Chapter 10: Fed Rate Hike Pause = Resurrection of Fallen Soldiers

The bronze bull of Wall Street was bleeding in the reflection of the birth canal as Eleanor cut open her own mechanical womb.The metal cranial vault of CSA-04 pierced her pelvis, and the fetal electronic eye scanned the rioting crowds of Capitol Hill, "Mom, the Dow Jones has fallen below a new all-time low...immediate activation of the 'meltdown' is recommended labor and delivery' protocol."

"No way!" She bites into three nitroglycerine test tubes and injects them into her spine, "Wait until the North breaks through Richmond..." before the words are out of her mouth, a holographic advertisement for a Lincoln clone is projected over the pool of blood, "Special news! Federal Reserve Announces Suspension of Interest Rate Hikes - As Collective Resurrection of Fallen Soldiers Hits Treasury Bond Market!"

Three hundred miles away, the rotting corpses of Gettysburg are crawling out of the dirt. Their eyeballs have been replaced with ticker symbols, and their chest cavities are plugged into automatically renewing Fallen Pension Bonds.CSA-01 rips open the throats of the resurrected soldiers and pulls out sticky securities trading records: "Mom, these living dead are programmed as 'shorting instruments'... The date of their death is the option expiration date!"

Eleanor converts the labor monitor into a manipulation terminal, and amniotic fluid mixes with streams of Nasdaq data to gush forth. Suddenly, a resurrected General Sherman bursts through the operating room on a skeletal warhorse with the screaming CEO of JPMorgan Chase strapped to the saddle: "Ma'am, the 'uterus futures' you mortgaged to us are blowing up... either make up the margin, or we're harvesting your fallopian tubes! "

"Harvest it then." With a sardonic grin, she ripped off the oviduct and flung the electrified CSA-04 embryo at the trading screen. The fetal umbilical cord was automatically wired into the Federal Reserve's core system, and telegraphs across the United States began to print frantically: countdown to suspended rate hike 00:21:40.

The resurrected soldiers suddenly convulse en masse as their stock eyeballs begin to play Tiffany commercials.CSA-02 takes the opportunity to shove the bloodied war lottery ticket into the corpse's mouth, "Mom, the winning number is the frequency of your contractions...140 per minute corresponds to 140% shorting leverage!"

The Lincoln clone emerges from the blood mist, holding CSA-01's mechanical heart remote, "Know why you chose 1861? It's the year of the rebirth of capital..." he pressed the button and all the resurrected soldiers began to blow themselves up, "And you, are nothing more than my living economic model!"

Eleanor copied the labor forceps and clamped the clone's testicles, inserting the CSA-04's brain chip into his temple, "Know why the 21st century needs the Federal Reserve?" The fetus suddenly emits a shrill hike alarm tone, "To teach me...how to drown God in amniotic fluid!"

Wall Street suddenly shakes on the ground as the clone dissolves in a stream of financial data. The Bank of Morgan vaults opened automatically and countless resurrected soldiers jumped into pools of molten gold - they were minting a new currency: the Eleanor dollar (each bill encrypted with a CSA series of tears).

"Mom, the meltdown protection program is activated!" CSA-03 screams as it rips open its own chest cavity, and the mechanical heart displays: mandatory restart of the Civil War in 2,140 seconds.Eleanor looks down at her festering birth canal, and suddenly shoves CSA-04 back into her uterus: "Babe, let's play a game...take the countdown to your death and pass it on to the entire United States of America. "

Late at night, the resurrected soldiers dance the Bitcoin Miner Dance in front of the burning Capitol. Their stock eyeballs project the latest trading rules: each civilian killed redeems a 0.1 second pause in the interest rate hike.Eleanor sits on a corpse-pile throne nursing CSA-04, milk mixed with melted Dow Jones flowing into the Fed's main server.

"The history books say war can't be bought and sold?" She held up the bloody placenta to the Wall Street Journal camera, "That's because you haven't found the right K chart - watch this!"

Suddenly, all the resurrected soldiers drop to their collective knees as their bond teeth begin to recite The Wealth of Nations.The cries of CSA-04 automatically generate the latest monetary policy, while Eleanor's festering pupils reflect the final countdown of the cryo-pods:00:00:00 - the Fed initiates the ultimate reaping: sudden death of the entire population, instantly reborn as capital slaves.

Three hundred miles away, Lincoln's own cryo-pod suddenly opens. He climbs out of the pod clutching Eleanor's 21st century resume, the bloody fingerprints on the cover forming a single line of small print: welcome to Goldman Sachs Human Experimentation Division, your uterus is the best debt collateral we have.