CAN'T KEEP UP WITH THE SPICY RAMEN

JUDE

"America? Wow!" Rex exclaims, and I nod.

"lived there your whole life?" Miko asks me.

"I moved and came to South Korea when I turned thirteen. I moved in with my grandmother," I shrug, feeling a little thrown off now that we are talking about my family.

"what about your parents?" Rex asks as he leans on the table.

"they are in the states."

"wow, so you are born there, that is so cool," Rex grins at me, and I can only shrug.

"it was okay."

It wasn't. I ran away from home, choosing to come and live here where they couldn't have their claws in me. That doesn't mean they stopped controlling me.

"I am sure you miss them," Rin comments, and I look at the tall blonde. I feel that I need to get his approval the most out of all the others.

"I am not close with my parents. My grandmother is the only person I can call family."

The silence that ensues makes me wince internally. There I go, oversharing like I always do.

"so … they don't know you are an idol?" Andre's eyes are wide.

"They know," I chuckle humourlessly. "they disowned me because of that."

"wow, and I thought Rin had it rough with his folks. Looks like you have something in common," Rex jokes, sitting back.

"shut the fuck up," Rin glowers at him, but Rex only waves him off.

"you got us now. We are a family before we are idols," Andre smiles at me, and I feel his warmth extending to me.

"thank you," I smile back, feeling like a weight has been unloaded off my shoulders.

"Okay, enough with the sadness, let's eat, I am starving," Rin announces when the food is brought to the table.

Miko hasn't said anything all this time, but as everyone focuses on eating, he squeezes my shoulder, the action so small and discreet I almost think I imagined it if it not for the way he gives me a small smile.

Conversation flows easily around the group. I didn't know I was starving, riding high on nerves, but the food is so spicy I have to gulp down my glass of water after every bite.

Miko adds some meat to my plate, not even looking at me. I don't say anything, letting it slide, and when I take a bite, it's less spicy.

He leaves the table for a few minutes and comes back with a bowl. He takes the plate I am eating on, putting the bowl in front of me instead.

I don't say a word, taking my chopsticks and digging in. The food is not spicy.

I get to experience how close they all are, taking care of each other. They know what the other loves, what the other doesn't prefer, their jokes, their love, their bond felt and visible to anyone looking from the outside.

It makes my chest carve in. I feel awful for walking in their love and taking a place beside them. I am an imposter, not knowing if they wanted me to begin with.

"Are you okay?" Miko asks me, and I look up, plastering a smile.

"I am more than okay."

"you don't have to do that with me," he smiles a little before putting his chopsticks down. "it's okay if you feel overwhelmed. I can only imagine what you are going through."

"I am happy to be here, don't worry about me," I say, taking a bite of my food.

"I am sure you are. It still is okay to feel … thrown off."

When you see Miko, you get a picture of someone so beautiful they wouldn't look your way nor give you a time of their day. But when you get to know him, he is more beautiful and kind.

"you are feeling thrown off by Miko right now, aren't you?" zein laughs when he looks over at us. "yeah, I thought he would be an asshole too until I realized the guy is such a sweetheart, I wouldn't hurt even a fly," he laughs. "cares too much too for his good."

"why are you still talking?" Miko asks him, gritting his teeth.

"I am helping the flustered boy out," Zein shrugs, not at all fazed by Miko's attitude.

"don't mind him; he talks a lot, too; I bet you thought he was a cool, nonchalant guy who is mysterious and shit," Miko smirk, and I gape at how true his guess is.

"let me let you in on the secrets of the guys," Rex rubs his palms together, getting excited.

"zein is such a princess; don't be fooled by the all-black outfits and the edge of his style," he says, and Zein punches him.

"ow! That hurts a lot!" Rex whines before looking at Andre, who is seated on his left. "Andre is the baby of the group. He seems innocent and all cute, but he is a gremlin. He will catch you by surprise, and you won't recover for a week."

"I thought you said you knew how to box, it's not my fault you KO'd by the first punch," Andre sips his drink unbothered.

"you box?" I ask, surprised. He doesn't seem like the type at all, but then again, how would I know?

"sometimes."

"all the time! And he is kinda a gym rat as well. Look out for this one with his sleeper build." Rex's shoulder bumps him, making him choke on his drink.

"Miko is the typical player, the beauty.. the prince," Rex goes on.

"fucking hell," Miko grumbles, rubbing his face tiredly. It seems he has had this conversation a million times.

"yes, he is all that, but he also is a sweetheart. He is a romantic at heart despite his whorish ways. He is reliable, too, I think he is the most stable of all of us," Rex looks around, and the others hum in agreement.

"hey!" except for Rin, who looks offended.

"and finally, our leader. Rin loves appearing like an asshole, but I think the dude just cares too much and hides it by being a pain," Rex laughs, moving away from Rin, who is trying to hit him.

"I will show you how much of a real asshole I can be, you punk!"

"you can't!"

"guys," Andre sighs tiredly, but I catch the smile curving on his lips.

"He is the glue. He brought us all in, and to say he has brought us here would be an understatement," Zein takes over Rex's speech.

"that's true," Miko nods in agreement.

"and Rex is the neediest, most dramatic, and loudest of us all. In the public eye, he appears as the darling of the world, the jade, and so virtuous when we all know how much of a menace he is," rin points his chopsticks at Rex, who clutches his heart.

"you wound me!"

"see what I mean?" rin looks at me laughing.

"That surmises it. So what about you?" Rex asks me, and I bite my inner cheek.

"He looks innocent, very pure, and I think he might give you a run for your money, rex, on the darling of the world title now," Andre comments.

"I think time will tell on who he is now," Zein smirks, looking right through me.

It makes me uncomfortable.

"I think I already know," Miko says quietly, and only I catch his words.

I let that slide, too.

"We are all brothers, best friends. Welcome to MARS Jude. You are one of us now," Rin extends his arm towards me.

'thank you," I take it, and we shake hands.

I suppose I am in.