Chapter Nine: Same Shit, Different Day

Part 1 – Smoke and Mirrors

I woke up late as hell.

Didn't even hear my alarm.

By the time I dragged my ass out of bed, Matthew was already blowing up my phone.

Matt: Yo, you up?

Matt: We got ten minutes before the first bell

Matt: Jordan wtf wake up

I ignored him and threw on my uniform—baggy-ass pants, my blazer, and a loose tie. No skirt, never that.

I glanced at my wrist before pulling my sleeves down. My cuts was still fresh, but I wasn't in the mood for Matthew's lectures today.

By the time I got outside, he was already leaning against his car, arms crossed, looking irritated as hell.

"Damn, you move slow as fuck," he said as I slid into the passenger seat.

"Damn, you annoying as fuck," I shot back, lighting a cigarette.

He snatched it out my mouth before I even got a hit.

"Bruh, I ain't even get one pull!" I groaned.

"You wildin' too much lately, J." He tossed the cig out the window. "You good?"

I exhaled. "I'm here, ain't I?"

He didn't look convinced.

"Your mom still on your ass after the party?" he asked, pulling out the driveway.

"She tryna 'fix things,'" I said, rolling my eyes. "Shit funny as hell."

"You ever gon' let her?"

I stayed quiet.

Cuz I didn't know the answer to that.

---

At School – New Problems, Same Bullshit

We pulled up right as the bell rang.

"Tardy asses," Josie teased as we walked in.

"Yo, be lucky I even showed up," I smirked.

She rolled her eyes but was smiling.

Then I noticed Kaleb and Maiesha down the hall, whispering about something. Kaleb shot me a dirty-ass look, but Maiesha…

She was looking at me different.

Like she wanted something.

Matthew saw it too. He nudged me. "Told you she acting weird," he muttered.

I smirked. "And I'm 'bout to act on it."

"Jordan…"

"Relax, I'm just playin'."

Maybe.

We headed to class, but I could feel Maiesha's eyes on my back the whole time.

Yeah. She wanted something.

And I just might give it to her.

---

Chapter Nine: Same Shit, Different Day

Part 2 – Wrong But Right

I wasn't even two steps into the girls' bathroom before Maiesha grabbed my arm and yanked me into a stall.

"Damn, Maiesha, a bitch can breathe?" I said, smirking.

She rolled her eyes but didn't let go. "What the fuck you doing, Jordan?"

"You tell me," I shot back. "You the one dragging me in bathrooms and shit."

She sucked her teeth. "Kaleb been askin' questions. He think I'm actin' different."

"Ain't you?" I teased, pressing a little closer. "You been actin' real friendly lately. Real touchy."

Her grip tightened on my arm. "This ain't a game."

"I'on play games, Ma," I said, leaning in, my lips ghosting over hers. "You the one still tryna act like you don't want this."

She didn't move.

Didn't push me away.

Didn't do shit.

Cuz she knew I was right.

Her breathing changed. "Jordan…"

"Mm?" I hummed, dragging my fingers down her arm.

She shivered. "We can't keep doin' this."

"But we will."

Silence.

Then her lips were on mine, hungry, desperate, like she needed me more than air.

And I let her.

Cuz I wanted it too.

---

After School – Another Night, Another Bad Decision

I was posted up outside, waiting on Matthew when Josie walked up.

"You need a ride?" she asked, leaning against the wall.

"Where's your car?" I asked.

"Didn't drive today. Took the bus."

I raised a brow. "You too good for the bus now?"

She rolled her eyes. "Shut up."

We stood there for a second, just looking at each other.

She did that thing where she tilted her head, biting her lip like she was thinking about something.

I hated when she did that.

Cuz it made me wanna grab her.

But I didn't.

Instead, I pulled out a cigarette. "You tryna say something, Josie?"

She watched me light it. "Nah, just thinking."

"'Bout what?"

"You."

I froze mid-inhale.

She smirked. "You look cute when you don't know what to say."

I exhaled, rolling my eyes. "I always know what to say."

"Mmhm."

I was about to say some slick shit back, but then Matthew pulled up, honking his horn.

"Saved by the bell," Josie teased, walking off.

I watched her go.

Watched the way her hips moved.

Watched how she didn't look back.

Damn.

She had me.

And I hated that.

---

Chapter Nine: Same Shit, Different Day

Part 3 – Another Night, Another Scar

Matthew didn't say shit when I got in the car. Just gave me a look.

"What?" I asked, flicking ash out the window.

"I peeped that," he said, smirking.

"Peeped what?"

"Josie got you actin' different."

I sucked my teeth. "Nigga, please."

"I'm just sayin'," he chuckled. "You stare a lil' too long. You get quiet when she around."

"I do not."

"Mmhmm."

I exhaled, watching the smoke swirl. "She ain't special."

He side-eyed me. "If you gotta say it, it's probably a lie."

I ignored him the rest of the ride.

---

Home – Numb Ain't Enough

My mom wasn't home. No surprise there.

I went straight to my room, locking the door behind me.

It was too quiet.

Too empty.

I sat on my bed, rolling my sleeve up. My fingers traced over the old scars, the fresh ones, the ones that had just started to fade.

I clenched my jaw.

Everything felt loud all of a sudden.

Josie.

Matthew.

Maiesha.

Kaleb.

My mom.

My uncle.

I squeezed my eyes shut, but the memories wouldn't stop. The party. The surprise. The feeling of being trapped.

The smell of that day.

The way my five-year-old self begged.

The way my mom said, "That's nonsense, Jordan. Oscar would never do that."

My breathing got shaky.

I grabbed the razor from my nightstand.

Dragged it across my wrist.

The sting brought me back.

Another.

And another.

The red was warm. Familiar.

But it didn't fix shit.

Didn't change shit.

Didn't erase shit.

I leaned back against the pillows, staring at the ceiling, feeling nothing.

Just like always.

---

Chapter Nine: Same Shit, Different Day

Part 4 – Ain't No Freedom Here

The next morning, I sat at the edge of my bed, staring at the dried blood on my arm.

I should clean it.

But I didn't feel like moving.

Didn't feel like doing shit, really.

My phone buzzed.

Matthew: U up?

Me: Nah, nigga. U textin a ghost.

Matthew: Shut yo ass up. U need a ride?

Me: I guess.

Matthew: Be there in 10.

I sighed, finally dragging myself up.

After a quick shower, I threw on my uniform—pants, button-up, and tie loose like I ain't give a fuck. Cuz I didn't.

When I stepped outside, Matthew was waiting, engine running.

I slid into the passenger seat and leaned back.

"You good?" he asked, glancing at me.

"What you think?" I muttered.

He didn't push it. Just turned up the music and drove.

I stared out the window, watching the city pass by.

"Shit out here almost make me miss juvie," I said out loud, not even thinking.

Matthew gave me a look. "You really miss that place?"

I shrugged. "Least I ain't have to deal with dumbass teachers, fake-ass people, and my mom tryna act like she give a fuck."

"You was locked up, Jordan. That ain't freedom."

I smirked. "And this is?"

Silence.

Matthew didn't have an answer for that.

---

At School – Same Bullshit, Different Day

The moment we walked in, I felt eyes on me.

Whispers. Stares.

Typical.

Then I saw Maiesha.

She was with Kaleb, but she was looking at me.

Not like a bully.

Not like she hated me.

Like she wanted me.

I smirked.

She quickly looked away, grabbing Kaleb's arm, saying something to make him laugh.

Matthew nudged me. "See what I mean?"

"Oh, I see it," I said, my smirk widening.

"You gon' leave that girl alone?"

"Do I ever?"

Matthew sighed. "One day, you gon' catch feelings for the wrong one."

I scoffed. "That ain't happening."

"Josie would disagree."

I rolled my eyes. "Man, shut up."

He just shook his head, muttering something under his breath.

I didn't care.

I had other things to focus on.

Like the way Maiesha kept sneaking glances at me.

Like the way Josie made my chest feel tight every time she looked at me a certain way.

Like the fact that no matter what I did, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was drowning.

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