S2 Chapter 41 : Pain and Tears

Xyrine Jean's POV

"This complication is a result of his traumatic head injury."

"If that's the case, then why is his amnesia different?" Ella asked, frustration evident in her voice. "Shouldn't a person with amnesia forget all their memories? But in Spade's case, he switched the memories of two people with their faces. It's so confusing, doctor!"

"In some cases, this can happen," the doctor explained. "If the patient had a deep emotional bond with someone—whether through love or constant presence before the incident—his injured brain might have unconsciously transferred those memories onto the first person he saw after the trauma, especially if he previously held opposing or conflicted feelings toward them."

As I listened to the doctor's words, my vision blurred, and my heart felt heavier.

That time, I lowered my gaze and picked up our ring from the floor, my fingers trembling.

How could just a few seconds turn my entire world upside down?

"Then... will his memories ever return to normal? Or is there still a chance that they will come back?" I finally found my voice, interrupting Ella and the doctor's conversation.

"There is a possibility," the doctor admitted, "but I must warn you—forcing him to remember what has been lost could trigger even more severe complications."

"Xyrine..." Ella looked at me with eyes filled with hopelessness.

"I will wait for him," I whispered, wiping the tears from my cheeks. "No matter how long it takes. No matter how much it hurts."

TWO DAYS LATER.

"Isn't it funny?" I let out a bitter laugh, staring at the woman in front of me. "Not too long ago, I fought to take back what was rightfully mine. But now, in the blink of an eye, it all belongs to you again." My voice wavered as I looked away, trying to keep my tears from falling. "The only difference is that this time, you didn't have to steal anything—because I'm giving it to you willingly."

"Xyrine, you don't have to do this..." Monique murmured, her head bowed.

"But I have to, don't I? He wants you now. He chose you. I won't let him feel any pain, Monique. Even if it means giving you everything."

"That's why I followed what you wanted," Monique said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I convinced him to stay in the Montreal mansion—with you."

"And am I supposed to thank you for that?" I scoffed.

"If you truly don't want to give him up, then don't," she said, still not looking at me.

"You don't understand!" I blurted out, my voice sharp with desperation. "In his mind, everything is finally okay—his world feels whole again. But if you walk away now, what do you think will happen? His world will shatter all over again. And I can't let that happen. I'd rather bear all the pain myself if it means keeping him from breaking."

"Xyrine..."

"I'm willing to step aside," I whispered, my voice trembling, barely holding itself together. "Even if it means loving him from a distance... I will do it."

But then, I lifted my gaze, meeting Monique's eyes with quiet determination. "But hear me, Monique," I said, my tone steady now. "I am not giving Spade to you. The moment his memories return—I will take him back."

"Xyrine!"

Our conversation was abruptly interrupted.

We both turned toward the voice.

It was Spade.

His brows were furrowed, and his jaw was clenched as he strode toward us, grabbing Monique's arm.

"Why are you talking to this woman?" Spade's voice was laced with anger.

I looked away. I couldn't bear to meet his gaze. I knew that if I did, my heart would shatter even more.

"You really have no shame, Monique!" he spat. "Xyrine already agreed to let you stay here in the Montreal mansion with us, but you still want more? What else do you want?"

I forced myself to look at him. But the moment our eyes met, my walls crumbled.

"I... I'm still a Montreal," my voice starts to tremble as I fought back my tears.

"Yes, but only because of the real heir—because of Xyrine." Spade's voice was sharp. "You should be grateful to her because if it weren't for her, you wouldn't be here. You wouldn't be a Montreal anymore." He took a step closer to Monique. "But listen to me carefully—next time, know your place. Do you understand?"

A sharp, invisible dagger plunged into my chest as he took Monique's hand in his and brushed past me, shoving me aside as if I was nothing.

It's okay, Xyrine.

Everything will go back to normal.

It's okay.

I sat on the old swing that had been standing in the Montreals' garden for years. As tears streamed down my face, I let my gaze wander across the garden. In an instant, memories of my mother from thirteen years ago flooded my mind.

"Do you remember?" I whispered, knowing full well that I was the only one who could hear. My head bowed as sorrow weighed down on me. "We used to play here all the time. Whenever I fell, you would pick me up right away and brush the dirt off my knees."

["Next time, be more careful."]

Another tear slipped down my cheek as I recalled the day Spade and I became something more—that one moment when he brushed the dirt off my knee, just like she used to.

A sad smile touched my lips. "Mom, I thought no one would ever do that for me again. But then he came." I wiped my face with trembling hands. "Except now… he doesn't even remember me." My voice broke.

"I promised you back then that I would fight. That I would be strong and brave. And for thirteen years, I kept that promise. But... would it be so wrong if, just this once, I let myself break? Because, Mom... I'm so tired. I'm holding on as hard as I can, but the weight is crushing me. And it hurts—it hurts more than I ever thought possible."

I tilted my head back, realizing just how many tears I had shed.

"If you were still here, you'd probably be running your fingers through my hair, telling me everything would be okay. Just like you always did. If you were still here, I wouldn't have to fight this battle alone, a battle where I don't even know if I stand a chance of winning."

I lifted my gaze toward the sky. "Mom… why did you have to leave me?"

A sob tore through me as I drowned in emotions that refused to fade. My eyes drifted down to the ring Spade had given me, and at that moment, my tears flowed like a river once more.

"Wait, what if Spade looks for this ring with Monique?" My chest tightened. "I have to give it back to him. I can't let him be hurt if he doesn't see it on her finger."

With urgency, I stood and rushed inside the mansion, heading straight for their room. A breath of relief escaped me when I saw they weren't there. I hesitated for a moment, staring at the ring in my palm before placing it carefully on the table.

"I will get you back. I will get Spade back."

Just as I was about to let go of the ring, the sound of the doorknob turning made my blood run cold.

Panic surged through me. Without thinking, I darted behind the curtain of the veranda, pressing myself against the wall.

"I love you so much, Xyrine."

Those words alone shattered what was left of my composure. My breathing hitched as I heard them fall onto the bed. My hands clenched tightly into fists as their movements filled the room. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself to hold back the sob building in my chest.

The pain was unbearable.

"Who's there?"

My heart pounded wildly at Spade's voice. My eyes darted toward the veranda railing in front of me.

"Who's there?!"

The moment his footsteps advanced toward me, I acted on impulse. Without a second thought, I jumped.

Pain exploded through my body as I landed awkwardly on the ground. A sharp sting shot up my leg, forcing me to my knees in the middle of the road. I clutched them tightly, rocking slightly as I tried to ease the agony.

"It's okay, Xyrine. It's okay," I whispered to myself over and over again, as if repeating the words enough times would somehow make them true. But the weight of my heart told me otherwise—I felt as if the entire sky had collapsed on me.

I barely noticed the car pulling up in front of me until a familiar voice broke through my haze.

"Xyrine? Is that you?"

It's Louren.

He rushed toward me, eyes dark with worry. "What happened to you? Why are you here? And…" His gaze fell to my reddened, swollen foot before shifting toward the veranda behind the mansion. His face tensed. "Don't tell me…"

I didn't let him finish. Instead, I threw my arms around him, gripping onto him as if my life depended on it. "Louren… Please. Take me away from here. I'm begging you… Just take me away."

I felt his body stiffen, his fists clenching tightly at his sides. Then, in a firm, steady voice, he said, "I will."

Before I could react, he swept me into his arms and carried me toward his car. I had barely settled into the seat when he suddenly slammed his fist against the steering wheel.

"Can you still do this?" he asked, staring straight ahead, his voice laced with restraint.

"It hurts." My voice was barely above a whisper. "It hurts so much, I feel like I'll go numb soon." I laughed bitterly. "But you know what's even funnier?"

He didn't respond, so I answered my own question.

"No matter how much it hurts. No matter how much my own heart is telling me to stop. As long as I still have the strength to hold on… I will." I wiped at my tear-streaked face.

Louren turned to look at me, his jaw tight. "Xyrine… there's no telling when—if—his memories will ever return! No one knows! So why are you still fighting a battle you are the only one knows? Why are you still holding on when the very person you're fighting for has already forgotten you—has already let you go?!" His voice was raw with frustration.

"Because I love him," I answered simply. "I love him so much, Louren."

My gaze met his, unwavering. "Tell me… how do I let go when I'm the only one left to fight for us? How do I give up on someone who doesn't even know what's happening? How do I surrender when our relationship—our love—is in my hands alone? Tell me, Louren. How?"

His expression darkened. "Even if it breaks you every single day to see him with her?"

I looked away, blinking back the fresh wave of pain. "I'll endure it. I'll endure it until his memories return… even if there's no guarantee that they ever will."

For a long moment, there was only silence. Then, without warning, Louren pulled me into an embrace.

"If I could take all your pain away, I would, Xyrine," he whispered, voice heavy with emotion.

Gently, I pulled away. "Why are you doing all of this, Louren?"

He exhaled slowly, staring into the distance. "Because… just like you, I'm also waiting to be loved by someone who loves someone else." A sad smile crossed his lips, but his eyes betrayed the ache he was trying to hide.

I turned away, guilt twisting in my chest. "I'm sorry, Louren."

He chuckled softly, shaking his head. "Come on, Xyrine. You should know me better by now. I can take on any pain, no matter how heavy, as long as it's for you. You've always been my weakness."

I looked at him, at the quiet strength in his features.

"So don't give up on Spade, okay? Because I have no intention of giving up on you."