chapter 10-history

The next morning we had to check on my mother who was at the hospital,we decided to pack some of her essentials just in case she might be required to stay a little longer.I was responsible for packing for her since my other sisters were cleaning the house and cooking food for our mother.my eldest sister was convinced that our mother would need healthy and hot food to help in her recovery,hence

She cooked rice and chicken stew for her since it's was also her favourite hence she would not refuse to eat.

I packed for her pyjamas,gown,some dresses and her toiletries.since we were not carrying blanket the other night the hospital gave her one of theirs,so I also packed it in the suitcase we were going with.As I was going through our mother things I came across her diary which I had first assumed it's was just a book,a novel I thought.since I had some time I decided to read it with the hope of getting some sort of distraction before I go to the hospital.Its had a black cover with no decorations on the out side, inside it's was hand written with a black pen but since my mother's hand writing was neat I guess that's why I was deceived in to thinking it's was a novel,hence I read it.

As I read the diary most of what was written began to seem so familiar, initially I thought it was just a coincidence,up until our names started popping up.The more I read the more I started shivering,I was scared.I guessed all along I had been in denial that the book was actually about us,all I knew is that I was glued to it.with each word,turned to sentences and then paragraphs,it's all started to make alot of sense,as if a Vail had been taken away from my face.

All that was written was a clear layout of our lives but most especially our mother's life.its narrated all she felt but couldn't take out of her mouth,all that we had done to her and for her.she would high light the people who made a big impact to her life whether it was good or not .one thing stood out,I don't know if it's was God telling me something but I just knew that there was a reason that I got to see it and not my sisters.somehow in this whole mess I was the one who was like 'no I'll pack her clothes'im the one who went to the room and I'm the one who came across the diary and knowing very well that I was the book worm.

History had repeated it's self.Our mother had been raped by her very own father.The way she narrated it made me realise why my sister had hung herself.since my experience was not forced the pain I had endured was nothing compared to the amount of pain they had went through.

She wrote'sartudays used to be my favourite day,I would normally play with my friends the whole day since there would be no school,but it's no longer my favourite.Things that reminds me of home are my worst nightmares.My dad changed my whole childhood,he took away my innocence.From that day I have been so angry,so hurt and I have never felt so betrayed 'as I read the paragraph I was more and more intrigued and yearning for the outcome of the information I had just read.

As I continued to read she narrated 'on a Saturday morning after my mother went to work,my father came to my bed,I remember that day like it was a few seconds ago.i was on my pink night dress which had yellow and red flowers by my shoulders.I had slept on a black sheet with a blue duvet.my bed was a single bed because I was sleeping alone.father came in he slept next to me,his beard touched my neck.'

'he held me close to him,first I thought he was giving me a hug but then he inserted it on me,I was in pain,I screamed dad it's painful,he slapped and told me to keep quiet,I cried but he continued carelessly over and over again.i fought him but my strength was nothing compared to his.i was bleeding,I was swollen but still he did not care' I was in shock after reading this segment,I did not know what to do but I still wanted to read even more.

' He finished with his evil actions and left me laying on that very bed,I slept there whilst covering myself up until,I was sure that he had left.i stood up and started walking,at that point nothing mattered to me,all I wanted was to go far away from him,from my home.He was a monster and I was so scared.'

I was devastated after reading and engulfing everything that had just happened.i was so angry I wanted revenge for my mother,for my sister but how when I have failed to revenge for myself.i had willingly submitted myself to the most traumatic events of our entire life.The amount of regrets could never be compared,at that moment I felt the defeat.

All along I had been worried as to how I was going to face Steve but that was nothing compared to my mother. She had to re live what had changed and pained her years ago.i knew then that it's was now my time to stop Already what I had read was beyond my capabilities,it's was heavy for me.i closed the diary and his it from my sisters.I never told anyone about my mother's diary even my sisters,I felt like she did not need to feel not safe again and if she wanted to tell us she would have already done so.