Chapter 45 : It Wasn't Easy From The Beginning 1
Humans are creatures of conflict.
Conflict is an inevitable aspect of intelligent beings that form societies and groups.
Because of conflict, humans compete, fight, and ultimately advance.
Even in the year 2088, during the Hunter Era, the society in which humans live doesn't seem all that different from the 2020s, when I lived.
'No matter how much things change… in the end, places where people live are all the same.'
The empire of the "previous world" I lived in after the First Great Rift was like that too.
No matter how much I was the right-hand of the Empress, the original power-holders weren't going to say anything good about a Saintess of the Dead who had suddenly fallen from the sky.
Thanks to that, Menelapie had quite the headache.
If they were nobles who colluded with the Demon King's army or committed corruption, then it would've been simple enough to dispose of them, but there were quite a few nobles who were clean even when we dug into them, or those indispensable for running the empire, who hated me, the outsider, deeply.
It was only after I killed the Demon King that those hostile gazes faded.
Of course, I didn't expect everything to go smoothly or life to be easy just because I had returned to the modern world.
I knew better than anyone how outsiders were treated, so I understood that if I wanted to be recognized and settle in as part of this world, I'd need to gather many people who acknowledged me.
But creating truly loyal "allies" wasn't something easy to achieve.
Finding people who would stand by me and affirm my existence… that might take a miracle.
Fortunately, I've been lucky.
In the previous world, I met Menelapie and Teresa.
Now, I have Yeonhwa and Yeonseo.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Just. Because Bingu is pretty?"
"It's not Bingu. When will you finally call me 'Icicle Nine'? I've officially received my Hunter name too!"
"But… Bingu is easier."
"…Sigh."
Yeonhwa glared at me with narrowed eyes as she paused from grilling the meat.
She probably thought I was joking.
"…And even if Unnie calls me pretty, it only feels like flattery."
"When there are two different kinds of flowers, even if one is more beautiful, that doesn't mean the other isn't pretty. Each has its own beauty."
For the record, that line was from Menelapie.
"In the end, you're just saying that the prettier flower stands out more."
"They're more beautiful together."
At my words, Yeonhwa's hands paused for a moment while grilling the meat.
"A flower is more beautiful together with others, rather than standing out on its own. Don't overthink it. I'm just saying I find you pretty."
"…"
"Look at that. You're grilling the meat perfectly, Bingu."
For the record, I realized this body was pretty and seductive about 60 years ago, so there's no need to deny it anymore.
Personally, I think Menelapie and Teresa are prettier than me, but that doesn't mean Yeonhwa is lacking in any way.
If I had to compare her to a flower, she'd be a forget-me-not.
Delicate, shadowed by something unseen, yet unyielding.
In fact, most people look pretty to me.
By the way, we're back at that barbecue restaurant in Hapjeong that we went to last time.
On the day I returned, I had no money and no income, so I had no choice but to let Yeonseo treat me, but this time, I decided to treat them.
To satisfy my appetite, I needed to come to a place that could serve large portions, but it wouldn't have been appropriate to take Yeonhwa to a blood sausage stew place, would it?
For the record, in the previous world, I once went on a date—well, more like an outing—with Menelapie, and on that first day, I made her a soup similar to this world's gukbap. I ended up getting my skull cracked for it.
The Empress wasn't someone who got upset easily, but when she did, it was extremely hard to calm her down.
Now, I have the insight to realize how deeply I had disappointed Menelapie back then, but at the time, I was really lacking in awareness.
"But, Unnie… are you really… okay?"
"Of course, I am."
Yeonhwa acted like it was her fault that I was targeted by malicious netizens and trolls from the Hunter Gallery.
In reality, Yeonhwa hadn't done anything wrong, but she probably felt a sense of responsibility because she had recommended I start streaming.
"You must have seen a lot of unpleasant things today…"
Yeonhwa sighed softly, glancing at me.
Well, I've experienced many times how humans can be jealous and envious, hating others for no clear reason.
This is just another case of that, isn't it?
Of course, the fact that I almost devoured a person isn't something to overlook.
If—by some slim chance—I cross that line again, something truly horrific might happen.
But in the end, didn't everything turn out fine?
Even that prank streamer paid the price, didn't he?
Whether he paid the price or not, I don't really care.
We apologized to each other, and now that prank streamer and I have no connection.
Whether he dies or suffers, it's none of my business.
If I happen to see him hurt or in pain, I'd be willing to heal him, but… if he's out of sight, that's the end of it.
"If anyone saw something unpleasant, it was probably you, Bingu."
"….So, you knew?"
"Who knows? I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Okay, I'll let it go at that."
"Haha, I've lived as a saintess for 60 years. Seriously, it's nothing to worry about."
Though I enjoy luxurious food, I prefer places that serve good food in large portions.
Even if I earned hundreds of billions of won and moved into a house bigger than the Returnee Shelter, I'd prioritize the kitchen and dining space over the living area.
And if I hired a chef, I'd probably choose a seasoned cook from a gukbap shop or a school cafeteria nutritionist over a Michelin-starred chef.
In that sense, I was truly happy by Menelapie's side.
Not only did they cater to my preferences, but I could also eat as much as I wanted in the palace dining hall until I was full.
"So, how do you feel about streaming?"
"I already told you. I truly, genuinely enjoy it and feel happy."
That was sincere.
It wasn't about enduring as a saintess. Streaming, sharing meals with people, and easing my loneliness made me truly happy.
Yeonhwa nodded at my words and placed some meat on my plate.
"Thanks. Hehe, it looks delicious."
"Unnie… How did you become so strong?"
"Me?"
Now that I think about it, Yeonhwa was always interested in strength.
I have ears and eyes.
Even considering that Yeonhwa is Yeonseo Grandma's granddaughter, it's known that she has spilled more blood and made more effort than her peers in the Hunter Academy or other Hunters her age.
She's practically addicted to going in and out of dungeons.
"I want to become stronger. Stronger than Grandma."
"You're already plenty strong."
"Unnie, do you know about my older sister?"
"Your sister? Yeonhwa, you have a sister? This is the first I've heard of it…"
"It's something only a few people know. My sister hid the fact that she was Yeonseo Grandma's granddaughter and became a Hunter in secret."
Yeonhwa sighed briefly and looked at me directly.
Her eyes carried a weight I hadn't noticed before.
I'd come here intending to relax and eat, but it seems the mood has shifted.
I put the meat I was about to eat back onto the plate.
"When I was five… no, even younger, during the Second Great Rift, my sister Yeona and I fell into a Gate Dungeon."
"A Gate Dungeon… that's the one where you can't escape until you defeat the boss monster, right?"
"Yes. If Yeona had been alone, she could've found a way to survive, but she fought until she was covered in blood to protect me. She even gave me what little food and water we had. The dungeon was a desert, so she must've been exhausted and dehydrated…"
As the memories resurfaced, a shadow darkened Yeonhwa's face.
Yeonhwa is 21 now.
When I was 21… What was I doing then?
Oh, right. I got caught up in the Great Rift and was thrown into the previous world, becoming the Saintess of the Dead…
Compared to me, Yeonhwa is far more impressive, yet she still feels inadequate.
"In the end, I survived thanks to my sister's sacrifice. Since then, I've always wanted to be stronger. Strong enough to survive on my own, without relying on anyone."
"But you're already strong, aren't you? At 21, I'd barely been discharged from the military. You've become an A-rank Hunter recognized by the government. You have a much brighter future than someone like me."
"Uh… discharged? Wait, Unnie, you were in the military? Oh, right, you did say you were originally a man."
"If it's uncomfortable, you can still call me oppa."
"…Well, after living as a woman for over 60 years, I guess I should see you as one, huh?"
"Pfft, call me whatever's comfortable."
Yeonhwa coughed awkwardly, her face slightly flushed.
It seems she suddenly remembered that I used to be a man.
But since she still calls me 'Unnie,' I guess calling me 'Oppa' in this body would be a bit of a stretch.
"Ahem, anyway… after watching you, Unnie, I've started to change my thinking a bit."
Looks like this calls for a drink rather than meat.
I wonder what's so impressive about me that it made her change her perspective.
"It's partly personal curiosity, but I'm curious how you survived in the previous world and became so strong. I saw you take down a Centipededragon in one hit on your stream."
"It's not that interesting of a story."
Well, her eyes were already shining, so sharing a bit of my boring past wouldn't hurt.
"Bingu, you said I looked strong, right?"
"Yes."
"As of now, I probably am… maybe even beyond S-rank by Hunter standards."
But that's just the present.
"I might have mentioned this during the Returnee Bureau's ethical review… but from the moment I was caught in the First Great Rift and became the Saintess of the Dead in the previous world, I've been strong."
"From the beginning?"
"Yeah. Just swinging my fist lightly could shatter the ground, crush trees. Even though I'd never learned them, my body remembered how to use miracles and holy power. Aside from needing to devour malevolent energy, my body felt perfect."
Well, back when I first became the Saintess of the Dead and couldn't face people for a year due to hunger, I had to let go of most positive and happy thoughts…
"So you were strong from the start…"
"No. I was a complete idiot."
"…What?"
Yeonhwa tilted her head in confusion at my sudden self-deprecating remark.
I suppose it must seem strange.
I just said I was strong from the moment I became the Saintess of the Dead, and now I'm calling myself an idiot.
"Yeonhwa, imagine a 21-year-old who has never fought in a real battle, suddenly becoming the Saintess of the Dead. Would they go around healing people with miracles, or hunt down the Demon King's army? Would they be able to use that power effectively, despite having done nothing to earn it?"
"…That's a tough question."
Yeonhwa was probably born with awakened abilities, so it would be hard for her to imagine.
"For a year, I isolated myself in a forest, avoiding people. Half out of my mind from hunger, I devoured the Titan of Wrath, Atalyd, and that's how I met the Empress of the empire, Menelapie."
"Yes, I think I heard that during the ethics review."
"And Menelapie extended her hand to me, asking to join forces and defeat the Demon King. What do you think I said?"
"Obviously, you took her hand and fought against the Demon King with her, right? Didn't they say during the ethics review that Shia Unnie, Menelapie, and Teresa defeated the Demon King together?"
"That's just the result after decades had passed."
I narrowed my eyes and smiled.
Back then, I was more than just a cringe-worthy disaster.
I was something far more pathetic and terrifying.
"I rejected the hand Menelapie offered to defeat the Demon King together."
"…What? Why?"
"Because I was scared."
That's why I called myself a complete idiot.
Even though I'd lost my mind and devoured the Titan of Wrath, Atalyd… that only happened because I'd lost control.
Even when I lived in a cabin in the forest, I hesitated to attack deer, despite the hunger driving me to devour them. I missed my chance countless times.
It wasn't because I was inherently kind or valued life.
I was just miserably weak, cowardly, and disgustingly afraid.
"Even though I had power, even though I was the Saintess of the Dead, I was still just an idiot too scared to eat people. Even though I had the strength to defeat the Demon King and his army, I convinced myself that it wasn't really my power, that I had never experienced war, and I ran away from Menelapie's offer. No, I didn't just reject it—I ran like a coward."
"…"
"How about that? Doesn't it sound truly pathetic?"
"Yes."
A bitter laugh escaped me.
Feeling sorry for yourself and having someone else confirm you're pathetic feels different.
"But I can understand."
"You do?"
"I've heard there were no awakened people or Hunters before the Great Rift. For someone like you, who lived in such a world, it's probably natural to be afraid of joining a war and killing things. I think it's pathetic, but… I can understand."
"How are we the same?"
"Because I was young and scared, I let my sister die. In the end, we're the same."
"Haha, being in the same situation, huh? That's funny."
At my laughter, Yeonhwa smiled as if trying to comfort me.
Our circumstances were different. Our situations weren't the same at all… but the fact that we both deeply regretted our past made us quite alike.
Though I was smiling, I had lost my appetite for the meat.
"But, Menelapie understood me. She told me it was okay to be scared. That I didn't have to fight. She said it was fine if I went to live in a quiet village and spent the rest of my life there. And I, like the pathetic coward I was, happily agreed and went to live in a quiet, peaceful village. Once a month, I received food wagons sent by Menelapie, and for about a year, I lived comfortably."
"A year?"
"…Yeah, exactly one year."
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Empire Year 927, December 9th
"Your Majesty, thank you so much…"
"Ah, didn't I tell you? You're not of this world, so you don't need to speak so formally."
"…Menelapie. Thank you…"
"Yes, yes. There's no need to apologize. You came from a world without war, so I understand your decision."
"...…"
"Don't make that face. I gave you a choice from the start. You just wanted to avoid fighting. Fearing war and combat is a natural human reaction."
With her head bowed, Shia couldn't muster the courage to properly look Menelapie in the eye.
She knew that running away despite having power was pathetic and disgraceful, but Shia had lived a normal life, never having experienced war or combat.
Even if someone suddenly told her to kill the Demon King, fear was still fear. And with that dreadful hunger threatening to return at any moment, going to war was out of the question.
"I respect your decision. Personally, I'm disappointed, but I have no intention of blaming or shaming you."
"…Thank you."
"Haha, well then, let me leave you with a task."
"A task?"
The Empress handed Shia a small orb.
It was just the right size to fit in her hand and convenient enough to slip into her pocket.
"I had the Imperial Mage work on this as a favor."
"What is it…?"
"I don't really understand the principles, but it's called a magic communication orb."
"Oh…"
Shia's eyes widened at the thought that communication could be possible over long distances, just like with a cell phone, even in this world.
Come to think of it, she had seen something similar in the imperial office Menelapie had shown her.
Other officials and administrators had similar devices on their desks.
"With this, once a day, report to me. Tell me how you've been, what you did today, what you ate at mealtime, and who you talked to. I won't always be able to listen to your messages."
"All of that…?"
"No, of course not. I mean to say that even trivial things are fine."
"Why… are you doing this?"
"I need to know that you're safe and living comfortably, don't I?"
Shia didn't understand.
Why was she so concerned about a cowardly Saintess of the Dead who had run away from the war?
I'm not that valuable of a person…
"Judging by your expression, I can guess what you're thinking."
Kneeling down on one knee, as if making an offering, Menelapie's smile looked so warm in Shia's eyes.
Which made her feel even more sorry.
She felt sorry for rejecting Menelapie's offer. She felt sorry for being a coward.
"…I'm sorry… I mean, thank you."
"It was I who dragged you out from the forest where you were living peacefully. I should take some responsibility, don't you think?"
"...…"
"Don't think too deeply about it. Whether you have something to report or not, whether something interesting happens or not, it doesn't matter."
With those words, Menelapie returned to the imperial capital, and Shia was able to settle in a quiet village near a wide pasture, not too far from the capital.
The village carpenters, likely under Menelapie's orders, built Shia a nice house.
The village wasn't bustling like the capital, and Shia found it quite peaceful.
Even though she had vowed not to eat people, she couldn't be sure that she could control her impulses when faced with large crowds.
Thus, Shia easily settled into the village.
It was a good village.
Once a week, a food wagon from Menelapie's palace filled Shia's pantry, and the villagers were peaceful and kind.
They treated the outsider, Shia, with kindness, and when there was a festival in the nearby village, they took her along to drink together.
At those festivals, Shia discovered that her body was incredibly resistant to alcohol, as if she never got drunk.
Anyway, from that point on, Shia regularly sent reports or diary-like messages to Menelapie through the communication orb.
Even though they weren't particularly noteworthy.
[Empire Year 928, January 20th]
Hello, Menelapie.
I was supposed to send a report, but I forgot.
I've been busy greeting people ever since I settled in the village.
There's nothing special to report.
I only just found out today that the village is called Flect Village.
The village chief here is really kind.
This village has wide pastures, so they raise a lot of cows and dairy cattle, and their specialties are meat and cheese.
Since I'm a newcomer, the villagers held a festival to welcome me.
It felt pretty… nice.
Maybe it's because I haven't been surrounded by people in a year…
I wasn't even hungry. I didn't feel any urge to eat anyone, not even once.
[Empire Year 928, February 12th]
Long live the Emperor!
May His Majesty reign forever!
Hehe! I drank today, Menelapie!
I drank four barrels of something—rum, I think?—and the sky started spinning, haha!
Fortunately, I didn't throw up!
It's the first time I've experienced something like this since becoming the Saintess of the Dead! Heeheehee.
Have you ever drunk alcohol?
I'm curious how the Emperor would behave when drunk.
Let's drink together if we ever get the chance.
I'm sleepy, so I'll go to bed now! That's it for today!
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[Empire Year 928, March 3rd]
Sorry about that strange message from before. Please stop teasing me…
Today, I healed Grandma Soltar's knee over the hill.
Somehow, word spread that I had healing abilities, and I was worried people would treat me like a monster, but instead, they were happy.
Are they planning to overwork me as a free healer?
[Empire Year 928, March 10th]
Menelapie, I was wrong!
Rather than overworking me, the villagers were so happy that I healed Grandma Soltar's knee that they held another grand festival in my honor.
I really like festivals.
There's lots of food, and even though I eat until I'm full, no one minds.
In fact, they seem to like it.
They said a young lady like me should eat more,
That I have a good appetite,
That my arms were too thin, and they kept stuffing meat into my mouth.
Now I feel like I should do something for them in return…
Hmm, maybe I should use my healing abilities to help the villagers.
[Empire Year 928, April 30th]
Today, I finished healing all the villagers, then treated the lord's soldiers at the nearby castle as well.
Luckily, they were all healed perfectly.
The people I healed insisted on giving me some kind of gift, so I had to run away as fast as I could.
It's strange.
I'm the one who received more from them, and it's only natural that I help since they accepted me, but they keep clinging to me. It's a bit overwhelming.
[Empire Year 928, May 19th]
Are you okay, Menelapie?
I keep hearing reports that the Demon King's army is appearing more frequently.
We're in a village in the rear of the imperial capital, so they say there's no risk of an attack from the Demon King's forces.
I hope that's true.
On a brighter note, milk production from the dairy cattle has increased.
Now, I'm helping the villagers milk the cows and carry heavy loads.
The elders say the village wouldn't function without me.
One of the grandmothers tried to introduce her grandson to me, but, uh… I don't think that's going to work.
Even though I was originally a man in the other world, I still prefer being a woman.
Sorry, I ended up saying something strange.
[Empire Year 928, July 21st]
The weather has gotten much hotter.
Menelapie, every night here, the cicadas and crickets sound like they're putting on a concert.
It's nice, but sometimes it's also scary.
Every now and then, all the sounds of the insects just stop.
The village chief says it's because some beast, demon, or magical creature is approaching, scaring the insects into silence.
Ugh, it's made it impossible to sleep.
I've never seen a demon before, but I bet they look terrifying.
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[Empire Year 928, August 30th]
Menelapie, I've heard the situation at the front lines has worsened.
They say the Demon King's army is gradually pushing back the imperial forces.
Are you really busy? Lately, it's been hard to get a response from you.
I've heard that the front lines keep losing battles and getting pushed back by the Demon King's forces wherever you're not.
It sounds like you're basically holding the front by yourself…
Hey, if you need help… just let me know?
I can't fight, but I can at least heal people…
[Empire Year 928, October 28th]
I'm sorry, Menelapie
. I'm sorry, Menelapie. I'm sorry, Menelapie. I'm sorry, Menelapie. I'm sorry, Menelapie. I'm sorry, Menelapie. I'm sorry, Menelapie. I'm sorry, Menelapie. I'm sorry, Menelapie. I'm sorry, Menelapie. I'm sorry, Menelapie. I'm sorry, Menelapie. I'm sorry, Menelapie. I'm sorry, Menelapie. I'm sorry, Menelapie. I'm sorry, Menelapie. I'm sorry, Menelapie. I'm sorry, Menelapie.
I healed a wounded soldier, but I accidentally licked the blood.
I'm really sorry. I'm really, really sorry.
Please apologize to the soldier for me.
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[Empire Year 928, November 8th]
…I don't know why that soldier called it a reward.
But I'm really glad he wasn't angry.
If there's something off with his wound, please tell him I'll heal him again.
Oh, today the first snow fell.
With the snow piling up in Flect Village, the place looks like a winter wonderland straight out of a fairy tale.
We've brought the cows back into the barn and started preparing for winter.
But today, there's been a strange smell in the village.
The villagers say they don't smell anything, but I can catch a weird, fishy, and sickening smell on the wind.
No one else can smell it. Is it just me…?
[Empire Year 928, December 1st]
December 5th, which is coming up soon, is my birthday.
I don't know when my birthday as the Saintess of the Dead is, but at least in my previous world, that's when I was born.
My mother said I was born at noon on a snowy day.
Somehow, I ended up mentioning that story while talking to the villagers in Flect, and now they're planning to throw a festival for my birthday.
Flect Village is oddly fond of festivals, and they sure love making a big fuss.
Of course, I enjoy the festivities, and there's always plenty of food, so it's not bad.
So, I've decided to climb the mountain.
There's a rare thing called the Glasque Mushroom that grows in the mountains near Flect Village.
I'm not sure what it's used for, but they say it could make the festival for my birthday even more abundant.
The elders would either slip off a cliff or painfully climb the treacherous mountains, so I decided to go and fetch the mushrooms myself.
Hmm, I wonder if you're busy, Menelapie?
If you can come, it'd be nice… but you're the Emperor. You must have a lot to do, right?
I've heard the northern front is incredibly fierce right now, far away from here.
If you get hurt… I'll heal you again.
Or should I come to you instead?
I'll wait for your reply.
[Empire Year 928, December 4th]
After wandering the mountains for several days looking for mushrooms, I realized that my body is much tougher than I thought.
I accidentally fell off a cliff, but even from that height, I wasn't hurt at all.
But because I fell off the cliff and got lost, it's going to take me longer to return to the village.
As long as I get back before my birthday festival, it'll be fine.
I should arrive by dawn tomorrow at the latest.
But why do I keep smelling that awful, fishy scent in the air?
Isn't mountain air supposed to be fresh?
[Empire Year 928, December 5th]
Sigh, hiking through the mountains all night is really exhausting.
It's not that my body is tired.
I feel mentally exhausted.
Thankfully, I could see the village clearly in the distance, even in the dark.
The lights were shining so brightly, even in the middle of the night…
Wait, fire…?
[Empire Year 928, December 5th]
Menelapie, help me.
[Empire Year 928, December 5th]
Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.
[Empire Year 928, December 5th]
Menelapie, please, please.
Help me.
Come quickly.
Help me.
Help me.
[Empire Year 928, December 5th]
Menelapie, please help me.
Help me.
Save the people.
Everyone is dying.
They're burning.
What is that? What is that thing?
Why. Why here?
Is that the Demon King's army?
Menelapie, please help me. Come quickly.
[Empire Year 928, December 5th]
Please… Menelapie.
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