S2 Chapter 40 : Switch

The Ace and the Four Kings

Chapter 40 : Switch

SPADE'S POV

(AN: This scene takes place before the washroom incident involving Monique and Xyrine in Chapter 38.)

(AN: Play I love you by JUST)

I slowly approached where she was. A smile crept onto my lips when I saw that it was really her. I wanted to go closer, but hesitation gripped me, and I turned around immediately.

"Spade..."

I froze. My name—softly spoken—made me turn instinctively. And when I did, I saw her smiling in her sleep. It was a sight so different from how she usually looked whenever we crossed paths.

"I told you... to forget about me."

I took a step forward and sat beside her. Gently, I tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, my gaze locking onto hers, searching, memorizing.

"You're so damn stubborn," I muttered with a faint, bitter smile. "I told you not to fall asleep in the maze while wearing a skirt, didn't I?"

I kept my eyes on her face, and that was when I saw it—a single tear slipping down her cheek, her eyes shut as if she were trying to block out the world. I averted my gaze, clenching my fists so tightly my nails dug into my palms.

"Seeing your tears fall because of me… it kills me, Xyrine," I whispered into the air, staring into the distance.

["Spade, please… don't…"]

I bowed my head as the memory of that night crashed into me.

"If I could have wiped your tears away that night, I would have. If I could have stopped time while we held each other in that fleeting moment, I would have. If I could have changed what happened that night… I swear to God, I would have. But damn it, Xyrine..." My voice broke as I pressed my hand over my mouth, trying to hold back everything welling up inside me.

"I couldn't."

"I'm sorry for being the one who let go. I'm sorry for not fighting for you. I'm sorry for hurting you in ways I never meant to." I inhaled sharply, the weight on my chest growing heavier with every word.

"Since that night, I've felt like I've lost control over my own life. Like I don't even recognize myself anymore. And when I told you I didn't know you that night, it felt like I was slowly killing myself too."

"Every single day without you—without seeing you, without talking to you—I feel like I'm losing my mind. And every single time I turn my back on you, deny you, push you away… it's torture, Xyrine."

"But even after all the pain I've caused you, all the tears I've made you shed… I think I still don't deserve to feel this much hurt."

I stopped, my throat tightening.

"But damn it... it hurts. It hurts to see another man protecting you, standing beside you—when it should have been me."

I rubbed my eyes, but it was pointless—I could already feel the sting of unshed tears. "That day when Ten, Ren, and Louren defended you against me... I don't know, but I hated myself. I hated that my own friends had to step in for you when I should have been the one doing it." I let out a shaky breath, my gaze drifting aimlessly.

"And when Louren asked me if I still loved you… and I said, 'I don't know you anymore'…" I let out a bitter chuckle. "It felt like I was handing over the only person I've ever truly loved. But do you want to know what hurt the most?"

I forced a smile, one that held nothing but pain. "That I couldn't do anything but push you further away. To drive you into someone else's arms."

The words caught in my throat as I tried to swallow the lump forming there. "The moment I saw you and Louren walking away together, hand in hand… I felt like I was being shattered into a million pieces." I exhaled sharply, forcing myself to continue. "I don't know... I did this to myself. I was the one who made this happen. So why…"

I clenched my fist and placed it over my chest. "Why does it hurt this much, Xyrine? Why does it feel like I can't even breathe whenever I see you with him? Why does it feel like my heart is being ripped apart?"

I turned to her, my vision blurred. I could no longer hold it in—my tears finally fell, one after another.

"Xyrine… you always make me cry. Why are you like this?" My voice cracked as I finally pulled her into a tight embrace, holding onto her like she was the only thing keeping me from falling apart.

"Xyrine…"

"If I have to kneel before Monique again… no matter how many times, I will. But it won't change anything." My voice trembled as more tears fell.

"Damn it, Xyrine… nothing will change."

Silence wraps around us, heavy and unyielding, as a low sob escapes my lips, trembling with the weight of everything I can't put into words.

"I miss you."

And that was it—I broke. I clung to her as sobs racked my body, my tears staining her shoulder.

She stirred slightly, a faint sound escaping her lips. I hurriedly wiped my tears away and stood up. I turned my back to her, but then, as if pulled by some invisible force, I glanced at her one last time. I studied her face—every angle, every delicate feature—desperately trying to commit it all to memory.

"You're right here in front of me… yet it feels like you're a million miles away." I whispered to the wind, my heart clenching as another tear slipped down my cheek.

I stepped closer, leaned in, and let my lips hover near her ear.

"I love you, baby," I murmured, my voice barely above a breath. "But..."

I finally turned away, my hand covering my mouth to stifle the sob that threatened to escape.

"Maybe this is where we end," I whispered to the wind as I walked away, leaving her behind.

XYRINE JEAN'S POV

A small smile crept onto my lips when I saw a man dressed in white standing with his back to me.

"Spade?"

My heart surged with warmth as he turned to face me, but the moment our eyes met, my joy crumbled into confusion. His gaze, once filled with familiarity, was now vacant, void of recognition.

"Who are you?" he asked, his voice a detached echo of the one I knew so well.

My breath hitched. What do you mean, who am I?

I reached out, fingers trembling, desperate to touch him, to feel the warmth I had longed for—but he recoiled. The slap of his hand against mine stung more than just my skin. He turned away, his posture rigid, and without another word, walked off, leaving me standing in the abyss of uncertainty.

"Spadeee..."

"Spadeeee!"

I jolted awake, my chest heaving, air rushing into my lungs like I had been drowning. My heart slammed against my ribs as I tried to steady my breath.

"Cuz?!" Ella's voice cracked with emotion before I even registered her presence at the side of my bed. Her face was streaked with tears, her hands clutching mine as if afraid I would disappear.

"Oh my God, cuz! You're finally awake!" she sobbed, throwing her arms around me in a tight embrace.

My limbs felt weak, sluggish, but I forced my fingers to grip her back. "Ella... where are we?"

She pulled away just enough to meet my gaze, sniffling. "We're in the hospital. You've been unconscious for a week."

"A week?" I echoed, my voice hoarse.

A fog settled over my mind. Something was missing—no, something had happened. And then, like a tidal wave, it crashed back into me.

["Nooooo!"]

I gasped, my nails digging into the sheets. The memory was sharp, visceral.

"Ella, Spade!" I blurted out, panic gripping my chest.

She squeezed my hand, her touch grounding. "He's in the next room," she reassured me, offering a small smile. "Just like you, he's been in a coma for a week. But earlier… he woke up. Actually, he's been asking for you."

Relief and urgency warred inside me. I didn't hesitate. I ripped the IV from my arm, tore off the wires and monitors clinging to my body, and flung the blanket aside.

"Xyrine, what are you doing?!" Ella's voice trembled with worry as she tried to restrain me. "You're not well yet!"

"I won't be okay until I see Spade," I said firmly, my bare feet hitting the cold floor. "Ella, tell me—what's his room number?"

She hesitated, something flickering in her eyes—something that made my stomach twist.

"Are you sure?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

I clenched my fists. "Ella."

She exhaled shakily. "To the right of your room."

I turned, ready to leave, but before I could take a step, she suddenly pulled me into a tight hug.

"Xyrine... prepare yourself, okay?" she murmured against my shoulder.

My brows knitted together at the unspoken warning in her words. Still, I forced a smile. "I just need to see him, Ella. I'll be fine."

I stepped out of the room, my heart pounding against my ribs. Just ahead, I spotted the door Ella had mentioned. I took a step forward—

"Xyrine."

I stiffened. That voice.

It's Monique.

Of all the people I could have encountered right now, she was the last one I wanted to see.

I turned slowly, my expression hardening. "What are you doing here, Monique?"

She stood by Spade's door, her lips quivering, her eyes glassy with unshed tears. Her entire body seemed to tremble as she inhaled sharply.

"Xyrine, I'm sorry."

I blinked, my body going rigid.

Then, she did something I never thought I'd witness.

Tears slipped down her cheeks. She kneeled, her hands balling into fists at her sides.

"I don't even know where to begin," she whispered, her voice barely holding together, "but there's only one thing I want to say—I'm sorry for everything."

Her shoulders shook as she continued, raw emotion dripping from every word. "Ever since we were kids, I envied you. I wanted to be you. I resented you because you had everything I wished for. I hated you so much for leaving, for walking away from the life I so desperately wanted. But even when you were gone, it didn't change anything. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I stayed by his side, your father never truly loved me the way he loved you."

She let out a shuddering breath. "Even though I was the one here, standing next to him, he still whispered your name."

My nails dug into my palms as anger churned inside me, burning hot and wild.

"Envious?" I scoffed, my voice shaking. "Do you even know what my life was like before I left that house? How suffocating it was? How unbearable? And now you tell me you envied me?!"

My vision blurred with unshed tears. "Why now, Monique? Do you think this changes anything?"

She fell to her knees before me. "I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I needed to say it. I needed to let you know before I leave. I'll go far away, but… I had to try."

I looked away, refusing to let her see the turmoil in my eyes.

"Stand up, Monique," I muttered. "At least you understand that forgiveness isn't something you can demand."

She wiped her tears and rose, her voice barely a whisper. "Then I'll wait. No matter how long it takes."

She hesitated, then murmured, "I want to see Spade one last time. I need to apologize."

I wanted to refuse.

But what was the point?

Exhaling sharply, I turned to the door. "He's inside."

I stepped in—and my breath caught in my throat.

There he was, Spade, sitting up, his head wrapped in bandages, staring out the window.

A rush of relief filled me. He was awake. He was here.

I took a step forward, about to call his name—but my engagement ring slipped off my finger. It hit the floor, rolling away.

I bent down, my hands trembling as I reached for it.

"Xyrine?"

His voice sent a jolt through me. A smile formed on my lips—But it vanished the moment I looked up.

He wasn't looking at me.

He walked past me.

Straight to Monique.

And in one swift motion, he pulled her into his arms.

"Xyrine, thank God you're alive," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "I don't know what I would've done if something had happened to you."

What's happening? Am I still dreaming?

He kept saying my name, yet he was clearly referring to Monique.

Was this a nightmare?

"Spade," I called out in a daze.

Slowly, he turned in my direction. A chilling sensation crawled down my spine as I met his gaze—his jaw clenched tightly, his eyes burning with fury.

"What are you doing here, Monique?"

Tears streamed down my face the moment I realized what he had just said.

Monique? Did I hear that right?

He called me Monique.

"This… this isn't real," I whispered, still frozen in disbelief.

"What do you mean it's not real? This is as real as it gets, Monique!" he spat. "The truth has finally come out, and now it's time for you to pay for everything you did to Xyrine and me!"

My mind reeled.

What is he talking about?

I kept staring at him, and suddenly, my dream from earlier came rushing back to me.

No… don't tell me…

Trembling, I glanced at his hand—his fingers wrapped tightly around Monique's wrist.

"This isn't real," I muttered, my voice barely above a whisper.

"What the hell are you saying? Have you lost your mind?"

"THIS ISN'T REAL!" I screamed.

I reached out for him, desperate to shake him back to his senses, but before I could even touch him, he shoved me away.

The force sent me crashing to the floor. My hands trembled as I pressed them against the cold ground. My mind was spinning, unable to grasp what was happening. But one thing was certain—

This was a nightmare.

A nightmare so cruel I couldn't wake up from it.

"Spade, what are you doing?!"

Ella rushed into the room, her eyes wide with horror as she hurried to my side.

"What are you doing, Ella? Why are you defending Monique? Did you forget what she did to your cousin?"

Ella froze.

For several agonizing seconds, she stood there, unmoving, speechless.

"What are you talking about? She's—"

I didn't let her finish. My hand shot out, gripping her wrist tightly, and I shook my head.

"Let's go," I whispered, my voice hollow.

Slowly, my feet carried me out of that wretched room. My steps felt heavy, my body numb. The moment I stepped into my own room, my knees buckled, and I collapsed onto the floor.

I buried my face in my hands, my entire being shaking.

What is this? Am I still dreaming?

But no… I could feel it. The pain in my chest—it was real. It was unbearable.

A sharp breath caught in my throat as realization struck me like a dagger.

This is real. This is happening.

"This is madness! Madness!" My cries shattered the silence, raw and desperate.

"Will this pain ever end?!" I sobbed, clutching my chest as if that would keep it from splitting apart.

"I'm tired... so tired..."

"I'm so damn tired of this..."

"Xyrine."

I barely had time to react before Ella pulled me into a tight embrace.

"Xyrine, I'm so sorry," she whispered, her voice shaking with emotion.

"Ella…" My grip tightened around her. "Please, tell me what happened. Tell me, I beg you!" My voice cracked. "When I woke up, I thought everything was fine. But then—" I sucked in a shaky breath. "Why does it feel like my entire world flipped upside down in an instant?!"

Ella hesitated, pain flickering in her eyes.

"Xyrine… a day ago, the doctors warned us to prepare ourselves. They said Spade might not wake up because of the severe head injury he sustained. And if he did… there was a high chance of brain complications. One of them being amnesia."

I stared at her, my pulse pounding in my ears.

"Ella, that wasn't amnesia," I whispered in disbelief. "He remembers everything that happened! The strange part is… he calls Monique Xyrine while calling me Monique!" My voice cracked. "What the hell is going on?! Is this a nightmare?! If it is, please wake me up! I can't take it anymore, Ella! It hurts too much!"

"Xyrine…"

At the sound of my name, I slowly lifted my head.

Standing at the entrance of my room was the last person I expected.

Mr. Montreal.

"Xyrine, I'll be heading out for a bit," Ella said before quickly stepping out of the room.

I swallowed hard as I turned my gaze toward the man standing before me. My voice trembled when I spoke.

"Why are you here?" I whispered, my tone laced with pain.

When he didn't respond, a surge of emotions overwhelmed me.

"WHY ARE YOU HERE?!" I screamed, my voice raw and desperate.

"Xyrine… my daughter." He took a hesitant step toward me, arms slightly open as if to embrace me.

But I shoved him away.

"Don't you dare call me that!" I spat, my breath ragged. "Do you know what? My life was finally good before you came back. I found him! The man who picked up the shattered pieces of me—the man who made me realize I was still worthy of love. I was happy! But then you had to come back!"

I collapsed to my knees, clutching my chest as if trying to hold myself together. Tears streamed down my face, but I no longer cared.

"Do you even know what happened to me thirteen years ago?" My voice wavered, but I forced myself to continue. "I became an assassin. An assassin! I took a life when I was only eight years old! From that moment, I accepted my fate—I believed that my life was doomed. That I would die unloved, forgotten, and alone."

A bitter, hollow laugh escaped my lips. My body trembled as I forced myself to meet his gaze.

"But then… Spade came into my life."

A fresh wave of tears blurred my vision.

"For the first time, I learned what it meant to love. And for the first time, I felt what it was like to be loved in return. Do you have any idea how that felt? To realize that maybe… just maybe… I wasn't beyond saving? That I could be whole again?"

I inhaled sharply.

"But then you came back!" My voice cracked, thick with anger and grief.

"I was happy, Dad. So damn happy! I was finally moving on, burying the past where it belonged! But you and Monique—you both had to come back and ruin everything! Because of you, the only man who ever truly loved me…" My breath hitched. "He was forced to let me go."

The weight of thirteen years of suppressed anguish bore down on me. It all poured out in a violent, unstoppable flood, leaving me gasping for air between sobs.

The silence in the room was suffocating.

Then my gaze landed on the calendar hanging on the wall. The sight of today's date twisted a knife deeper into my heart.

"Do you even know what day it is?" My voice was barely above a whisper.

His lips trembled, and a single tear slipped down his cheek.

"That's right," I murmured, my body shaking. "It's my birthday."

I let out a shuddering breath.

"And it's Mom's death anniversary."

A searing pain shot through my chest, as if my heart was being torn apart all over again.

"Do you know how I feel every time my birthday comes around?" My voice was hollow, distant. "I hate myself. I hate myself so much. This should be a day of celebration, a day of happiness—but instead, every single year, I mourn. I grieve instead of celebrating. And no matter how hard I try, my tears always come before any laughter ever could."

"D-daughter…" His voice shook, but I didn't let him continue.

"Thirteen years, Dad." I could barely keep myself upright anymore.

"Thirteen years of suffering because of you. And now… it seems like I won't just be mourning Mom's death every time my birthday comes."

My body finally gave in, and I collapsed to my knees in front of him.

A sob racked through me as the last, most agonizing truth left my lips.

"Because the only man I ever loved…"

A tear slipped down my cheek, and I let it fall.

"No longer remembers me."