Ch:3: Even a sadist has a heart sometimes (Christmas special)

Narrator room somewhere in irl:

N/Jack Dapper: "oh hello. Didn't see you come in. I'm sir jack dapper. But of course, you already knew that. It is my great honour to introduce you to the sword art online Christmas extravaganza. A touching tale of whimsy, adventure, fourth wall breaks and the true meaning of friendship."* moves to grab the book* "So, I have my book. I have my bourbon. Gather around 'children. Let's make some Christmas. This is the story of the red-nosed reindeer. Our magical journey began in... April apparently. That's a bit odd. Guess we're going for a slow burn on this one. Oh well, I can "dig it", as the kids would say. Our story began at the local tavern hole where our hero's, Kirito, TRF (weird name, by the way) and sinon, had made some new friends, or "homies" if you will. I'll stop now...

In Sao, at the tavern.

"To Kirito, TRF and sinon!" A group of 5 players cheered while holding wine glasses. There were 4 boys and one girl.

Kirito: "Who are you people, and why are you at our table?"

Keita: "Ah, Kirito! Can I call you "kirito"?"

Kirito: "No." 

Keita: "Here's the thing, Kirito; I couldn't help but noticing, while I was rifling through the 3 of you're character pages-"

Kirito: " I thought we had that set to private..."

Sinon: " we did the bitch hacked us."

TRF: "God damit! another hacker!"

Keita: "-That you 3 are not associated with any guild! So the Crew and I — I call them "The Crew" by the way — were thinking that you 3 should join our guild!" 

sinon: "Yeah, We're not gonna do that."

Keita: "Now, I know what you 3 are thinking — "am I really worthy to join these awesome dudes?" 

Kirito: "we have literally never thought that about anyone."

TRF: "except the ones that are our friends."

Sinon: "yep" *hugs TRF and kirito*

Keita: "But let me assure you, we could certainly use someone with your... *staring up at everyones level 40 stats* assets. mmmmhmmmm? "

kirito: "Hey, hey! Our eyes are down here!"

TRF: " Yea! Stop looking at our stats!"

Keita: "right, right so what do you say, ki? Can I call you KI?" 

kirito: " God no!"

Keita: " Mhmm, I see, and what if I put on this hat!" * puts on a hat with goggles which has a +50 Karisma/karma effect on it*

Kirito: " oh don't be ridiculous, what the hell am I singing?" * accepts guild invite because of the damn hat*

 Keita: " To the newest member of the moonlit black cats, to Kirito!"

Kirito: "Damnit!"

Keita then notices that TRF isn't affected by the hat so he decides to see why.

Keita: "hey T, can I call you T?"

TRF (slightly annoyed): " Fuck No!"

Keita: "well T, why aren't you accepting the invite?"

TRF (annoyed): " Because I cannot be affected by that damn hat, my sbecial quirk is karma/kirisma, so I can rain hell on my enemies. And not being forced to join guilds with bitchis or hackers like you."

Keita: damnit. "Ok, well then *turns to sinon* how about you join then sin? can I call you SIN?"

Sinon was was shocked by this and was tearing up because this reminded her of what happened at the bank when she was 11. When she killed someone. TRF was angry because he knew about this since she told him after the defeat of the 10th flour boss. "Kagachi the samurai lord."

__________________________________

Flashback to after the 10th flour boss was defeated:

this was when Kirito left with asuna to the 11th flour to activate the teleport gate, while they argued of course. Everyone else were going up as well, only TRF and sinon were there when we said bye to kirina, as she started following her brother and asuna. Sinon was sitting against the wall sill shaking because she nearly died, the boss, kagachi the samurai lord. He vanished the appeared behind her, he nearly killed her, until TRF came and blocked the attack and full forced attacked out of rage, he took down the boss in the proses, and also got a 1% drop. which was his trusty battle axe, which he was very glad to have by his side again.

TRF started walking over to her to comfort her.

TRF (worried): "H-hey sinon, are yo-"* gets cut off by sinon crying and hugging him tight*

Sinon: "*sobs*Thank you, thank you, Thank you!"

TRF: *hugging her back* "don't worry, your safe. Except for those guys who died just standing there."

Sinon: "*sobs*b-but i-i t-thought I was going t-to d-die!"

TRF: " and, you didn't. if I didn't stop that, I would never forgive myself. Besides that what friends are for right?"

Sinon: "*looks at TRF with tears in her eyes* "B-BUT WHY!? I DONT DESERVE TO BE!!!"

TRF (shocked): "w-what do you mean?!"

Sinon: "*sobs* y-you see, a when I was 11, i-I was at a bank that was being robbed by a man with a gun, he pointed it at a lady who was pregnant which worked there, a-and I panicked and grabbed the gun from him, and... and."

TRF: "you killed him, out of pressure, plus also being scared shitles."

Sinon: " * sobs* "I-i was always alone after that, everyone in school starting calling me murderer and other things, a few years later, That's when I started being a beta tester and..."

TRF: "and what?"

Sinon: *Turnes to face him with tears Streaming down her face and smiling* "That's when I met you"*sobs* TRF was Fealing sorry for her by, sure he had killed retarded people in this game with her before, but he did know that killing a person irl and at the age of 11 or below was very traumatising, I mean literally how wouldn't it be? If it didn't affect you then you're a sycopath! "*sobs* "s-so g-go on! Hate me for all I care! I'm used to it by now...*crys*"

TRF, out of full instinct hugged her. He didn't even care on damaging himself, he needed- no... he wanted to do this.

TRF (serious): " I can never hate you, and besides, you saved 2 lives by ending one. To me *looks at sinon straight in the eyes* your a person who did the right thing, and also a person I care for."

Sinon: *hugs TRF with all her strength* "*sobs*T-thank y-you s-so m-much!"

TRF: " No problem. *wipes tears* blueberry"

Sinon: "*chuckles*blueberry?"

TRF: " What? It suites you now since you dyed your hair ice blue, and since your the best archer in the game."

Sinon: "*chuckles* alright, I'll let you call me that, Ice Prince/king"

TRF: "*chuckles*so that's my new nickname now?"

Sinon: "along with snow king/prince, and besides you died your hair white with blue highlights blending into it."

TRF: "*chuckles*alright, but I'll only let you call me those names, besides those names are "cold/ice-catching" eh?" * Sinon giggles.*

TRF: no way, is this a dream? "you like it?"

Sinon: "Yea that was actually pretty funny."

TRF:YESSSSSS!!!!! FINALLY SOMEBODY GETS ME! "thank you, now come on let's get to the others. By now the strong are probably watching the weak die, litteraly."

Sinon: "ok. Oh, before we go TRF can I do something?"

TRF: "sure, what is-"*cut off by a kiss on the cheek from Sinon*

Sinon:*smiling* "now let's go!"* Grabs his hand and they start walking to the others*

TRF:*blushing* I think I'm in love with 2 people, and I'm glad this girl is definitely one of them.

Flashback over.

_______________________________

TRF was now very, and I mean VERY pissed with Keita. He jumped off his seat, grabbed Keita's neck and smashed him into the wall with the tip of his sword (star saber if you haven't read the first chapter) at his neck. Kirito had his sword ready as well since he, Kirina and asuna also knew about what happened to sinon as well, and sinon was behind TRF standing as well while shocked and smiling a little because she knew that boath of them were protecting her. Especially TRF.

TRF (enraged): " I'll allow you to call us stupid nicknames. And I'll allow you to Make us join your guild. But when you make my friends cry... especially her and another girl I know... *voice changes a little demonic.* THAT'S WHEN YOU HAVE PISSED ME THE FUCK OFF!!!"

Sinon was blushing, and Keita was scared stiff to even make one move, but a girl saved him from a very big ass kicking.

Girl: "P-Please don't hurt him! I'm sorry he hurt your friend and made her cry!"

TRF slowly snapped out of his rage and turned to her while still holding keita's neck.

TRF: " *slowly calms down* what's your name?"

Sachi: "my names sachi."

TRF: *smiles at her* "glad to meet you and your forgiven." *turnes back to Keita staring daggers into his eyes* "but you. your not forgiven, so be careful and be glad that the innocent girl has saved your damn life, so let's make this clear, if you hurt them... I KILL YOU. got that? * Keita nods very quickly* good" *lets Keita go*

After that commotion they all got back to where they were before that happened. But with sinon on TRF's lap hugging Him

Sinon: "Thank you"

TRF : "no problem Sinon " *hugs her back* 

Keita: "anyways are you joining us?"

TRF: " *looks at Sinon and she nods while pointing a little at sachi* ok we will. Not for you, but But for sachi since she's like a good friend to us right Kirito?"

kirito: "yeah, well at least a fiend I can mock with."

Sachi: *smiles a little* "Thank you"

Sinon: "*smiles at sachi*your welcome."*TRF and sinon accept the invite*

Keita: " ok, now that we are back on track. let me introduce you 3 to the "crew" I call them the "crew" by the way."

Sinon (angry): "so we've heard"

Keita: " this person is you already know is sachi. And, uh, the rest are npc's."

Kirito: "wait what?"

Keita: " Yeah, they're all companions from different quests. They help you fight, and as long as you never finish they stay with you."

TRF: "ok, that is definitely cheating."

Gary: " We must save my family!"

Larry: "The bandits are coming!"

Sinon: "um, is that important".

Keita: " nah, it's just part of the quest. They say that like every four seconds."

Charlie: " Always remember, to jump... jump!"

Keita: " and, uh, he's the tutorial. It's not a good tutorial."

Charlie: " Remember, winners don't use drugs. Except steroids. In which case, use lots of drugs!"

Sinon: " *face palms * you never completed the tutorial."

Keita: "hey, just because I can't play the game doesn't mean I can't 'play the game' wink"

TRF: "I have a feeling you don't know how winking works."

Sachi: "Thank you for joining our guild, Mr. *starts glitch/lagging* T-T-T-T-TRF."

Kirito: "SWEET MERCIFUL BUDDHA! WHAT THE FUCK?!"

TRF,Sinon: "HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF GOD! WHAT THE HELL?!" *said the same time as kirito said that."

Keira: "Now, now, don't panic. *Sachi glitches again as he puts his hand on her head* Sachi just lives out in the boonies, so her Internet connection is kinda *starts glitching again, infecting Keita this time* shi-shi-shi-shi-shi-shi-shi-shi-shi-shi-shi-shi-"

 "OH GOD! IT'S SPREADING!"

 "Grab the women and children!"

"Yeah! We'll use 'em as shields!"

*the tavern suddenly bursts into flames and windows explode*

N/Jack dapper: "Ha-ha! What shenanigans. Four people died in that fire. But from the ashes sprouted a powerful friendship and in time, the 3 found out that they could almost tolerate them. Much like the fat man tolerates the tapeworms in his intestines." "And like those tapeworms the guild burrowed deep into the innards and gorged themselves on his leftovers until they began causing abdominal pain and diarrhoea. I realise the metaphor's breaking down a little bit there, but granny dapper didn't raise no quitters. In any case, thing were about to change for the young 3, as they learned one fateful night."

___________________________________

Sao, flour 1 Teleport gate entry: brought to you by chibi TRF and Sinon adorably hugging each other.

Kirito, TRF and sinon just came back from grinding, they were talking and then Kirito opened up his menu finding out he got a message from Keita. The 3 then decided to see what the message mas about:

Keita: "Hey, Kirito, buddy! Sachi kinda ran off and we don't know where she went, could you be a pal and track her down? I'd look for her myself, but the NPCs are sorta blocking the door and I can't get out."

Gary: " We must save my family!"

Keita: "MOVE! URRRRGH! *back to Kirito* Listen buddy, I'm gonna need you and the other 2's help sooner rather than later, I'm starting to think this is a 4-man job."

Charlie: "You've been playing for 4,608 hours, maby you should take a break!"

Keita: "I WOULD IF I COULD, "MOM," BUT THAT"S NOT REALLY AN OPTION, NOW IS IT?! *exasperated sigh* And now he's clipping through the wall! This is just perfect! *angerd*So yeah, if you and the other 2 are with you, could take care of that for me, that'd be great."

TRF (unamused): "yeah, good luck with that Keita,it's our day off."

Keita: "And because I know it's you 3s day off, I went and included a little motivation."

Kirito: "right... Keita, when have you ever had anything we-" 

the hat with goggles shows up on the screen making Kirito activating tracking mode, causing his eyes to go bright yellow, he found sachi's footsteps and decided to follow them while saying: " I hate that god damn hat!" the other 2 decided to help him as well, and then they found sachi sitting underneath a bridge.

Kirito: "Yo, Sachi, Keita said you ran off—" *Sachi looks up to reveal Kirito with scary glowing eyes and emitting a strange buzzing noise with TRF and Sinon*

Sachi: "JESUS CHRIST, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR EYES!?!"

Kirito: "What? Oh, right. Detective mode. One second. * kirito's glowing eyes turns off with a sizzling noise and starts to emit smoke* E-HUH-uh! AAAH, that's brisk!"

Sachi: "is it supposed to hurt like that?"

Kirito: "I dont think so. Unless the game was developed by a sadist."

Sachi: "well..."

Sinon: "yeah, we heard it"

TRF: "so, why are you under the bridge looking like someone just drove over your pet?"

Sachi: "I'm terrified my lag is going to get me and everyone I love killed."

Kirito: "...Well shit, I don't know how to mock that. OH GOD, that's never happened before!"

Sachi: "Well, maybe this is something you don't need to mock?"

TRF: "Uh huh, okay. But then what's the point of other people if not to mock them?"

Sachi: "You know, I'm starting to see why people think you're assholes."

TRF, Sinon, Kirito: "people think we're assholes?!"

Nr/jack dapper: "and so they talked all through the night and slowly, the 3 began to see the error of their ways. If that seems like a cop-out to you, and that TRF sound like a code name of a secret government project, congratulations! You get Doritos a mount dew."

Sinon: "Wow, Sachi, you really opened our eyes! We've been such jerks. Well no more, you're looking at a whole new 3! From now on, We're going to be nicer and show people the compassion they deserve."

Sachi: "So... can we talk about my problems now...?" 

TRF: "urgh! No one cares!"

Sachi: "Oh... Hey kirito, I thought you said you were gonna black out from the pain?"

Kirito: "Oh, yeah. Guess I'm just a lot tougher than I th— *eyes turn red and start sizzling* —AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!-

TRF: " Daaaaaaaaaaaamn! Now that's painful!"

Then 2 people came around the corner and were like:

_________________________________________

Sometime before they reached the hotel:

TRF: "hey Sachi"

Sachi: " TRF? What is it?"

TRF: "I just wanted you to know that your like a sister to me."

Sachi: " *blushing* wha?!- erm, heh, t-thanks. Oh TRF! I was wondering, do you have family?"

TRF: ".... well I do, but their my adopted family. And I only have my step bro and sis, papyrus and philia."

Sachi: "Oh... I'm sorry. what happened to your real family then?"

TRF stood completely still for a min until this sentence came out: " I have no family. Their not dead nor their alive. I guess you can say... I was just born from nothing. I can't say anymore."

Sachi: "Oh... I will not talk any further about the subject. Anyways we're still not at the hotel and I'm tired."

TRF: " me to... Hey kirito! Sinon! Come to me!"* they run over to him*

Sinon: " TRF What is it? Have you found a shortcut?"

TRF: "no. But I have been looking into my unknown skill recently, and I might be able to get us all back there in a second. I call them 'my shortcuts'"

Kirito: "dude, that's imposible. You cant teleport without using the teleport gate."

TRF: "oh really?" Challenge accepted "Then follow me around this corner. You'll be surprised."

TRF walks around the corner then the 3 follow behind him only to be knocked into a door. when they realise it it, they were in the hotel right outside their room.

Kirito (shocked and trying to understand but can't): " but- I- ca- wa- th- b- I- wwwhhhhhhHHHHHAAAAAAAAA???!!!!!!!!!!!"

Sinon: "TRF did you just break reality?!"

Sachi: " this litteraly defies the laws of physics!"

TRF: *on the ground laughing* "hahaha! your my god faces are priceless! I told you'd be surprised!"

Timeskip: brought to you by chibi TRF, Sinon and kirina having a picnic together, along with TRF being a lazy ass.

Keita:"Hey, crew, I know you guys have been working really hard, but I've got some good news!"

TRF: Keita I know there's a catch " and?" 

Keita:"And some bad news. The good news is, we're in debt to the mob! No, wait, that's the bad news. Also, there is no good news."

Kirito: "shit."

Sinon: "you've got to be kidding me!"

TRF ( angry): "I'm this close to through the damn window Keita already! And now there's a mob after us because of you! God damn it keita!"

Sachi: "there's a mob in this game?"

Keita: " uh, yea, I may have promised some, let's say unsavoury individuals that I could duplicate their rare item. And, well, it turns out that got patched."

Kirito: "So then why don't you just give back their item?"

Keita: "Heh, well, here's the thing, I kinda sold it, and now..."

Larry: "The bandits are coming!"

Keita: "Precisely! But the Don says all will be forgiven if we replace the item!"

Kirito: "Well, okay, that doesn't sound too— "

Keita: "Here's the thing— "

Kirito: "There it is."

Keita: "—it only drops on the 27th floor." 

Sachi: "Is that a problem?"

Keita: "Well, let me put it this way: take the most horrific, awful thing you can think of, and multiply it by cancer."

Everyone leans back in surprise.

Keita: "but you'll do fine. You got Kirito and TRF and their practically carrying this crew."

Kirito: "practically?"

Sachi: "Kirito!"

Kirito: "I'm sorry"

Keita: " so on that note, what do you guys think?"

TRF: "Well, no offense, but that's the most— *looks to Sachi, then grits his teeth* (shit! she's like Sinon and kirina. Except the sister version.)probably fine idea I've ever heard! "

Keita: "That's a weird way to phrase that."

TRF: "Don't push me on this!!"

Keita: "alright, so we got our game plan."

Sinon (suspicious): " wait, you didn't say what you're doing in all this."

Keita: " well, the thing about that is...."

Teleport gate area:

keita (wearing the hat): "later!"

Keita Teleports somewhere while TRF flips him the bird and everyone else just staring where Keita was.

Kirito: "we really need to get that hat away from him-"

TRF: "and annihilate the boath of them."

Everyone: "agreed".

Time skip to the 27th flour dungeon: brought to you by chibi TRF and Sachi looking happy at the screen while TRF holds Sachi in one arm while they boath do a peace sign.

Everyone (except Keita) were walking in the dungeon hallway trying to find the drop.

TRF: " God, We've been looking for hours. Where's this stupid thing supposed to drop anyway?"

Sachi: " now that I think about it, he never said which item we're looking for, didn't he?"

Kirito: "son of a-"* gets interrupted by Gary opening a door*

Gary: " we must save my family!"

When they saw the room, they saw a chest in the middle of the room which made the 3 realise it was definitely a trap.

Kirito: " oh, wow. A single chest In an empty room. Yeah, this looks legit. Come on, guys, even we're not Dumb to fall for th-" *gary opens up the chest *

TRF (realizing instantly ): " Sachi...? You set them to auto-loot, didn't you?" 

Sachi (apologetic): "Yeah... I thought it would save time..." 

Sinon: " you just had to say it didn't you!" *an alarm starts blaring and the room turns red*

Kirito:"Oh, yeah. We're sprinting to our deaths IN RECORD SPEED!"

Sachi: "well it might not be a trap, maby we just won a prize or something.

Announcer: deploying slaughternaughts and murder golems.

( a/n: imagine TRF and sinon there as well.)

TRF: " oh wow, slaughternaughts AND murder golems? it must be our birthday!"* kills one*

Sachi: " I thought you 3 were gonna be nicer!"

Sinon: "baby steps!"* side steps and shoots an arrow right at ones head.*

Sachi: "ok, we'll grab one of the teleport crystals from Gary!"

Kirito: " who the fuck is gary!" *kills another monster*

Gary: "we must save my family!" *teleports away like a cowered*

Sachi: " that was gary."

TRF: "god damnit! Of course it was!"

Sachi: " it's fine, Charley's got a bunch of health potions!"

Kirito: "who-* Charley dies* never mind I got it."

Sachi: "well, we still-" *larry dies*

TRF: " oh god, please STOP!"

Kirito: "look, we're just gonna have to fight our way out!"* slashes left, right and thrusts forward killing 3 enemies*

Sachi: " ok, I'm scared, but I trust you. *see's Sinon about to get hit* Sinon watch*starts lagging * ou-ou-ou-"

Sachi uses her lag to push Sinon out of the way, causing her to get hit.

TRF, Sinon, Kirito: " SACHI NO!!!"

Sachi: " don't worry, this Isn't your fault, and thank you big B-B-B-B-BROTHER."*dies and turns into a million fragments*

.

.

.

Everything was in complete silence for a second, nobody moved, not even the slightest sound was heard, Sinon was in tears on what just happened and kirito stood in complete shock, But for TRF..... 

TRF's mind:..... *crack*....*crack*...*crack*....*crack*...*SNAP*...

TRF was in completely emotionless, the monsters were about attack again, but we're stopped by a blue aura illuminating around their weapons. Sinon and kirito took notice of this and looked at TRF who was holding his hand out, where blue aura was coming from. Then they were sheelded by... bones?! 

Kirito: " oh shit, he's gone mad... very mad "

Sinon looked at Kirito and was gonna ask him if he knew what's going on. But she decided to see what happens.

TRF:"ha...haha.haha...hahahahahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Kirito and sinon look a little scared on what's about to happen. "You know. I was not planing on ever using this... but you guys have definitely crossed the line for me. And... now that you've crossed it..... *demonic* ☠️🏳️ 💣👈☸️👍✡️- (THERE SHALL BE)- NO MERCY!"

Some monsters shook at the state of his voice. And sinon and kirito saw your left eye flash blue and the right flash red for a sec.

TRF: " Welp. here's goes nothing, I guess..."

(A/N: WARNING! FIGHT SCENE INCOMING! START THE DAMN MUSIC!)

TRF: " It's a beautiful day outside..., birds are singing..., flowers are blooming..., on days like these..., monsters.like.you..., SHOULD BE BURNING IN HELL!!!"* left eye burns blue and right eye burns red. And summons a bunch of swords bones and chaos/gaster blasters.*

(A/N:Imagine sans Is TRF and some of the bones are blue swords.)

Some monsters were scared, but some weren't so they charged at TRF. he side stepped one attack and slashed the monster with star saber, killing him in one hit.

TRF: "What? Think I'll just stand there and do shit?"

 One came from behind and he jumped and a bone came and hit the monster in the face killing another, 2 others ran at him only to be impaled by a couple of blue swords falling from the sky, and then 10 came forward only to meat their death by being shot by a chaos/gaster blaster, incinerating all 10. And then 15 came and attacked, one nearly hitting him. 

TRF: "*grunts* fine, NO MORE GAMES!"

So he used his telekinesis to smack them into the roof and then smash them into the ground, then summoning bones and swords inside the ground then shot them up, impaling the monsters killing them. the rest went like this:

 (A/N: play between 3:29 to 4:07 and replace sans With TRF, also some bones with blue swords along with the people being monsters and them having maces, axes and bow and arrows.)

With the exit open, TRF decided to end things there by sommoning star saber and slashing through them at high speeds that nobody saw, the monsters were frozen, TRF put the sword back in his holster and said "sayonara, bitches." Causing all of the monsters to explode Into pixels.

(Stop music here)

Only TRF, Kirito and sinon were there now. TRF made the bone shields disappear, Kirito and sinon were staring at him in shock, the only thought on their mind was: "That was his unique skill!? " then TRF kneeled to the ground panting, looking at his hands in fear thinking "why? Why was I c-created? w-why was I made into thi-this thing!? W-why am I made to be a weapon!? Why?! W-why..." Kirito and sinon walked towards him until TRF looked at them straight in the eyes and said.

TRF: " *tears in his eyes* guys... what.am.I."

Sinon Leaned in and hugged him, crying with him a little and then Kirito joined them as well.

Kirito: *holding tears* " y-you're my best bud, and my best friend. Y-you even accidentally made kirina, which I was actually happy with for once, because I-I had a sister that wasn't being mean and roasting me for once and actually care for me."

Sinon: "*crying* y-your a person I care deeply about. A-and you've been helping me with my problems. Y-your not a monster, you're a person which does enything in their power to protect what they care for. K-kirina and yuki would even say the same thing if they were here, a-and s-sachi would be proud of you, I-including you're brother and sister."

(A/N: You'll find out how they met yuki next chapter.)

after that, Kirito went to get kirina because they might need help copping with this. which left Sinon and TRF there still hugging each other.

TRF: "Sinon"

Sinon: "yes?"

TRF: "promise me you won't die... Please"

 Sinon: "w-what, but-"

TRF: "PROMISE!!!"

Sinon: "..... *huggs TRF tighter* I promise."

TRF:".....Thank you...."

(stop music here)

N/Jack dapper:Well... that was grim... but as with all things there's always a silver lining. For you see, the 3 still had one friend left with whom they can share their grief—"*flips the page to Keita taking the easy way out from TRF Killing him*

TRF: "KEITA YOU BITCH!!"

N/Jack Dapper: "YeeaUgh! Dadadadadadadada! *rapidly flips through several pages of the book and stops on a Christmas scene* CHRISTMAS Yay! Nobody kills themselves on Christmas! Heh-heh-heh! Christ, I need more bourbon...

__________________________________

SAO, 1st flour, Christmas Eve Timeskip: brought to you by TRF sitting on his chaos/gaster blaster.

Kirito and TRF were walking through the snow covered forest Holding a piece of paper as they remember what Argo said to them.

Flashback:

TRF and Kirito were sitting down on a table with Argo while Sinon and kirina, which just came back to the group revealing to be one of the co-leaders of the top guild: "knights of the blood oath " along with asuna being 2nd in command. Were grinding levels.

TRF: "Argo buddy! *huggs Argo with Argo hugging back* how's my best info broker been?!"

Argo: "*boath stop hugging* I've been fine, my best/insane customer! Now let me guess, you're not here to have a chat since you brought your syko friend here."

TRF: "correct, we're here to see if you can find an item which can revive a fallen friend."

Argo: "ah... I see, well you came just in time! I've just got some info about it."

Kirito: "urgh! Just tell us already!"

Argo: "ok! *Whispers* you impatient bitch"

Kirito: "heard that!"

TRF: "can you two stop whining!"

Argo: "anyways, they say that Santa Claus will appeare beneath a certain fir tree tonight, they say that whoever finds him an item will give anyone a merry Christmas."

Kirito: "well that was poetic"

TRF: "thanks Argo! Here is the items you needed as the payment."*transfers items to Argo as payment*

Argo: "pleasure doing business with you friend!"

Flashback over.

TRF and Kirito were sprinting now that they found the fir tree. Then they stopped to see balls/Kline and his group transported right by them.

TRF, Kirito: "balls?"

Balls and everyone in his group: "my name is Kline!"

Kirito: " that was... unsettling. What the hell was that?"

Balls: "*sigh* I correct people so often, they think it's how I say hello"

TRF: "well that's unfortunate"

Balls: "yeah, no kidding. So what are you 2 doing out here?"

Kirito: "we've been having a weird pain in our chests, we were hoping this rare item might be able to fix it."

Klein: "Well that's strange. What do you think caused it?"

TRF: " Well, We suppose it started right after We watched our entire guild and someone that is like a sister to me get slaughtered — Well we mean, We didn't take any damage, so that can't be it. "

Klein: " *disgusted* Oh my GOD!"

 Then people with armour and swords spawned near the 3.

Mafia Commander: "Kirito, TRF and sinon, as the soul survivors of the moonlit black cats the dept naturally falls to you three. The dawn sends his regards."

TRF and Kirito were Wrapping their ands around the handle of their swords but were stopped by ballsy.

Klein: " well, as many questions as this raises, I'm gonna keep this brief: kirito and TRF, you're not injured, you're sad that all your friends died."

Kirito: "Wow, We never even thought of it like that..." 

Klein: "yeah, big shock ya fricki'n sociopaths!" "Look I've heard rumours that it might be able to Rez players. It's a long shot, but you owe it to yourselves to try. Go on ahead, we'll hold them off."

TRF: "that's the nicest thing anyone, except our friends, have done to us, thank you. Kline.

Kline let's out an excited moan and TRF and Kirito rushed towards the fir tree.

"Hey boss who's Kline?"

Kline: " don't ruin this for me!" *klein and his group go into a fighting stance*

N/Jack Dapper's Voiceover: "And there, under that frosted fir tree, Kirito and TRF Streaking through the snowy sky, on a sleigh full of Christmas cheer! The Patron of prostitutes—". "Look it up." "Old Saint Nick." *a huge "Santa" with blue-grey skin and red eyes lands in front of Kirito and twists his neck around *

 Nicholas the renegade: "NAAAAUUUGHTYYYY!!!"

N/Jack Dapper: *looking at the book weirdly* " ...What the fu—"

TRF, Kirito: * charging towards the monster* "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" 

Timeskip: brought to you by TRF and Kirito standing side by side doing a fighting stance with their unique skills.

Kline and his guild were sitting down exhausted, when Kline noticed that TRF and Kirito teleported by him.

Kline: "guy's, how'd it go? Did you win?"

TRF, Kirito: *walking towards klein emotionless* "does this look like the face of victory to you?"

Kline: " you didn't get it?"

Kirito: "oh we got it."*throws the karisma hat to Kline*

TRF: "it's a hat. It's a GOD. DAMN. HAT."

Kline: "well, what do you want to do with it?"

Kirito (emotionless): "But We do suppose We should thank you. You made us realise that by being nice and letting people in... they'll just die. *beat* But still, thank you for showing us that there is a part of us that can feel like this. Because now that We know where to find it, we've killed it forever. So thank you. Thank you for freeing us... "Balls. "

Klein: "No... no! You 2 were so close! You were almost a person! *sobbing* You were so clo-ho-hose..."

N/Jack dapper's Voiceover: "And so, they say, TRF's and Kirito's hearts grew 3 sizes that day! Then immediately shrank 6, imploding Into a black hole from which no love could escape. The e-" * cut off by the actual a/n, breaking down the door.*

In IRL:

A/N: "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!!!"

Jack Dapper: " um, heh-heh-heh, we can talk about this!"

A/N: "GET OVER HERE!!!"

Jack Dapper: "nope!" *crashes through the window to escape*

A/N: "HEY! GET BACK HERE! *realizing there's other people there* oh! Um... hello there!*waves And grabs the book* sorry about that. Anyways I listened to the last part he said, so I know where we are. Anyways that's not how the story ends as you will see now:

In Sao:

While walking in the snowy forest, TRF got a message from Sinon and kirina saying: "we got it. Just like you said." TRF smiled and informed Kirito about this and then headed to where Sachi died.

A/N voiceover: "if your wandering what's going on, then here's a flashback for you"

Flashback:

Argo: "pleasure doing business with you friend! Oh and forgot to mention there are 2 fir trees around the area, one of them have the item the other one spawns something you truly hate."

TRF: "Thanks for the tip!"

Flashback end.

So he sent Sinon and kirina to the other location and got the drop now they are in the place where Sachi died. preparing to revive her.

Sinon: "you ready TRF?"

TRF: "Yep, I am" * uses the revival item on Sachi bringing her back*

Sachi: "uuuuugh. Huh? What ha- *get cut of by TRF hugging her* huh?! TRF!"

TRF: " *holding tears* NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!"

Sachi: "*smiles* o-ok, And thank you brother for bringing me back. *silence* Well, now what? We don't have a guild, and I don't know what to do."

TRF: "hmmmmmm*deep thought* aha! I got it! We could have you stay with Tiffany, he could use the extra hand and you could level up with him while getting items."

Kirina: "that sounds good."

Sachi: "I agree!"

Kirito: "well, lets go."

TRF: "ok! And Sachi here"*Transfers shoulder armorer And a spear to sachi*

Sachi: "oh, thanks!" *equips the armour and spear*"thank you....brother...."

TRF: "you too... sis..."

A/N voiceover: "and so the groups hearts grew back three sizes that day again, returning to the major assholes they were once truly, the end."* closes book*

______________________________________

In IRL:

 A/N: "wow. That was over 6000 words long,damn, anyways thank you for joining us and we'll see you all next chapter! But for now for me... I need to hire more guards... and I gotta do something.*grabs shotgun* WHERE ARE YOU!!!"

Jack Dapper: "YOU'L NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"

A/N: "WASN'T EVEN PLANING TOO!!!"*runs fast through the wall*

________________________________

In someplace in Sao:

Mafia commander: "I'm sorry don. We finally tracked down the ones known as Kirito and TRF, but we were beaten back by the legendary warrior, Balls_Deep_69 and his men. The boy escaped us yet again."

The commander bowed with his group standing behind him

Mafia commander: "I have no excuse. But I promise you, we will get back what was stolen. What are your orders..., Don Fluffles?

A cat head with a human body is sitting in a chair behind a desk in front of the commander. And his response was: "Miraaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwww..."