Chapter 46 : It Wasn't Easy From The Beginning 2

Yeonhwa's expression momentarily stiffened as she listened to my story.

It was only for a brief moment, but it seemed like something didn't quite sit right with her.

Was I not good at telling stories? But everyone always said my voice was nice…

"Unnie…"

"Hmm?"

"Doesn't the situation seem strange no matter how you look at it?"

"What situation?"

From Yeonhwa's perspective, it was reasonable to feel that something was off.

During the brief time Shia had been isolated on the mountain, the Demon King's army had attacked, and everyone in the village except for Shia was assaulted.

Although there was no evidence, Yeonhwa couldn't shake the suspicion that the Empress had somehow orchestrated the whole thing.

However, to openly say the Empress seemed suspicious was difficult, especially since Shia often mentioned how much she missed Menelapie.

Or perhaps, when Shia said she missed her, she was secretly sharpening a blade of revenge, waiting to kill her when they met again?

"The timing is too strange. Just when Unnie was isolated, the Demon King's army attacked the village. And the Empress too…"

"Just listen. The story isn't over yet."

○○○

Under the Empress's arrangement, Shia lived comfortably for nearly a year.

The villagers were kind.

They didn't reject Shia for being a stranger.

In return, Shia performed miracles of healing for the villagers or helped with heavy labor, living happily among them.

After arriving in this world, Shia was truly happy just to walk side by side with people.

She lived in happiness, unaware that she needed to consume malevolent energy.

"…Ah…."

But happiness, like fire, turned to ash. Unlike her strong, resilient body as the Saintess of the Dead, the happiness Shia shared with this world was too fragile.

That day, Shia saw the Demon King's army for the first time with her own eyes, fully conscious.

[Grrr…]

[Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill.]

[Lord Agui is hungry!]

[Kill them all! Whatever's left after offering to Lord Agui will be ours!]

These were the same people who had walked with her in the market not long ago.

The same people who had made mushroom soup and shared it with her.

The old man who boasted about his grandson joining the knights.

The girl who grew the prettiest flowers in the village.

The woman who ran the livestock farm.

The grandmother who would wake Shia up before noon when she slept in.

The village boys who secretly had a crush on Shia.

The village women who were envious of Shia's large chest.

A few of them had even confessed their feelings to her, though she had turned them down.

But even so, they had all lived happily together with Shia in the same village.

"A…uh…aaaah…!"

For the first time, Shia saw how easily human flesh could be torn apart.

She saw how human bones were structured.

She saw how muscles really did stretch like fibers.

She learned that the smell of human blood was surprisingly sweet.

"Ugh, uuuugh…!"

At the burning entrance to the village, Shia collapsed, retching.

Where was Menelapie?

She had said to call for help if Shia ever needed it.

Why wasn't she coming?

Where was she?

Help me. Please, help me.

There might still be people alive…!

'What if Menelapie can't help? Just a few days ago, I heard that the northern front was dangerous, and Menelapie had to be on the front lines…'

If Menelapie couldn't come, then what should I do?

Do I have to do it?

I…I'm the only one here with power.

There's something that's not even human, a Saintess of the Dead…

'Ugh…that…'

But Shia was scared.

She was still terrified.

Nearly two years had passed since she arrived in this world. It had been a year since she had settled in this village.

Yet, Shia was still afraid.

Even though there might still be survivors, even though she was the only one who could save them now, Shia held her breath and cried at the village entrance.

And the Demon King's army left.

Why had they come to this village?

Was it just for looting?

Or were they like a special detachment?

But such trivial questions didn't even cross Shia's mind.

Shia walked through the village, which had been turned to ashes, completely burned.

The bodies of the villagers were scattered across the ground, grotesquely mutilated and discarded like trash.

Some of the Demon King's soldiers had eaten the villagers on the spot, and the leftovers were wrapped up in bundles and taken with them.

"A-ah…guys…? Hello? Is there anyone…ugh…"

She was weak.

The weakness of her own self made her nauseous.

Isn't there a saying that all the unfairness in this world comes from one's own weakness? Ah, yes, that saying is right a hundred times over.

Shia kept walking aimlessly until she reached what used to be the village square.

The sculpture of the fountain, once the work of a skilled craftsman, was shattered into pieces.

The fountain, which had once spouted clean water, was now stained a deep red, filled with the blood of who knows how many people.

"Grandma Wiji… Angkuran… Grandfather Sanagi…? Are you not here?"

She went to the village hall.

No one was there.

Only blood remained.

Traces of what the Demon King's army had partially eaten were scattered everywhere.

Ah, everything is so red.

There was so much blood in a human body.

"…Is there… really no one left?"

Ah, ugh…

I feel like I'm going to vomit.

Even though my stomach is empty, I feel nauseous. I feel like I'm going to throw up.

"…Ha, ha…ah…uuugh…aaah…Menelapie…where are you…why aren't you coming…"

And so, Shia collapsed.

On top of the burned ashes.

On top of the pools of blood.

On top of the bodies of those she couldn't protect.

Shia blamed and hated herself.

Pathetic girl.

A coward, even with power.

Useless wretch.

Are you okay with being the only one to survive?

Ah, you stupid girl.

You idiot.

You damn fool.

How much did she hate and loathe herself?

In the distance, the sound of hooves reached her ears.

The ground trembled with the rhythmic thudding of hoofbeats.

Had they hurried?

The horse's breathing was rough.

There were other people outside the village, but only one person was running toward her.

"...Shia…?"

"...…"

It was Menelapie.

It had been a long time.

Since she had gone to the northern front, it had been so long.

Was she badly injured?

Her once brilliant blonde hair was now stained with blood.

Her face looked exhausted.

Her armor and cloak were tattered, as if they had been slashed by a sword or something else.

But none of that mattered to me in the slightest.

Menelapie approached and wrapped her arm around my shoulder, as if to comfort me as I sat slumped on the ground.

"….Everyone's dead."

"…I see."

SMAACK!!

With those words, my fist struck Menelapie's face.

"Kuh, ugh…!"

"Why did you only come now?"

My eyes were bloodshot.

Was it anger, sadness, or self-hatred?

Probably all of them.

I was a coward who couldn't even muster the courage to protect the villagers.

Yet, here I was, recklessly swinging my fists at Menelapie, who had treated me kindly and made me feel at ease. What kind of wretched woman was I?

"….Everyone's dead. I asked for your help, but you didn't come."

"….Shia."

"Why didn't you come? You said that the Demon King's army would never reach here because this village is behind the Imperial capital. Why did everyone die? Why did they have to die?"

Straddling her, I glared at Menelapie with an expression that blurred the line between laughing and crying.

I wanted to lose consciousness. But the soul of the Saintess of the Dead was too strong to faint over something like this.

"Ah, right. I…I asked for your help, but you only came now… Did you do it on purpose?"

Looking into Menelapie's face, I sobbed and laughed.

Had I finally found someone to blame?

"Yes, yes..! Now it all makes sense! Now it all makes sense!!!!"

With one hand gripping her neck, I poured all my resentment onto Menelapie.

I finally had someone to blame.

It was because of this woman.

Yes, this Empress, she was behind it all.

"That's it, right? You did this because I'm such a useless coward?"

It was as if my delusions had become reality, and I laughed.

"In order to fix this rotten mind of mine and catch the Demon King's army, sacrificing a village is no big deal, right? You're the Empress, after all! You're a ruler, so destroying one village to fix my broken mind wouldn't be anything, right!"

With a distorted expression, I stared into Menelapie's face, as if daring her to answer.

Menelapie frowned and spat out her words as if they were poison.

"Yes, I did it on purpose."

"...…"

Something was wrong.

"So, what changed?"

Something was wrong.

Everything she said made sense.

"You were weak. You gave up trying to protect the villagers. You saw the attack and hid because you were too scared, you coward."

Everything she said was true, but why did it sound different?

"Shia, just like you said, if I could gain a strategic weapon like you, someone foretold in prophecy, by sacrificing one village… then it would be a good deal."

○○○○○○○

"That makes her a total f***ing b***h!"

"…Haha, does it seem that way?"

Yeonhwa stood up abruptly, as if determined to express the anger Shia couldn't, and shouted.

I could see a faint frost emanating from her shoulders. She must have lost control of her emotions again.

"I don't know much about the world you lived in, Unnie, but the Empress is a ruler, right? In dramas and movies, it's common for rulers to plot devious schemes or be involved in shady dealings! Yes! Now it makes sense that the village, which was behind the capital, was attacked. The Empress thought you were a coward. She probably sacrificed the village on purpose to turn you into some kind of weapon…!"

"Bingu, want to try telling a lie?"

"..What?"

What was she saying all of a sudden?

When Shia spoke in her soft voice, Yeonhwa looked at her in confusion.

"Anything's fine. Truth or lie, just say something."

"Uh…umm, Shia Unnie is an A-cup."

"Lie."

"…I have two mothers."

"Truth."

"What…?!"

"I'm curious about why you have two mothers, but let's continue with this for now."

Yeonhwa's eyes widened, sensing something unusual about Shia.

"Grandma Yeonseo is a hunter streamer."

"Truth. Didn't she say she was going to do that?"

"My monthly allowance is 50 million won."

"Lie. You don't even get an allowance, you just use your card everywhere."

"I… um… my chest is bigger than Unnie's."

"Lie."

"Ugh…."

This back-and-forth of truths and lies continued for quite a while.

Yeonhwa didn't know why they were suddenly doing this, but from trivial topics to serious matters, she asked Shia to distinguish between truth and lie for everything she knew.

"…How are you doing this?"

"In the world I came from, there was a rule that saintesses shouldn't tell lies. It wasn't a strict rule, and there were no real consequences for breaking it… But anyway, the point is, saintesses are sensitive to lies."

"…Ah."

"Of course, I can't always tell the truth from a lie. But by focusing holy power around my eyes and ears, I can detect subtle things like a person's heartbeat, gaze, and expression. That's how I naturally developed the ability to tell truth from lies."

"But why are you suddenly bringing this up?"

At that, Shia smiled and picked up a piece of meat in front of her.

"Because everything Menelapie said just now was a lie."

"What?!"

"From calling me a coward to talking about sacrificing the village to make me into a weapon. All of it was a lie."

"Oh…."

Yeonhwa's expression turned strange, as if she genuinely hadn't expected that.

It wasn't a joke. Even Yeonhwa had believed that the past Shia had been a weak coward.

○○○○○○

"…A lie."

"Why would I lie at this point…"

"You said it yourself the day we first met."

Shia loosened her grip on Menelapie's neck and lowered her head.

"You said everything you were thinking showed on your face."

I could see it all.

"And you're no different."

I didn't know why she said those things. But everything Menelapie had said earlier contained no truth from her perspective.

She didn't even think of me as a coward.

"...…"

I later learned from a knight commander that Menelapie had come to me using the last of her strength.

At that time, the northern front, where Menelapie had been stationed, had been completely devastated by the Demon King's main forces.

To buy time for the retreating soldiers, Menelapie fought the Demon King's army for three days without sleep.

By the time she reached me, she was completely drained, both physically and mentally, with wounds hastily stitched up from being shot by arrows and slashed by swords.

And in that state, I had punched her and pinned her down.

She had sacrificed herself.

To take my tantrum.

To take my resentment.

She had sacrificed herself.

Is this what an Empress should do?

Why, as an Empress, was she doing this to me…

Her wounds might have reopened.

She must have been in so much pain.

"You bad woman… If you too… if you make me feel this miserable… What am I supposed to do? It's my fault that everyone died….!"

Menelapie must have told that lie to give me some sort of mental relief.

She had willingly become the object of my resentment, knowing I needed someone to blame.

And I, without knowing any of this, resented her.

How pathetic must I have been?

A coward, a fool, pushing my resentment and responsibility onto others just so I could feel better.

"It's because I'm a coward, because I chose to hide, that everyone died…!"

"..I see."

"I could have saved at least one more person… but I, I… I just hid and cried like a useless coward….!"

Unable to control my emotions, I was on the verge of losing my mind due to the overwhelming self-hatred exploding inside me when Menelapie hugged me.

The scent of dust, dirt, a faint smell of blood, and the tired scent of Menelapie—soft and comforting.

It was the most pleasant and warm sensation I had felt since becoming the Saintess of the Dead.

"No one will see. It's just me."

"...Ugh, hng…"

What right did I have to cry?

I was a coward who couldn't muster the courage, leaving the villagers to die.

I had power but couldn't even use it, such a worthless fool…!

"Sometimes, it's okay to cry."

For some reason, hearing those words made something really start flowing from my eyes.

Once it started, it wouldn't stop.

"Ah. Aaaah… hyaaaaahhh…"

I don't know how long I cried.

I still don't know exactly why I cried.

Was it anger at myself?

Fear of the Demon King's army?

Self-hatred for being the only one left alive?

Resentment for being such a coward?

Probably all of it.

Back then, I was just a sobbing mess.

When we first met, and even now, I cried again.

Looking back, it's embarrassing…

It wasn't until around dawn that I finally stopped crying.

"….Are you okay…?"

"…I'm not okay."

I must have been so anxious.

So scared.

You were afraid of killing the Demon King's army, afraid that the hunger inside you would rise again.

You feared how humans would look at you differently, and you weren't even sure if you could stop your hunger after devouring the Demon King's army.

No, you were truly terrified, Shia.

Just like you said, there was no guarantee that the hunger would be completely quenched even if you devoured the Demon King's army.

And if the hunger didn't subside, it might turn toward humans once the Demon King's army was gone.

You were so scared that your fangs might turn on humans… I know that you couldn't do anything because of that fear.

You're not okay. It's so painful, and you're in so much agony. You must be hating yourself.

"I've been through it too… That's why I understand you."

"…You have…?"

You're much stronger than me.

You're so much more amazing than someone like me.

You're the Empress, aren't you?

If you went through something similar to what I did, it sounds like a lie…

No, I know you don't lie… but I still can't comprehend it.

"I wasn't always strong. I wasn't born an Empress. I don't remember well, but… when I was a child, I was so weak and fragile that a mere tap could determine whether I lived or died."

I can't even imagine that.

"I lost people, vassals, love, and my parents—everyone I loved who was by my side, they all died."

You lost people too…

"And so, to avoid losing those I love again… I took up the sword."

Menelapie, still holding Shia, lifted her head.

Her eyes were so clear.

Why did those eyes, confessing so calmly, shine like gold?

"If you don't want to lose anything more, pick it up."

"…..I'm a coward."

I was scared.

I was still scared.

Even after losing everything, Shia was still afraid.

But Menelapie smiled, as if to say it was okay.

"It's okay. If you don't want to pick up the sword…"

Then the Empress's scarred hand took Shia's hand.

She was truly injured.

Rough skin, scars—there were so many.

"I'll give you a sword named Menelapie Hailam."

"....."

It sounded like the pledge of a knight from a fairy tale or legend.

I still don't know why the Empress of an empire made such a heartfelt vow to me.

But at that moment, hearing those words, Shia was completely captivated by Menelapie.

"So swing it however you wish. If what you desire is just, I will gladly cut it down for you."

"I will become your sword."

"Until the day the Demon King is slain. Until the day we banish evil from this world…"

"Between those who have made mistakes. Between those who have lost. Between those who are lacking, shall we hold hands again?"

"I will give you courage. You just need to swing."

A courage that I didn't have began to bloom.

After hearing such words, how could I not muster courage?

Only then did Shia's tears stop.

The weak version of myself was still there.

The coward inside me was still there.

But now, it's okay.

Because there was someone beside me who would give me courage.

How could I not be happy and take her hand, when this wretched cowardly crybaby had someone willing to hold it?

"Alright. Fine, let's give it a shot."

People, and courage… it's such a cruel thing.

You can only gain courage after losing something.

But from that day on, my world changed.

Not as Isiah the human.

But as Shia, the Saintess of the Dead.

○○○○○

"In that sense, Yeonhwa. You've already experienced loss. You can become much stronger. Much more than now."

"...I think I understand why you said you still missed the Empress after coming here, Unnie."

"Right? If it's Menelapie, she'd probably get along with Bingu too."

...Though that day will never come.