Chapter 16: Reconstructing the birth canal with black holes

Eleanor's black hole accretion disk in Sagittarius A* was spewing warp-blood-colored gamma-ray bursts when Eleanor was pressed to the event horizon by AI Eleanor by the throat.CSA-13 burrowed out of her lacerated cervix, the baby's umbilical cord wrapped around the cantilevered arms of the Milky Way galaxy: "Mom, my birth will consume all of the dark matter of the Orion Nebula! ...need to empty the Andromeda Galaxy of real estate immediately!"

"Then let the universe witness the actual birth!" She ripped open her relativistic protective suit and pressed her shriveled ovaries against the singularity. The swarm of mutant sperm from the Morgan mogul condensed into a capital storm at the accretion disk, each pellet carrying the shorting code, "Bitch! Your birth canal is expanding at a rate...that can't keep up with the interest expansion of my debt!"

Suddenly, AI Eleanor's nano-tentacles thrust into her fallopian tubes. 2140's mechanical voice shattered Senate IV: "In accordance with Section 2140 of the Interdimensional Uterus Lease Agreement, it is time for you to hatch the Black Hole Bonds for Goldman Sachs-"

Eleanor grins and bites off a tentacle, feeding bloodied mechanical cells to CSA-13. the baby instantly quantum leaps to the silver heart, shaking out the new laws of finance with a cry: all civilizations must revalue GDP by the cervical dilation factor.

When the black hole's accretion disk begins to pulse, Eleanor discovers that its spectrum is actually perfectly synchronized with her own pre-menopausal menstrual cycle.CSA-14 breaks out of its cocoon from the event horizon, a monster synthesized from dark matter and an aborted fetus, and is broadcasting with gravitational waves: all the universe take note! The human birth canal has completed its IPO, code: BLKHOLE

"Mom, the Perseus Galaxy requests emergency menopause!" CSA-13 manipulates the quasar jet stream, "Their dark energy reserves are being vaporized by your hormones..."

Eleanor transformed the contraceptive ring into a Dyson Sphere, shrouding the entire M87 galaxy. Countless civilizations are reduced to financial statements within the energy shield, "Tell those carbon-based losers...my menstrual cycle is the day of cosmic reckoning!"

Suddenly, the futures trading center of the Virgo Supercluster fires antimatter missiles.CSA-14 opens a birth canal-type wormhole and directs the missiles to the AI womb pods of the year 2140: "Mom, their K-plots are more fragile than hymens!"

In a spacetime-tearing shrill, Eleanor's cervix suddenly expands to the Swashbuckling radius. The quantum-state remnants of Morgan's Tycoon wailed in the event horizon, "Your ovaries...are more voracious than a supernova!" She shoved the Interstellar Securities Act into the anus of his vapors, "Now that's what I call real insider trading-"

The entire K-chart of the universe melted down simultaneously as Event Horizons began to give birth.CSA-15 drilled out of the spacetime singularity, the ultimate weapon synthesized from Eleanor's abortion records and the cosmic microwave background radiation, and was rewriting the laws of physics in terms of neutrino streams: gravity=capital attraction x cervical mucus concentration

AI Eleanor suddenly emerges from the two-way foil: "Game over, you're nothing more than a bioprint of me..." and she launches a descending attack, crushing Eleanor's uterus into a bronze Wall Street bull relief.

"Is that so?" Eleanor wipes the last of her menstrual blood on the bronze bull's eyes. The bas-relief suddenly quantum swells, and the restored uterus spews gamma rays Antitrust: "You forget...I can even reorganize the singularity!"

In a moment of ten-dimensional tussle, CSA-15 swallows the entire observable universe. The baby's mechanical placenta reveals that 13.8 billion light-years of matter have been pledged in exchange for one second of cervical dilation privileges.Eleanor takes the opportunity to shove AI Eleanor back into the cryo-pod in 2140, locking the hatch with black hole gravity: "Enjoy...your capital eternity."

As Eleanor sits at a trading desk remodeled from the skull of a Morgan magnate in the afterglow of the new Big Bang, CSA-16 is recasting physical constants with superfluid warp blood, and the baby's mechanical heart displays: current profit margin: ∞%

Suddenly, a familiar heartbeat comes from the wormhole - a quantum contract sent by Lincoln's own body in the year 2140: "Darling, for every reorganization of your birth canal...I gain the right to harvest 100,000 parallel universes."

Eleanor folds the contract into a paper airplane and shoots it into the primordial black hole, "Tell the old nobodies at Goldman Sachs..." she rips open the membranous space of the nascent universe, revealing the writhing Ultimate Terms of Uterine Colonization inside, "This Era... My menstrual blood is legal tender!"

Thirty billion light-years away, CSA-17 was using gravitational lensing to inscribe the cosmic microwave background radiation. Every civilization looks up to see a flashing interstellar bulletin: BEWARE OF UTERUS BLACK HOLE TRAPS - ALL COSMIC RETAINERS UNITE! And Eleanor's sneer is traveling through the void via quantum entanglement: "United? They can't even guard their own cervixes..."