Off The Record

I went to Dr. Yang's clinic again the next day. I was an emotional mess. I felt like my rib cage shrank and they were pressing down on my lungs, and my lungs were squeezing my heart tight. The little men that ran through my veins were now running back to my heart, my blow flowing in reverse. The feelings that drained out were rushing back. Memories, remorse. Remorse, and memories. 

After a long and nervous wait sitting between the crazies again - although I had an appointment and came on time as well - I was finally called into room 5.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Han. How have you been?"

I sat on the chair.

"Terrible."

"I'm sorry to hear that. You left so in a rush last time."

"Yes."

"I'm glad you came back. We were interrupted by Ms. Jin last time and didn't get to go through your test results."

Hearing Miho's name again broke me. The cheesecake was still too vivid in my mind.

Dr. Yang said nothing and just passed me a box of tissue, which I gratefully accepted. I used a lot of her tissues drying my tears and blowing my nose. Snots everywhere like a six years old with a flu.

"Are you feeling better now?"

The kind doctor asked me after I calmed down a little. 

"Miho's dead."

I uttered unprompted. 

"Is she also your friend?", then she looked at a screen as if to check our previous conversation record, and asked further. 

"Last time you said Minji. I'm terribly sorry to hear that another friend of yours died so soon."

"She wasn't my friend."

"Right."

"She was my… flatmate."

"Oh, right. So you had another flatmate."

"Another?"

"Other than Ms. Jin, I mean."

"That 'Ms. Jin' is Miho."

Dr. Yang leaned back on her chair, looked up at the ceiling for a moment and spoke, making an eye contact with me again.

"I… left her to die… right here in this building."

The doctor took off her glasses and rubbed her face with both palms, pressing her eyes for a moment before she opened them again to put her glasses back. 

"That is very sad to hear. We thought she would make it…"

Wait-,

"Make it?"

"A security personnel found her in the staircase and she was taken to hospital immediately. It was quite an incident and I was worried, but I thought…"

"She wasn't dead when they found her?"

"Not according to what I've been told on that day. I was greatly concerned. She has been my patient for a long time after all. It is truly sad, a great loss. She was a wonderful person, albeit a little… troubled."

"Thank you, Doctor."

With that, I hurried got up from my seat, picked up my bag and ran out of the room 5 again. It felt like the elevator took forever but I didn't dare to take the stairs again.

When I finally managed to get to the ground floor, I found a security personnel sitting behind the reception at the lobby. 

"Excuse me, Sir."

"Yes, Ma'am. How may I help you?"

"There was someone who got hurt in the staircase recently, do you remember her?"

I was starting to sweat in my palms. That didn't happen often. 

"Yes. It was a horrible accident."

"Is she alive?"

"I'm sorry. I was the one who found her and called the emergency service, but I don't know what happened after that."

"WAS she alive?"

"She was unconscious, but she certainly wasn't dead."

My heart started to beat, and the little men in my blood started to go mental. 

"Which hospital did they take her?"

"Nasa Hospital."

I didn't mean to be rude, but I was too in a rush to say thank you as I ran out of the building and grabbed a taxi as soon as I could. 

Once I arrived at the Nasa hospital, I went straight to the reception for the Emergency Center.

"Excuse me, Ma'am. I'm here to ask something."

"Are you looking for someone?"

"Yes, her name is Jin Miho. She came here about a week ago with a serious head injury. I need to know if she's alive."

"I'm sorry, but I can't give you patient records."

Screw procedures. 

"She's my sister. We got separated when our parents divorced when we were kids. I just heard that she was seriously hurt. Could you please check if she's OK?"

The receptionist looked a little unsure. 

"Please. I haven't seen her for years but I need to know that my sister is OK."

I squeezed out a teardrop or two. My desperation made the job a little easier. 

"Right… let me just check the record for you."

She then typed away on her computer but her answers were disappointing. 

"I'm sorry. We don't have records of anyone by that name."

Then it occurred to me. The old man called her Lin, but Dr. Yang called her Ms. Jin. There was no knowing what was her real surname. It was probably likely that she did not use her real name on any place that would leave an official record. But I was sure that Miho indeed was her real name. It was the name that she told the old man he could speak in front of me. 

"Miho. Miho is her first name. She might have changed her surname after my Mom got re-married."

"Do you know her new surname?"

"Unfortunately no. I haven't kept in touch with my Mom."

"Let me search for you with the name Miho."

It felt like an eternity as the helpful receptionist was doing me a favor, and her answer hit me like a truck.

"I have good news for you. She is alive."

"Which warden is she in?!!!"

"I'm sorry, it seems she's transferred."

"She's not here?"

"No. She transferred yesterday."

"Where to?"

"Hang on…"

So she's alive. 

Miho's alive. 

I didn't kill her.

"This is very odd."

"What is it?"

"It doesn't say where she went. She wasn't discharged but transferred. So we should have a record of where she went, but we don't. This is very odd."

"Can I see?"

I tried to reach over the counter to grab her monitor.

"I'm sorry, Ma'am. I can't let you do that."

"I need to find my sister!"

"I would like to help you, but we have no record. I must say this is very strange, but I can't see where she went."

"WHO took her?"

"I'm sorry, we don't know."

I can't give up now. 

"Which warden was she in?"

"The intensive care on the fifth floor."

"Thank you."

I didn't forget to thank this time and ran to the elevator.