The Case Of The Great Curry Castle

Pizza and GaslightingThe squad was chilling in the office, stuffing their faces with pizza. The new massage chair hummed in the background, but nobody let Crimson sit in it after the last incident.

Kaz took a big bite of his slice. "Damn, this pepperoni slaps."

Leon nodded. "Yeah, but that cheese is mad greasy. I can feel my arteries clogging in real time."

MJ shrugged. "Just wash it down with soda."

Crimson frowned. "That's not how hearts work."

Kai leaned back. "Eh, if we die, we die. At least we'll die full."

Right then, the office phone rang.

Leon groaned. "Man, can we have one meal without getting interrupted?"

Kaz picked up the phone. "Yo, you've reached Dead Wrong Detectives. We solve crimes and ruin lives. What do you need?"

A deep, distorted voice spoke. "I have a job for you. A… dangerous one."

MJ leaned forward. "How dangerous?"

The voice continued. "There's a building downtown. Every resident is Indian. And something… isn't right."

Silence.

Then Kai squinted. "…What do you mean 'every resident is Indian'?"

The voice deepened. "Exactly what I said."

Kaz blinked. "Bro, is that illegal?"

Leon shrugged. "I mean… it sounds suspicious."

Crimson raised an eyebrow. "So you just want us to investigate an Indian apartment building?"

The voice spoke again. "I'll pay you handsomely."

Everyone sat up.

MJ grinned. "Alright, now you're speaking our language."

Leon nodded. "Alright, mysterious dude, we'll check it out."

The voice chuckled. "Good. I'll be in touch."

Click.

Silence.

Then Kaz scoffed. "Alright, let's not act like this isn't suspicious as hell."

Leon smirked. "Speaking of suspicious… Kaz, are you sure you're not Indian?"

Kaz choked on his soda. "WHAT?"

MJ nodded. "Yeah, bro, it's kinda weird how you're reacting."

Kaz frowned. "Reacting to what? I just think this job is weird!"

Kai leaned forward. "Nah, bro, your name is Kaz. Sounds kinda… you know… subcontinent-y."

Crimson nodded. "Yeah, and remember last week? You ordered curry twice."

Kaz blinked. "SO? It's food!"

Leon smirked. "Yeah, Indian food."

MJ snapped his fingers. "And you be sweating a lot. Indians be sweating."

Kaz threw his hands up. "EVERYBODY SWEATS, YOU IDIOT!"

Kai shrugged. "Not like you, though. You got that spice tolerance sweat."

Crimson nodded seriously. "Yeah, bro. Real Indian behavior."

Kaz groaned. "Y'all are actually insane."

MJ grinned. "Denial. Classic Indian trait."

Kaz grabbed his pizza. "You know what? I hope all of y'all get food poisoning."

Leon patted his back. "It's okay, Kazveer Patel. We still accept you."

Kaz nearly threw hands.

—

The "Suspicious" Indian ApartmentLater that night, the squad pulled up outside the suspicious Indian apartment building.

It was normal as hell.

Lights were on. Some dudes were chilling outside. The smell of curry and incense filled the air.

Kai sniffed. "Damn, that smells fire."

MJ nodded. "Yo, is this a detective case or a buffet?"

Kaz shook his head. "Can y'all take this seriously?"

Leon smirked. "Relax, Rajesh. We got this."

Kaz groaned. "I hate you all."

They approached the entrance. A man in traditional Indian clothing greeted them.

"Namaste, friends!" he smiled. "Are you here for the spiritual awakening session?"

Crimson squinted. "The what?"

The man clapped his hands. "Ah! First-timers! Come in, come in!"

Kaz held up a hand. "Uh, no, we're here for an investigation—"

MJ cut him off. "Yeah, yeah, let's check it out."

Leon grinned. "Hey, if we get free food out of this, I'm down."

They stepped inside.

—

Welcome to the Cult of SpicesThe apartment was decorated like a temple. Statues of Hindu gods stood in the corners, and the walls were covered in bright tapestries.

A group of men in turbans sat cross-legged in the center, chanting.

Kai leaned over. "Yo, this looks like the final boss room in an RPG."

MJ nodded. "Yeah, we're definitely about to unlock a side quest."

Leon turned to Kaz. "You understand what they're saying, bro?"

Kaz facepalmed. "I'M NOT INDIAN."

Just then, a man in a golden robe stepped forward.

"Welcome, guests. You have come seeking enlightenment, yes?"

Crimson whispered. "Yo, why does he sound like he's about to sacrifice us?"

Kaz whispered back. "Because he probably is."

Leon stepped forward. "Uh, yeah, sure. Enlighten us."

The man nodded. "**Good. First, you must partake in the Trial of the Spices."

MJ blinked. "The what now?"

The man clapped his hands.

Suddenly, a group of men appeared—holding trays of insanely spicy food.

Kai's eyes widened. "Oh hell no."

Kaz groaned. "Guys, I swear to God, if one of you says—"

Leon grinned. "Looks like a job for Kazveer Patel."

Kaz nearly jumped over the table to fight him.

—

The Spice GauntletEach of them was given a plate of burning red curry.

MJ sniffed it. "This smells like regret."

Kai took a bite.

Silence.

Then his soul left his body.

He dropped the spoon. "I CAN'T FEEL MY FACE."

Leon was sweating. "Holy hell, my ancestors are screaming."

Crimson chugged water. "I think I saw Jesus."

Kaz took a bite and chewed casually.

Everyone stared.

MJ blinked. "Wait… you're not dying?"

Kaz shrugged. "Tastes normal."

Silence.

Leon smirked. "We told you. You're Indian."

Kaz finally snapped. "I'M NOT—"

The leader stood up.

"You have passed the Trial of the Spices!" he declared.

Kaz froze. "Wait, what?"

The leader bowed. "Brother Kazveer, you are one of us. Welcome home."

Everyone burst out laughing.

Kaz stood there, completely defeated.

Crimson wiped a tear. "We gaslit him so hard, even the Indians believe it."

Kaz sighed deeply.

This was his life now.

To be continued…