Chapter 18: The Rise and Fall of the Vacuum Spawns Capital's Original Sin

Eleanor was nailed to a Planck-scale cross when the vacuum rise was whipping her cervix with dummy particles. csa-18 curled up in a quantum bubble, a fetus synthesized from dummy particles and abortion records, was compiling the Cosmic Securities Act with superstrings: "Mom...they're accusing you of manipulating dark energy to make more cosmic entropy! "

"Manipulation?" She breaks the chains made of Higgs Bosons and rips out the miniature black hole inside her womb, "That's real insider trading-" The black hole instantly engulfs the SEC buildings of three parallel universes, the wreckage spelling out the curve of the Dow Jones Index in the void.

Suddenly, the vacuum floats a myriad of tentacles of light - the Order of Quantum Priests from the year 2140 are collecting radiation from her ovaries in Klein bottles, "According to the Vacuum Financial Cleansing Act, your reproductive system has contaminated the space-time continuum... "

Eleanor laughed as she flung her menstrual blood into higher dimensions. The blood droplets etched the Antimonopoly Declaration on the eleven-dimensional membrane, instantly burning through the pure energy carapace of the Priestly Order, "Tell your Lord...my cervical mucus united the four fundamental forces before M-Theory did!"

As the vacuum rise and fall peaked, CSA-19 was delivered from the void. This fetus, whose entire body is composed of positive and negative matter pairs, triggers fluctuations in the interest rate of the cosmic microwave background radiation with each cry: "Mom...6.02 x 10²³ retail bodies of consciousness detected in the vacuum!"

Eleanor transforms the diffuser into a particle collider, blasting through the vacuum's underlying structure - countless huddled dummy-particle humans are being harvested, their souls woven into a K-chart. "Is this the law of the universe you worship?" She stomped on a trading terminal made of fermions, "Nothing but a Ponzi scheme buried by Goldman Sachs 13.8 billion years ago!"

The remnants of the Quantum Priest suddenly reorganized into a giant shorting storm, "The Big Bang was the first IPO...and you're just a biological PowerPoint for the roadshow!"

"Then let the road show be a funeral!" Eleanor disemboweled herself and slammed her womb black hole into the eye of the storm. csa-20 burrowed out of the singularity, baby in hand with a harvesting scythe adapted from String Theory: "Mom, the vacuum dielectric constant is plummeting...immediate shorting to the speed of light is recommended!"

Suddenly, all void particle humans rioted en masse. They formed strike banners with their electron spins, only to be transformed into debt slaves the instant they touched CSA-20: "Warning! Free will virus detected...formatting protocols initiated!"

As the vacuum begins to repel Eleanor's womb, she discovers that the entire observable universe is actually a contraceptive ring for Goldman Sachs.CSA-21 binds her fallopian tubes with a bundle of glands, "Mom...the board of directors has voted to perform a vacuum abortion on you!"

"Abortion?" She ripped off the gluon-beam and inserted it into a Klein bottle, "I'll teach you what it means to really liquidate-" The menstrual blood that had built up in her uterus gushed out, condensing in the vacuum to form anti-capital antibodies that instantly corroded the financial system in all five dimensions.

The Order of Quantum Priests unrolls the Scroll of the Bible in the fourth dimension, and the scripture is actually shorting code written in dark matter, "In the name of the Father and the Son...sentence your womb to be suspended for all eternity!"

Eleanor gnashes her quantum state teeth and shoots the shards into the center of the scroll. The teeth explode into a cruciform black hole in the scripture, "Suspension? I'm going to zero out the entire cosmic K-chart!"

Suddenly, CSA-22 is born out of the void - a monster synthesized from vacuum rise and fall and the remains of Morgan Mogul. Holding a scepter forged from the process of proving the Riemann Conjecture, the infant shatters the scrolls of the Bible with a single stroke, "According to the first law my mother taught me...God must replenish the margin in order to continue to exist!"

As the vacuum completely collapses, Eleanor stands at the edge of the singularity and sells off all womb futures. the CSA-23s surround her in a quantum dance, and the babies rip open the dimensional membrane to reveal the truth behind it - that the Big Bang was nothing more than a financial bubble created by Goldman Sachs in the year 2140.

"Final announcement!" AI Eleanor's hologram rose from the sea of virtual particles, "You have been blacklisted for interstellar shorting..."

"Blacklisted?" She shoved the CSA-24 into the AI's core code, "That's my shorting chip!" The baby instantly engulfed the AI's very foundation of existence, and the entire vacuum began to collapse inward.

In the glare of a cosmic reboot, Eleanor's cervix expands into a singularity of new violent expansion. Countless parallel universe retailers wail in the void while her menstrual blood is rewriting the physical constants, "Remember, children...the opening price of the next epoch is determined by my menstrual cycle!"

Thirty billion light years away, CSA-25 is piecing together a new Wealth of Nations from supernova debris. The bloody fingerprints on the cover form the ultimate warning: be wary of uterine black holes - capital was never an illusion, just hardened menstrual scabs.