched. She vanished again.

POOF.

"WHERE DID SHE GO?!" Kaz shrieked.

Leon spun around. "CHECK BELOW! SHE'S TOO SHORT, SHE'S PROBABLY AT OUR KNEES!"

Too late.

WHACK!

Madame Zhu drop-kicked Crimson in the ribs. He flew backwards, crashing into a stack of hand towels.

MJ winced. "Damn, bro. That was straight out of a Bruce Lee movie."

Crimson groaned, pushing himself up. His ribs ached. His pride hurt more.

Madame Zhu strode forward, calmly brushing dust off her robe. "You are weak."

Crimson spit blood onto the floor. He rolled his shoulders, then cracked his knuckles.

"Alright, Grandma," he muttered. "No more holding back."

Madame Zhu's thin eyes flashed. "Show me what you got, boy."

—

Round 2Crimson charged. Madame Zhu darted forward.

They clashed.

Crimson threw a haymaker. Madame Zhu ducked and countered with a broom strike—Crimson blocked it with his forearm.

He swung a kick—she backflipped over it like a damn Olympic gymnast.

Kai's jaw dropped. "Bro… SHE MOVES LIKE A DAMN DRAGON BALL CHARACTER."

Kaz was shaking. "HOW OLD IS SHE?!"

Leon shrugged. "I dunno, man, but she's been alive for at least three dynasties."

Crimson grinned. "Let's see how good you are when I speed up."

And then—he vanished.

Madame Zhu's eyes narrowed even further.

Kaz gasped. "BRO, HE'S MATCHING HER ASIAN SPEED."

Crimson reappeared behind Madame Zhu. He aimed a punch straight for her back.

Madame Zhu tilted her head slightly.

And then—she sidestepped at the last second, sticking out her broom.

Crimson tripped.

SMACK!

He landed face-first onto the floor.

Silence.

Leon winced. "Damn, she hit him with the minimum effort dodge."

Crimson groaned, rolling over. "I hate this lady."

Madame Zhu shook her head. "You fight with strength, but not wisdom. That is why you fail."

Kaz whispered, "Bro, did she just hit him with a life lesson?"

Kai clapped. "She's not just kicking his ass—she's parenting him."

Crimson gritted his teeth. "Okay. I admit it. She's fast." He stood up, cracking his neck. "But I'm done playing fair."

He reached into his pocket.

Madame Zhu narrowed her microscopic eyes. "What are you planning?"

Crimson smirked. "This."

And then—he flashed a bright flashlight directly into her face.

BLINDING LIGHT.

Madame Zhu stumbled back. "AGH! MY EYES!"

Kai's mouth dropped. "HE USED HIS WHITE PRIVILEGE!"

Kaz clutched his heart. "SHE CAN'T FIGHT BACK AGAINST THAT!"

MJ gasped. "CRIMSON FOUND THE ULTIMATE COUNTER TO ASIANS!"

Crimson lunged forward. "TIME TO FINISH THIS, GRANDMA!"

Madame Zhu growled, still rubbing her eyes. "Clever boy."

Crimson swung his fist—

—and then the old Chinese man interrupted.

"ENOUGH!"

Everyone froze.

The old man sighed, shaking his head. "You win. Leave, before I change my mind."

Silence.

Then Kaz whispered, "Did we actually just win?"

Leon shrugged. "I mean, Crimson had to use a damn flashlight, but yeah."

Madame Zhu gritted her teeth. "Hmph. You are strong. But next time, no tricks."

Crimson wiped sweat from his forehead. "Next time, you don't get a broom."

The old man sighed again. "Go."

Kaz nodded. "Alright. Let's never speak of this again."

And with that… they left the spa.

—

Outside the SpaThe squad stumbled out into the night air, beaten, bruised, and traumatized.

Kai lit a cigarette. "Well. That was a thing."

Leon sighed. "You guys realize we went in there for a massage, right?"

Kaz groaned. "I just wanted to relax, man."

Crimson nodded, still sore. "Next time… we're going to a damn Swedish spa."

To be continued…