chapter 9-sorrow

That was officially our breaking point, whatever we had experienced before was nothing compared to what had happened and what was still to come.we could never recover from the trauma we were going through,we could never be the same.

My mom was in the emergency room,dolly dead ,it's was now just me and my two sisters.we couldn't talk to eachother,what could we have said,how?I was panicking,so hard that I was sweating.

I wanted to cry but I couldn't,I wanted to laugh at myself I failed.what had happened was more than my strength,I felt weak on my legs,I was shaking.steve had not just only broke my hurt,Steve had shown me how cruel the world really is,He proved to me that I was just a minor who was definitely not ready for the big world.

I sat there,at the hospital chairs trying so hard to process everything but my mind kept on giving me flashes of my dead sister.I felt responsible for her death,I felt so guilty,so stupid.I was a big disappointment yet again and that hit me very hard.

I was requested to go speak to a therapist and that's when I realised that Steve had been raping me all along.Its started making sense to me,Steve never said he loved me no Matter how much I would tell him.steve did not want me to mention or be near his wife,he would beat me if I said anything about his wife.

Me discovering what I had just discovered made me feel more stupid than I was already feeling.All along Steve was manipulating me,he knew exactly what he was doing the whole time.i cried so hard,I cried over and over again and again.i just could not stop.what made it worse was my sister who had died.

I wanted to burry myself,I wanted to disappear and never come back.I was not worth anything.'Even prayer can't fix me,even Gooooooood!can't help.i have failed everyone,I'm so stupid,I'm trash,I'm a loser'i screamed in devastation.

I could feel myself losing it,I could sense my brain collapsing.one of the doctors noticed and they gave me Injection which calmed me down and made me sleepy but still I was crying,drop by drop it's hurried down my face straight down my chest.

I was hurt,I was betrayed but it's was nothing compared to the pain my mom felt,it was nothing compared to the sacrifices she had been making for us How much she had been trying to protect us and all just to go down the drain.its can never change,it's could never be unseen.

The devil had finally won.we did not know what to do ,or where to start.if it wasn't for the help from the hospital we would have never came back to our senses.That night we had to leave mother at the hospital since she was more worse than I was.The police took my statement and promised to take care of the case,they promised that Steve would be arrested,that we will get our justice.

Me and my siblings went back home and we decided to sleep on the same room but we never slept the whole night.each one of us was crying silently,I knew they wanted to ask me questions but the situation devastated them and I was also very much ashamed of myself hence we just cried the whole night without saying anything to each other.