Zag's Flaming Hot Mess and Mr. Nobody's Throne

We entered the cave, and let me tell you—it was dark. I'm talking the kind of dark where you could lose your phone and start questioning your life choices. You know, that type of pitch black where you think, "Well, this is it. This is where I die." But, lucky for me, I have night vision. 

Zag, my tiny sword-turned-shoulder buddy, however, was not so fortunate. 

"I can't see a damn thing!" Zag whined, clutching my hair like it was the most dependable thing in the world. 

I smirked. "Well, I can. Sucks to be you, huh?" 

Zag, clearly unimpressed, huffed. "Oh sure, Mister Fancy Night Vision. Prove it! What's in the far corner of the cave?"  

I grinned, pretending to mull it over. "Do you really want to know? Because what I see is… a huge chair with the skeleton of none other than... Mr. Nobody!" 

I even threw in a spooky voice for added flair. 

Zag froze. "W-WHAT?!" he squeaked, his tiny hands gripping my hair like it was a life raft. 

I made it worse by lowering my voice. "Oh yeah, and he looks super grumpy, too. The classic type of guy who would sit on a giant throne in a dark cave, just waiting to... wait, what's the word I'm looking for?… judge us!" 

Zag started freaking out. "No, no, no! Are you seriously telling me there's a skeleton in the corner just waiting for us?!" 

I nodded gravely. "You bet. And he's wearing a crown. Very regal, very dramatic." 

Zag was in full panic mode by now. "What if it's a ghost?! What if it attacks us?!" 

I shook my head. "Honestly, the only thing Mr. Nobody can attack is our dignity, because look at him—he's literally doing nothing." 

Zag, determined to make me pay for my horrible life decisions, immediately conjured a flame arrow. In true "let's make this dramatic" fashion, he threw it at the far corner. 

It soared through the air with a whoosh, like a fireball auditioning for a spot in an action movie, and landed with a thunk. 

The entire cave lit up in a fiery glow. And sure enough—BAM!—there it was: A huge stone chair with a skeleton slouched on it like he was taking a nap. 

Zag stared at me in complete disbelief. "HOW DID YOU SEE THAT?! YOU'RE LYING! YOU'RE A LIAR!" 

I shrugged, grinning like a smug cat who just knocked something off a table. "I have eyes, Zag. Eyes that let me see things. You know, unlike your tiny sword eyeballs?" 

Zag folded his arms. "My eyes are just fine, okay? Fine." 

I raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh. Sure. Fine. If by 'fine,' you mean 'two raisins glued to a loaf of bread.'" 

Zag's face turned a shade of red I didn't think was even possible. And just as I was about to add another jab, WHOOSH!—another flame arrow shot straight at me. 

I sidestepped it effortlessly, the projectile flying past me and crashing directly into the chair. 

BOOM! The skeleton was immediately engulfed in flames. 

We both screamed. 

"OH CRAP!" I yelled. "ZAG, WHAT DID YOU DO?!" 

"ME?! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SAID IT WAS A SKELETON!" Zag shouted, pointing at me like it was my fault the skeleton was now a crispy critter. 

As the fire raged, turning Mr. Nobody into Mr. Extra Crispy, Zag wiped imaginary sweat from his forehead. "Well, at least we know he's really dead now!" 

I gave him an unimpressed stare. "Yeah, that's comforting. You really think that's what's going to calm my nerves?" 

Zag, somehow still way too pleased with himself, smirked. "Hey, look at the bright side. If he was a ghost, we made sure he won't come back. Problem solved!"  

I rolled my eyes. "Or, you know, you could've just not burned him alive. What was he gonna do? Rattle us to death?" 

Zag snorted. "Well, he was a skeleton. Pretty sure he would've just rattled us." 

I couldn't help it—I laughed. He was ridiculous, but in a charming kind of way. 

We both stared at the burned remains of Mr. Nobody, now reduced to a pile of ash. 

I poked at the pile with a stick, completely unimpressed. "Man, I was hoping for some classic manga protagonist luck here," I muttered. "Enter a cave, find a legendary sword, become the chosen one, get a cool new power. Instead, I found... disappointment and charred bones." 

Zag snorted again. "You were expecting treasure, weren't you? Well, all you got was a skeleton with bad life choices." 

I sighed. "Yep. Just like my dating life." 

With a dramatic wave of my hand, I decided to fix the situation. I used my magic to reverse time on the skeleton, reconstructing it from its ashy remains, and—voila!—back to being the same old Mr. Nobody. Still as lifeless as before. Still useless. 

"There," I said, patting the skeleton on the head. "Back to being Mr. Nobody. Peace out, buddy." 

Zag raised an eyebrow, skeptical. "Think he's actually at peace now?" 

I shrugged, looking at the now-restored skeleton, then back at Zag. "Well, I don't know. We kinda traumatized him twice. First we burn him alive, and then we fix him and pretend like nothing happened. His peace is probably... on hold." 

Zag cracked up, and I joined in, because really, what else could we do at this point? 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

After our delightful encounter with Mr. Nobody and his fabulous chair, we decided to crash in the cave for the night. I found a nice, flat spot to sit down and stretched my legs. 

Zag, on the other hand, wasted no time in settling in—on my shoulder, of course—and within minutes, he was snoring louder than a chainsaw. 

Seriously. It was like having a full-grown pig snoring on my shoulder. 

"Man, I thought swords were supposed to be sharp and alert," I muttered, poking his tiny sleeping form. "Not, y'know, dreaming about dumplings." 

Zag stirred, mumbling something about "extra soy sauce," but didn't wake up. 

I shook my head, staring at the cave ceiling, contemplating life. How did I go from ordinary guy to this—the chosen one with a talking sword that liked to nap and dream about food? 

The night passed in silence, apart from Zag's bizarre sleep-talk, and by morning, I was ready to face whatever weirdness the next day had in store. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Morning finally arrived, with sunlight creeping into the cave like it had something to prove. 

I stood up, stretching out the stiffness from sitting all night. Zag, still passed out on my shoulder, was drooling like he had just won a prize for best sleeper. 

I flicked his forehead gently. "Rise and shine, sleepyhead. We've got an adventure to get to." 

Zag, apparently not a morning person, groaned. "Five more minutes... I was dreaming about dumplings..." 

I grinned. "Want me to turn you back into a pendant? That'll wake you up." 

Instantly, Zag shot up, flailing. "I'M AWAKE! I'M AWAKE!" 

I chuckled, stepping outside the cave. A new day, a new adventure, and with my trusty sword-turned-shoulder buddy by my side, I had no idea what weirdness would come our way... but I was kind of looking forward to it.