Illusion

Nicole's pov~

It had been a few days since I walked out of the village chief's house. My dad had not come out of his emotional state since then, he still mumbled to himself and hardly paid me any mind. I had tried talking to him to snap him out of it but it was to no avail. He did not budge.

As for me, nothing in particular changed, apart from the little whispers here and there that I had been rejected by the goddess and would soon be taken to the isolation center. Life went back to normal, for others. I spent my days in solitude, Trish had tried coming over numerous times but I did not let her in and instead, stayed indoor with my dad the whole time.

I did not eat a thing for the five days I shut myself in but I had not starved to death, I felt hungry but I did not die. I was still healthy even though I was insanely hungry, any human would have passed away out of hunger but I was still here, still alive . I was definitely not human, but still, it did not mean I could believe I was a god.

If I chose to believe that I was a god, it would mean that I believed that my mother was not as loving and gentle as I had thought she was, like I saw in my memories. It would mean doubting my own memories, questioning everything she had ever done for me and I could not do that. I did not want to. I did not want to believe that she altered my memories to suit her taste. I had long since forgotten about revenge for the women who died in front of my eyes or the threat of the other monsters in the cave.

I did not hear from or see the village chief since that day, and while I was relieved about the fact, not knowing the whole story was killing me. He was obvious hiding more information, he knew more than he let on and he only told me the parts that would make me feel the way I was feeling. But I had myself to blame, I had listened to him, I had given him a chance and now my whole life was threatening to fall apart. My dad had not said a single reasonable sentence since we got home, he hardly ate. All he did was tear himsel down for not knowing how my mother's parents died and I blamed myself for his current state. I had asked him the question, I had pushed him to think even though a part of me believed that his memories had in fact been tampered with. But now, I had tampered with his mind and I did not know how to undo it.

The knock on the door drew me away from my thoughts, I did not move, I stayed perfectly still. I did not need to go to the door to see who it was, Trish had been coming around the house since the day I got back with my dad, always knocking on the door relentlessly, pleading with me to open up.

I, on the other hand, did not want her to see me in a vulnerable state. I wanted her to see me happy so I could pretend like what happened had not happened but I knew she would try to get the truth out of me the moment she saw me. I was not ready for that kind of confrontation.

The knocking continued and I stood up, but I did not go to the direction of the door. Instead, I went to my dad to check up on him. Surely enough, he was still in one corner of the room, still mumbling to himself. He had not left that position for five days, I had to feed him to keep him from starving to death, thankfully, he let me feed him without much qualms.

"Dad?" I called out to him, not really expecting a response from him, he had not said a word to me since we got home. "Dad, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, please come back to me. Please talk to me."

Still nothing but mumbles to himself.

This was my fault, I knew it. I should have just walked away the moment I managed to survive. I should not have gone on about avenging people I did not know. It was foolish, I was not a selfless person, I knew that. I should have stayed a selfish person and just be grateful I escaped the cave with my life. Trying to do a selfless thing had cost me my dad's sanity.

The knocking continued.

"Dad…" my voice broke but he did not look up once at me. It was as if he was in a trance. I did not understand how my words, my questions could have caused him to end up in this situation.

I finally left the room, defeated once again. There came the knocking again, it had not stopped, not once. She sure was persistent and there was no point keeping her out anymore. It had been five days and I was sure she was frustrated by my silence too. But I knew, deep down, that she was not going to leave. And… and maybe, I did not want her to.

I reached for the door. I had missed her and I needed someone to lean on, desperately.

I opened the door. Trish was standing behind the door, eyes widened, as if she had not expected me to open up. She stayed like that for a while, just gauging me with her eyes, not saying a word, trying to understand what had happened to me without having to ask.

"I'm so sorry you were rejected." She finally broke the silence and stepped forwards to envelope me in a tight hug. Even though the thought behind it was wrong, I was not rejected, at least not in the way she thought, I welcomed the gesture. I had missed and needed an hug for the longest time ever. I took in her smell, she smelt the same as always, like dirt. I had missed her, more than I knew, more than I had meant to.

"Let's leave." I blurted out without thinking about the consequences my words would have. And while I would rather not admit it, I had meant just me and Trish.

I had considere abandoning my father yet again without giving it a second thought. That was me, it was who I was. I always thought of myself first before any other person. Always.

Trish pulled away from me, she looked confused but at the same time, did not want to say anything to offend me.

I held her hand tightly in mine and looked into her eyes. "Let us leave, Trish. Let us leave the island."

"Nicole," she started, obviously uncomfortable, "how do you want us to leave the island? Your dad would never let us."

"I want it to be just us. Let us leave him behind. I want you to come with me."

I probably should not have said that because Trish's expression changed almost immediately to disgust.

"You want to leave him? Again?"

"I'm not going to be burdened by him all my life. I do not want that." I told her and a look of disappointment fell on her face. She frowned and shook her head slightly.

"What are you even talking about? That man is your father."

"And I don't want to be burdened by him. Being family does not mean that I should tie my life down for him. Come on, Trish. Think about it." Desperation seeped into my voice. "What does this island have to offer us. Let us leave and go far away."

"How are you even saying this with a straight face?" She counted exasperated, "I have not seen your dad in almost a week, Nicole. I have been worried sick about the both of you and now that I've seen you, you are saying this rubbish."

"Trish, please…"

"Nicole, listen to me," she looked at me, clear eyed. "I do not know what happened and I do not know if you would want to talk about it but whatever is bothering you, I want you to face it head on and not run away from it. Please. I know how easy it is to abandon everything and leave but please, not this. Don't do this to him for a second time. I'm begging you."

I stared at the unwavering determination in her eyes. She did not understand. How could she? She had not seen my father, she could not know that he was already shattered beyond repair and that it was my fault. No matter how much I tried, I would never be enough to put him back together and neither would she. I wanted to run away, away from everything, everything but Trish.

Everything had gone so terribly wrong.