The Love Guru

Part 1/2

Green mist swirled around Lorna's hands as Dr. Octopus' mechanical arms froze mid-air.

"Next time, use plastic."

"What—?"

Before Olivia could react, her own arms snapped around her, cocooning her like a caterpillar.

"Hmph!" Lorna glared at the trapped scientist. Try patronizing me now.

Bruce and Otto nodded approvingly.

"Her magnetic control improves daily. Two seconds to magnetize those arms?"

"Bright girl. Dedicated too," Otto beamed.

Tony, however, frowned. "Why no magnetic shield first?"

"But Teacher Tony," Lorna protested, "shields only block metal attacks! Since I control metal—"

"—you'd be dead if those arms had plastic joints or energy weapons!" Tony snapped. "And shield limitations are next week's lesson! Three-day deadline for a paper on magnetic applications. Understood?"

"...Yes, Teacher."

Lorna bowed her head. She respected Tony's expertise—even when it came with extra homework.

Meanwhile, Olivia fumed in her metallic prison. Magnetic manipulation?! This abomination belongs in a lab cage, not a classroom!

Chino finally took pity. "Release her." Turning to Olivia: "With their help, repair time?"

"...Three days."

Tony skimmed the collider schematics she transmitted. "Innovative but sloppy. Energy efficiency's abysmal, no containment protocols—how hasn't this place collapsed into a black hole? And zero safety measures? Cross-dimensional travelers would die from particle trauma within hours."

Olivia gaped. He'd diagnosed fatal flaws at a glance.

Chino smirked. "If you're this world's geniuses, he's the monster eclipsing you all."

"Hey!" Tony protested.

"Relax. I brought you a gift." Chino pointed to Peni Parker. "That girl's from 3145."

Tony's eyes lit up like Christmas came early. A millennium of technological leaps!

"How many worlds represented here?"

"Five—though one's anthropomorphic animals. I'm opening branches in their dimensions without interference."

"Count me in!" Tony grinned.

"...Why do I feel like I'm the one getting employed?"

"Must be your imagination~"

Part 2/2

The Spiders, having grilled Gwen about Chino's operations (affordable medicine, world-bettering corporations), now regarded him as some capitalist angel.

Meanwhile, Tony's team worked miracles:

Bruce and Otto redesigned the collider

Lorna reshaped metal components at the molecular level

"Three hours tops," Tony declared, watching Lorna work. Such wasted potential before—using cosmic powers for construction?!

"Why'd you take her as student anyway?" Chino asked.

Tony shuddered. "Watching her build houses with magnetism was like seeing someone grill burgers in a particle accelerator."

Chino burst out laughing. "Leave architecture to Magneto!"

"Your idea, obviously. But she's got passion. Good kid."

"Uh-oh. Tony—you're engaged. Pepper's bridesmaids include Poison Ivy and Venom..."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Not that kind of fondness! Though someone should warn you—she's got a crush on you."

"Me? We've exchanged ten sentences max!"

"You saved her life—three times over!" Tony ticked off fingers: "Rescue. Job offer. Mutant revolution. Most women would propose after one."

Chino blinked. "But... Venom, Pam, Xi, Gwen, Jean, Dark Phoenix—they pursued me."

"Wait. Jean Grey and Phoenix?! Since when—?"

"Focus, matchmaker. Lorna's just grateful. She'll outgrow it."

"You're barely legal yourself, 'Uncle' Chino."

"Then gimme allowance money~"

"In your dreams, you corporate overlord."

Chapter Title: "The Love Guru"

Relevant Quote:

"Most women would propose after one life-saving. You racked up three—and still missed the signs."

—Tony Stark, certified genius (except in recognizing his own romantic blunders)

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